Time with me

Wow! I just had a huge recognition last week when hanging out with some of my really good friends in the freezing cold of upstate New York. I really don’t like just being with myself. I’m so good at distracting my own attention off of me because when I do sit and focus on me, I feel so uncomfortable that I want to just run away and hide. I spin around like the Tasmanian devil looking for whatever I can find to take my attention away from whatever it is I’m feeling at the time. I was telling my friend about this in the car, and he said, “That’s funny, given what you do for a living…” And I felt like a complete fraud all of a sudden! For someone who claims to produce genuine experiences of life, who “harnesses” truth of moments and communicates them to a wide public of people for a living, I sure don’t do that in my life. I can’t believe how challenging it is for me to sit and feel the truth of every moment without needing to get up and go for a pee or get a glass of water or fly to New York or go see a movie… Anything to get me out of my own genuine experience of being. It’s crazy, so I’ve given myself a task– a daily practice that I’m committing to so that I’ll (hopefully) build myself into someone that loves feeling genuine emotion, that enjoys just sitting and reflecting on the time at hand. I wonder how that will affect my acting if I’m not running away from myself and my own experience all the time. Hmmm… Interesting musings! Thanks for tolerating the vomit of ideas! Ciao for now, Allison

Newer Comments →
  • Kim

    I know what you mean I am pretty good at pushing my feelings away as well. I am also trying to love my genuine emotions too. It is just so much easier to hide it or pretend that you are in a different mood. I really don’t think it will affect your acting because talent comes from within and no one or no emotion can take that away. Being a singer and an artist I know.

  • http://N/A phillip harris

    i agree but i bottle up my anger alot and some afraidness feelings but thats a feeling i want bottled up but to eventualy use it in my pictures i create on the pc and other things but i do want to show some true pure emotions eventually but not all at once plus the thing you said is not vomit its from the heart and i think you could make a good writer of poems using raw emotion not letting go and so on

  • Lydia

    I don’t mind being alone, I’m used to being just with myself. But, I admit, it feels good to regurarly chat with my mom, family or friends. I’m a bit of a loner but I do need that kind of connection and friendship.
    I frequently take time to sit down and think. I enjoy this me-time because it helps me to connect with my inner self and become even more my own person. It can be surprisingly soothing and enriching.

    If you’re not used to just sitting and reflecting on the time at hand, it will be an interesting change and experience for you. It’s great that you want to give it a try.

    Enjoy some precious private time with yourself.

  • roman

    You are not the only one acting that way. It’s much easier just to turn on the TV(or do anything else) and forget the real life outside for a while, instead of really thinking about your emotions, problems and fears.

  • http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=stephanievaniersel Stephanie

    I SOOO know what you mean ..
    I really cant stand being alone, and taking time to reflect on myself and my emotions is something I have never taken the time for.
    I think I just like worrying about other people and there feelings, it makes it easer for me in some way. I think my own feelings scare me more then the feelings of others ..
    Maybe its time to figure out why that is ..
    Damn Allison you always keep me thinking, and I love you for that!

    Much love, and untill next time!

  • http://05281971.blogspot.com Jon

    The scariest thing you can do on your own is to deeply explore your own feelings. Sometimes we find that we’re looking for the next bit of stimulus, sometimes we’re unhappy with the direction of our life and sometimes we just don’t know what it is we’re looking for in ourselves. Don’t get too caught up in feeling like you have to find an answer, get caught up in making sure your own feelings on life are aligned with how you’re living. If you feel dispassionate about life, then there’s an emotional issue, but if you’re scared you just aren’t feeling as strongly as you’re supposed to it could just be that you’re being overly critical of yourself.

    Good luck in finding whatever it is that you need, but don’t beat yourself up on the way there.

