Prejudice

I know we got into this topic a little bit the other day, and then birthdays and comic conventions got all exciting and distracting, but it is something I would like to revisit. When I think of prejudice, I automatically cut to white, pointy hats and burning crosses, completely taking me and my own personal prejudice out of the equation. But, if I am to live a truly responsible life, I would look at all the areas in my life where I limit my own experience of myself and the people around me because of my own prejudices that I never question.

I will share a little story with you! I was walking through a neighborhood in downtown Vancouver and this particular part of town does not have the best reputation. In fact, I think at one point in time it had the highest rate of HIV infection and heroin addiction per capita in North America. Give you a little bit of a picture?

Now because of this there are many people without homes on the streets and my general assumption when I am walking through these streets is that I need to put my head down and walk quickly. It’s “dangerous”. Now is there some truth to this? Absolutely! I don’t want to act like a moron and walk down the street the way I would