  • http://www.daybow.com DavidHayes1956

    BUT … are we really ourselves? What we experience through our senses is not us, it is what is outside of us. Well, I guess if we get a gas pain, that’s part of us … but what we see is not us. Even our reflection is mirrored and distorted and represents the light our body rejected and reflected. Hmmm. That means white people are not white … they reflect white so they are everything but white. I guess that’s a different discussion. What we smell is not us. We are blessed with a numbing of our sense of smell so that we can smell the world instead of being self-overwhelmed. Other people experience us. We experience them and become the impact of their actions upon us as filtered by our senses … and our previous (outside) experiences. You may experience yourself more than others due to being filmed … if you watch what they make of you. But usually that’s a different you in another role filtered by technicians such as lighting experts and editors … and again it represents light that reflected off you and not what stayed.

    What we are is a point of view.

  • Medina

    can you fly?

  • http://www.daybow.com DavidHayes1956

    Wow! Thanks Allison. This made me think of something that I kind of knew but didn’t have a good analogy for. We become the result of not all our experiences but those experiences that we allow to stick to ourselves. I thought of you and an image came into my head of that paper cone they stick into the cotton candy machine at a carnival. As the cone is run through the machine it gathers the sugar floss and it becomes something sweet and desirable. Then I thought of myself … and I pictured a toilet brush. Nice huh. Anyway, if you are what you allow to stick to you, then if you want to be someone that people want to be around, you should only let the good experiences stick to you.

    I like the analogy … but I tend to find out what can go wrong so that I can avoid problems ahead and help others avoid them. I don’t know how that fits with the analogy because I look for the worst so that I can filter it out of what I create … so that I can create quality products. So, now I have to figure out how to look at the world and be aware but focus on the positive things I can do because of what I wasn’t afraid to experience.

    Hmmm. I need another analogy.

  • Jim

    Hi Allison !

    I do exactly the contrary and it’s getting on my nerves. I’m kind of a loner. And these times I can afford some time to sit and think of my own feelings and emotions but it’s leading me nowhere. Maybe because I can’t structure my thoughts and find a way to resolve the things that bother me. It’s turning around and around without finding the exit door.

    I’d really like to disconnect my mind sometimes and actually ACT and do something to get me think of something else.
    On the other hand, being too out-centered can be dangerous. We need to focus sometimes on what really matters and what we truly feel. But answers don’t come that easily; that must be the reason why we keep being distracted.

  • sabino_alves

    Hmmm..it seems like what you need is some vacations…to a different place…far away from everything take a friend if you want!…and think in your life..i’m not going to say it’s easy, it’s not!…but you will feel different…better and with more smiles…hehe…:)…allways look for the best in your life…you have the best thing in the world…Friends..keep them close to you…i wish the best for you…and remember face everyday with a smile…:)..from portugal a big kiss

  • Torias

    If you have trouble focusing on your own emotional state, just dredge up a memory of a very strong emotional state. It doesn’t matter if it’s a happy or sad memory, as long as it’s a powerful one. It can serve as a kind of time-capsule holding a little sliver of yourself that nothing can disturb. This should be enough to remind you of who you are, regardless of anyone else, even Chloe, as long as your memories are your own.

    That’s easy for me to say, of course. As a computer kinda guy, the vast majority of people I communicate with are online, and that’s just the way I like it. It’s easy for me to separate myself from anything, even myself. It makes it simple for me to ignore anyone’s point of view. Which in turn allows me to maintain myself as an absolute. I will be beholden unto no perspective, not even my own! This is a subjectivity free zone. The truth shall remain the truth, regardless of anyone’s opinions therein, including mine. Especially mine! I have bad instincts. Some have said I have something that could be called a Superman complex about this, but just because I’m neurotic doesn’t mean I’m not bulletproof.

  • http://www.onepagebehind.com Kevin Ross

    I know exactly what you mean. I’ve found myself taking an hour each day to just sit at my local coffee shop (The Mudhouse) and just reading, writing, and generally taking time for myself. It’s really helping me to focus my thoughts and energy on what I have to do when I leave and head out to a world stretched by time and obligations. I honestly don’t know what I would do without that little time to just live with myself.

  • Jessica_M

    I know what you mean. It’s very common, or al least I think it is, to turn on the TV or read a book and just dive into a fantasy world in order to get out of real life for a while. But once the movie is over or once you finish the book you realize that you are still in the real world and you have to face it. Anyway, I don’t think you are the only one that feels that way, so don’t feel bad. Until next time!!

  • http://2teaflute.blogspot.com paul

    I find actors amazing. What you do–inhabit a fictional person’s persona, and do it so entirely, so convincingly, and seemingly naturally–is something strange and wonderful.

    You seem to have an extensive circle of friends. I wonder if being such a social animal is a factor your acting? Maybe the distraction helps; maybe those social skills are an asset in your craft, and being entirely comfortable in your own head would be a liability…

    Do you know many actors who are loners?

    Anyway, I really appreciate that you share this stuff. I’ve already found more info on the process of acting here in your blog than I did in years of reading Premiere magazine.

  • http://www.angelfire.com/sc3/harv/ David Harvey

    This is really a surprise to hear Allison!! Although I understand what you are talking about. Nost of the time if I am not working on about 5 different projects at once, I do not feel like I am getting anything done. Once more, this has seemd to have gotten worse as I have gotten older. Just the other day I realized I had forgotten how to have fun. One of my friends asked me what I was doing for fun since I moved up here to North Carolina – and I could not answer him.

    Such is life I guess!! Speaking of getting older, I’ll turn one year older tomorrow – I’ll turn 28 on the 28th of February. Say the year is 2008 too, wow that’s a lot of 2′s and 8′s huh? LOL!! :D

    Kind Regards,
    David Harvey
    Morrisville, NC

  • Kyle

    Someone told me once the best person you can get to know is yourself; whether that be with a group or friends or by yourself its really up to you. Getting to know one’s self is often difficult but in the long run it helps you understand certain feelings and conduct.

    Anyways, inconsistency comes with the job; nobody is that resolved in life.

    -Kyle

  • http://www.daybow.com DavidHayes1956

    To David Harvey,

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are so lucky. If you would have been born just one day later — on the 29th of February you would only have a birthday once every 4 years! You would only be seven years old tomorrow! That would NOT be cool. Third grade was the worst 3 years of my life! I can’t imagine spending 4 years in each grade!

    To Allison,

    I don’t know if you are a method actor or not … but I do know that you are one hell of a good actor — a natural … and that is common knowledge. Whatever you are doing, it’s working. So don’t worry about whether you are over-examining yourself or under-examing yourself because it certainly isn’t negatively affecting your work.

    I heard a story once about a famous method actor who finally showed up on the movie set and the director took one look at him and was horrified. He shouted, “What the Hell happened to you?! You look terrible! Are you ill?” The actor responded, “I had to prepare for my roll. The part calls for a man who is starving so I haven’t eatten a thing in two weeks.” After a few seconds of stunned silence, the director said, “Didn’t it ever occur to you to just … act?” Whether you have a method or no method, you obviously know how to put yourself where you need to be to get the job done.

  • Taylor nikole

    Actually that sounds like a good idea.
    sometimes i feel like i spend too much time focused on the people around me.. and things going on then…
    and that i know more about them than myself….
    if that makes sense.
    Maybe we should all take a little time out of the day to focus on
    ourselves now and then.
    Although i have found it hard to sit down and sort my feelings lately.
    I’ve found that ive wanted to do everything but focus on my feelings…
    Everything else seems better…. its easier to forget your hurt at all when your focused on other things….
    but maybe thats not always the best thing to do
    My grandma keeps telling me to deal with my feelings and problems now…. find out how i feel and express that in any way possible.
    She tells me “Deal with it now, deal with it later, but eventually your going to deal with it”…(this woman is my hero!! I have no clue what i would do without her in life)
    So i guess i might as well sit down and deal with it now…
    but you know the phrase sleep on it….
    I think its interesting how when you sleep you take time to focus on your feelings… and days events…
    So maybe we actually do without knowing… maybe thats the only reason why some of us are still sane :D
    hehe

    Taylor Nikole

  • http://www.daybow.com DavidHayes1956

    PS. I shouldn’t talk because I am a “method cartoonist.” I had to wear a collar and leash and eat dog food to do the Phantom cartoons.

  • Bee

    Allison,
    I totally understand where you are coming from. For the past three years I have been living with leukemia. Don’t feel sad or anything, it is just an aspect of my life that I have to deal with, but it is hard to sit down and just be honest with my emotions. I guess though it is better to run away from them, then to lie about them. Instead of acting continuously happy, you choose to ignore what you are feeling. In turn, I am not quite sure if they are that different, but I know that both are challenges I face in my daily life, and I am sure that others face them as well.
    Wishing you a peaceful week,
    Bee

  • Gabriela Mathews

    Allison,
    You are making it sound like a bad thing. Look, you are not alone, when it comes to oneself emotional hiding. What I mean is, you seem like a selfless person. You care more about others then you’re own. That leads into not wanting to deal with your own emotion. Now, you seem like a woman who like to be busy, and very creative. Usually what happens with artists, and I use the term to reflect those with the passions in the arts (whether be performance arts to finger paints) When you focus on yourself, there is that chance that, *snaps fingers* your muse goes away, your creativity dissipates. There is a chance that self doubt can consume you. Oh please don’t feel like a fraud because you aren’t focusing on you, or how you, you’re mindset is the character you are portraying. It’s perfectly normal, hell, I don’t want to sit down and think about myself. I tend to get more self doubtful, I worry about if I made the right choice, and we always tend to think the negative when focusing on ourselves. So it isn’t weird or you not being a fraud. It’s normal. We tend to think down on ourselves, sometimes, the best thing to do is, do something that’ll improve yourself.

    Hope these words help :D

    Gabriela

  • http://www.purevolume.com/natenakao Nate Nakao

    I’ve always found that being completely honest with myself is one of the most difficult things to do. I can be honest with people easily because it usually means being open about only a few things. But the moment I get introspective, I start lying to myself about nearly everything! Whether it’s how I feel about something/someone or the level of emotional pain I may be in due to the loss of a loved one or a breakup.

    I heard someone say something to the effect of “I cannot think of anything more frightening than to sit in a room alone with my thoughts.”

    But every once in a while it’s good to open up to yourself. Because it’s kinda sad how much we lie to ourselves.

    You’d fly to New York City *OR* see a movie, huh. I’d drive to New York City *TO* see a movie. Well, maybe not. Maybe for a concert.

    Speaking of which, if you ever get a chance to see the band Mute Math perform live, take it! (As long as they’re headlining. . . not too sure they’d be so great taking a backseat to another band.)

    Now I seem to be turning this into my own blog. . . whoops.

    Keep your chin up. (And listen to some Eisley.)

  • http://www.myspace.com/ki3 Kiona

    Its so nice to find someone in your business that shares these thoughts with their fans and aren’t afraid of that. For someone who says she can’t be alone to deal with how she is feeling at times, I think you’ve taken the first step with this blog. I myself used to be the same way and at times, still am, but slowly as I have experienced different things, little things, simple things, complicated things, and life changing things, it was only then when I was with myself, the only person that truly knows ones self, is when I could adequately sort through my thoughts and “file” them where they need to be. Granted its not as easy as that. But I have learned a lot at 22, maybe because I’ve experienced so much in such a short time, but I believer you truly get to know yourself in those moments of silence by yourself. Even if the weight of the world is on your shoulders, and you’re fighting with yourself, or simply trying to “sort” through all those thoughts trying to invade such a seemingly good day, sometimes, if you can get through those moments, they’ll take you someone awesome. Truthfully, we all struggle with this I think, in some degree, I feel it just depends on what emotions are being fueled. When my best friend was dying of cancer, I couldn’t bare to be alone to process those feelings. But when I myself had brain surgery, the only time I made sense of it all, was by myself, windows down, summer day, with tunes blaring. Emotion is the only thing thats going to keep this life interesting, meaningful, beautiful — the good, the bad, and even the ugly. Eventually, it will all tie up in a beautiful bow right around each of our hearts. Happy Wednesday Night Allison! I hope you have a great weekend. Thanks for the blog. A pleasure as always.

  • http://www.myspace.com/ki3 Kiona

    hahaha…..so many typos in there, its ridiculous. But you get my point, hopefully.

  • Darwin

    Here is a musing for you Allison…

    Last spring…whilst out looking for mythological monsters…I was all
    alone…walking for miles.

    Great time for introspection…which I did…and I believed I was QUITE
    lost in my thoughts.

    But…

    I suddenly became VERY aware…hyper-aware even…

    I turned and looked directly at a deer just stepping into view…100 yards behind me and across a ravine.

    The deer had been walking along and was quite surprised to see me.

    But, the thing was…is that I was not surprised to see it.

    I knew it was there BEFORE it appeared.

    In martial arts…there is an effort for your mind, body and spirit
    to become one.

    As a native…there is the philosophy of a tangible connection
    between all things…

    So…while reaching inward…supposedly lost in thought…I was
    reaching outward at the same time.

    And TRULY connected.

    Which seems to be what YOU are both afraid of and searching for.

    Correct?

  • http://www.aksoulmates.com Misslane

    I really don’t mind being alone, I love it in fact, because I am with myself, with my own thoughts, ideas and feelings, it’s such as a big secret for me, because it’s time for me and anyone else.

    Maybe you should put your “problem” in another way and thinking that being alone is good for you and for your career as actress too.
    Because you have to weigh up your problems and virtues.

    perhaps, you have this “fear” because you don’t know yourself or you don’t want to know yourself.
    have you thought about this????

    unconsciously you don’t want to be with yourself because you are scared of discovering how you really are.
    And because of this, this fear is on yourself.

    Allison, I was scared of this in the past. But YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND that all of us have negative and positive things and the most difficult thing is TO ACCEPT THE NEGATIVE THINGS.
    But when, you accept how you really are (good and bad things) YOU DON’T MIND BEING WITH YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF.

    Do you know what I mean???
    Having negative things isn’t bad Allison, is part of you too.
    Because there’s no anyone perfect in this world.
    Do you imagine that?? it would be very boring.

    do you wanna know a thing?? I adore how you are!! the good and bad things you have hehe!!
    I really adore how shy you are even you say you are strong, I adore when you try to explain something and you use a lot of words, talking in circles, I adore your glance and the good friend you must be.
    I really adore your behaviaour because you try to change the whole world and I love the enthusiasm you have when you are doing some project
    And when you are writing your own feelings and I read your fears, I smile because it’s when I realize you only have 25 years and you look such as a child sometimes and I love this part of you.

    try to be alone allison it would be good for your job too. And when you know to yourself, after that everything is perfect because you know your mistakes and positive results.
    Besides, when you have got to know yourself when you have a problem or depression for something, you’ll know how to resolve the situation because you know yourself a lot.

    its my advice for you, based on my own experience, I hope it helps you!!

    Love you a lot allison
    I am sure you can do it!!!!!!!!

    Try to go to the cinema alone, to travel…
    it’s very peaceful!!! trust on me!!! :D

  • bourdieu

    Hmm… that’s so odd. A big part of my job involves reading and writing, so I find it almost impossible to put myself in the place of not being “able” to be alone. I really need a balance. I find constant social interaction stressful and tiring and some alone time lets you think and process. But too much and I do need some socializing.

    Miss Mack’s comments seem to fit, though, with her general life-is-there-to-be-consumed ethos. One could locate that within a general social theory of capitalist consumer society. Baudrillard, Zizek, Deleuze, have all had things to say about the way the contemporary politico-economic order intrudes upon our consciousness and psyche. In the contemporary world, the individual is a consumer, and as such life becomes the demand for constant stimulation through the act of consumption – of all things: products, experiences, culture, people – and when it isn’t there, it is produces anxiety and unease. Or to put it another way, all experiences are understood as a form of consumable commodities, and unfortunately the desire to consume can never be satiated.

    What is interesting about this blog is how Miss Mack shows herself to be wrestling with these very contemporary issues in a very public way.

    A day alone hiking in the woods is my suggestion. Start by being alone with a purpose.

  • http://www.daybow.com DavidHayes1956

    We now interrupt this blog for a brief commercial break!

    Coming soon to a fan fiction site near you, the story of an alternate universe almost identical to our own. One small change created a new and better world. Mr. and Mrs. Olsen didn’t have twin daughters … but Mr. and Mrs. Mack did! “Shangri-La Plaza” enjoyed a long run and huge success due to the almost unbearable cuteness of the Mack twins. The show was required by the Surgeon General to post a disclaimor that cautioned diabetics to watch only if they had their insulin close at hand. Later successes followed including but not limited to the movies “Honey We Shrunk the Twins” and “Our Horrible Year,” the TV series “Same Sex” and, of course, the TV series “Smallville.” In “Smallville,” Allison and Mary-Kate Mack play the roles of Chloe and Moesha Sullivan – friends of Clark who relentlessly pursue his secret then, discovering it, become his staunchest defenders.

    We join Allison and Mary-Kate in the back of their limousine as Allison says, “You know I can never stand to be alone!” to which Mary-Kate replies, “That’s nothing for you to worry about since you and me are joined at the hip … LITERALLY!” Will the sisters ever be separated? Will their foundation “Double-Mint” [formerly “Juicy Fruit” – name changed due to corporate endorsement deal] ever get it’s not-for-profit status … or will the famed “TwoMackKruek” partnership come to an end? Will Phantom and Mary-Kate’s cat (ThomCat) learn to co-exist? Is it true that Chad is seeing Mary-Kate on the side? For answers to these questions and more, visit http://www.FanFictionsThatWillNeverBe.com and read “Side Kicks.”

    We now return you to the Blog which is already in progress.

  • Phil Juthman

    Hey Allison! I’d like to say I know what you mean.. But I can’t remember the last time I flew to New York on a whim. Or.. period..

    At any rate, I think what you’re going through are the trials of being intensely self aware. I would try to break it down for you, but you are an intelligent woman. And after some of these previous replies to your blog I’m afraid I’ve become painfully self-conscious of making sure I don’t get over dramatic or something along those lines. I mean, not to say that any of these fine people are.. bah, who am I kidding?

    Blessings,
    Phil J

  • http://www.angelfire.com/sc3/harv David Harvey

    “DavidHayes1956 wrote: To David Harvey,

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are so lucky. If you would have been born just one day later — on the 29th of February you would only have a birthday once every 4 years! You would only be seven years old tomorrow! That would NOT be cool. Third grade was the worst 3 years of my life! I can’t imagine spending 4 years in each grade!”

    DavidHayes1956, thanks for the well wishes!! Yeah, every four years I give my Mom a hard time – I was born at 9:02 in the morning – so I tell her if she could have waited a mere 15 hours longer I could have technically been born on the 29th since 1980 was a leap year. ;) Actually of her 5 sons, she was in labor with me the shortest – only 4 hours where as she was in labor for 24 hours the previous time. Talking about looking old for my age, it would be funny trying to tell people I am only 7 years old (well if I had been born on the 29th ;) ). I agree with you about elementary school – not fun!! Ah well, another year older – another year wiser (well as wise as your typical 28 year old is I guess) ;)

  • http://www.daybow.com DavidHayes1956
  • Zach Golan

    Hey Allison,

    How are you doing… I am 22 year old guy from Israel (yes, the country)
    and I really enjoy your acting on Smallville, you seem like a very witty and easygoing person – but what you wrote just reassures that looks are only looks and you are also part of the human specie. :-)

    I can really understand what you mean by practicing being with yourself.
    I don’t need to practice it cause I get to spend lots of time with myself, with my thoughts, throughout my life.

    I believe most of us avoid delving daily into ourselves so to not cause any unwanted grief.
    I think its good to be on “autopilot” to get through life – most of us have too many uncomfortable feeling that just may damage our day-to-day performance.

    Practicing silence with people around me is much more difficult for me, because as most of us, I interpret the silence as “inconvenient” and this happens to be the time where I most delve into myself.

    Cheers! really cheer up :-) and take lift as lightly as you can. Remember that most of the annoying thoughts have no “conclusion” at the end of them, and sometimes Zoloft is all you might need. :)

    I am a horrible Guru, I know.

    Take Care,
    and I would love if you reply to my email: zachgolan@gmail.com
    if only to know that this message reached its rightful recipient :)

    Zach (but in Hebrew you say: TZach)

  • http://AllisonMack.com Alyson Lindley

    Allison, Some people get so involved with the charactor an actress or actor plays they forget they have real emotions. I think it is wonderful you are taking the time to discover the real you. I love having time to myself. Yes I love being around my close friends , and family , but we all need a little time to ourselves.

    peace&Love
    Alyson

  • http://www.ampetition.dk/blog AnniePedersen

    Well, I’m all alone and could be spending time with myself.
    Instead I’m here concerned with your blog.
    I can’t give you any good advice because I have the same problem.
    I don’t really feel anything.
    Some years ago I used to think that I was able to be around people… except one… myself. I was the one person I couldn’t stand. Now I’ve learnt to accept myself. Flaws included.
    Every day I learn to feel something new. It’s a long way. I keep my eyes and ears open and challenge myself.
    I used to have big problems with my friends. I thought that only happy, smiling people have friends and that friends run away if you stop seeming happy, so I never allowed myself to seem sad when I was with them. I had to learn that honesty also means letting them see you cry sometimes.
    Emotional honesty requires the awareness that you will be hurting sometimes but you will also feel true happiness.

    I wish you lots of luck on this journey.
    Hugs
    Annie

  • Joe

    I would have never figured you to be a person who wasn’t comfortable with introspection as it pertains to yourself
    .
    I read years ago in an interview you had (forgot where and with who) but you were asked ‘do you ever go online to read what fans say?’ And your response was ‘no, I never do. I am too insecure.’ Maybe that insecurity is what fuels your “hyper-ness” to avoid any substantial self reflection.
    I couldn’t for the life of me imagine what you may be apprehensive about in exploring yourself but then again it’s easy for people like me to get all starry eyed and day dreamy about someone as captivating as you are.
    After all everyone here and all over “fandom” only know you from a few candid pics and a handful of interviews and of course your professional work. Not much to go on to say even one thing remotely close to who you really are as a person.

    Good luck on your journey and know that introspection of one’s self is a life time activity, and for most one life time isn’t enough time.

  • Medina

    fast tham a speed bullet

  • http://www.daybow.com DavidHayes1956

    The cartoons are getting done faster than the moderation!

    Phantom’s long day as assistant director continues:

    http://www.daybow.com/images/Phantom_Comment_16.jpg

    http://www.daybow.com/images/Phantom_Comment_17.jpg

  • Massena1

    It seems like you are a very strong extrovert. People fall into two categories, introverts or extroverts.

    Introverts will be drained emotionally by interacting with people, extroverts will be energized/stimulated by interacting with other people.

    There is nothing wrong with either, it’s just a personality type.

    If you haven’t done one before, since you seem to want to understand yourself better, you should take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. I bet you would find it interesting to see how much your behavior fits one of these personality types. It really does teach you a lot about yourself and how you think about and interact with the world. And realizing how people you know fit into these personality types, can help you relate to them better. It even might help you as an actress better understand how to play a character and get their type/psychology/personality.

    Here are some links to free personality tests:

    http://www.kisa.ca/personality/
    http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm
    http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

  • http://www.daybow.com DavidHayes1956

    I think Phantom is done for the day.

    http://www.daybow.com/images/Phantom_Comment_18.jpg

  • Rachel

    I know how you feel

  • Coralie

    Hey !
    I’m 25.I’m french, so sorry for my faults, I hope I’ll be understood lol.
    I wanted to say that I completely understand what you say.I mean, I like to go out with my friends and have fun, I talk a lot, laugh a lot, but when I have to tell my real feelings, I can’t. I’m always kidding, so for me humour is a very good defense.
    Sometimes there are events around you which make you thinking…. like a death.When it happened to a friend, I thought about me, my life, my studies. Then I realized that I have to enjoy each minute, that it’s not a big deal that I failed my concours for teaching.
    But in one side, there so many things we can’t do, because of material problems, like travel, do what we want, LIVE………….. MMmmmm actually life sucks.
    When I see what there is to visit in the world and my life, I’m depressed.I have the impression to waste my time.
    So, when I take time to think about me, I feel bad after lol.That’s weird.
    And you ?

    Ps : I really appreciate the fact you share your feelings with your fans and you often give some news.It’s quite rare.You’re an interesting and beautiful person and have an amazing talent as an actor.Stay like that

    Hugs
    Coralie

  • http://www.myspace.com/magpiez55 Magie

    I understand the fear, but am actually quite the opposite. I enjoy being alone and just taking time to think about me and my thoughts and actions. It gives me clarity as to the goals I have set and how well I am achieving them or keeping on track with what I want in the future. Hope you can keep up with your new goal!

  • Maria

    wow… are we connected somehow??!! lol I mean you dont know how what you just said reflects what im feeling right now! Umm… i have this thing that i always lean on other people to make me feel better and to give me strength. I dont like doing that but its just when i dont want to face my problems i use my friends to help me forget. I want to change that but its very HARD!

  • Rachel

    Wait! I posted walla go that I said I know how you feel, but I read it agin and changed my mind…I don’t know how you feel. Sorry. I should work on paying attention. Hehe

  • Jenny530

    You pretend to be someone else for a living!! That goes hand in hand with what you are complaining about. Not a contradiction. You are not a fraud.

    And..I do not think you should be so worried about sitting around..being able to ponder yourself so much. Too many people take themselves FAR TOO SERIOUSLY…and life is too short.

    It’s good to have direction. It’s good to be kind and careful. But we are social creatures. We are not meant to sit and ponder ourselves…or we become professors. It’s over-rated..I think.

  • http://www.atomicbirdhouse.com TK

    Wow…I’ve read that post like 5 times now…and my brain hurts now. But, I believe I got the gist of it.

    Pushing off feelings of the moment–I do that all the time. It has its upsides and downsides though. Like in bad situations, it makes it nice not to have so much emotion thrown in. But you miss a sense of understanding that comes with the emotion of the moment. I’m not sure that sentence even makes sense…

    But alas! There are moments where the reality of events comes crashing in! And usually what happens is I panic for a moment, then do something else to take my mind off the realizations. This usually piles up until some event gets blown out of proportion as all the bottled emotion comes out…or maybe I’m just strange, that could be true too.

    I like the personal commitment idea. Unfortunately…I’m not exactly sure how one would accomplish that. But best of luck!

  • Fannie (montreal)

    Strange…
    lately iv’e been avoiding my close friends almost … I hate it, I feel like they don’t deserve my independance, but my really close friends (lately i’ve been questionning who they are) know it’s who I am . And I TRULY Hope they love me and accept me for it .You see iv’e been working on openning up and meeting new people this past year , and generaly speaking it has done me good . There are many ways you can learn to be alone and you need to start by eliminating the fear that comes with it .slowly but surely . If ever you want advice from the independance expert Slash psychology student , you know who to call!
    take care of yourself!

    :D

  • Bouroux

    Hi Allison

    This fear is possibly a security mechanism. We often develop this kind of reflex to avoid being hurt. If our thought make us anxious and paralyzes us, it is better to think with moderation.
    More I think, more I have to take decisions and it’s very tiring.
    About your acting, don’t change a winning recipe.
    When you write your blog and when you read our coments, you do the exercise and you do it very well.
    In Montreal tonight the temperature is minus 17c.
    Take care of you.

    Bye
    Claude

  • Kelsay Myers

    I have the opposite problem. I focus too much on the meaning of my own thoughts, feelings, and existence. Therefore, while you’re trying to get in touch with yourself, I’m totally going to try getting out of my self and take care of what needs to get done and be social for awhile. ;)

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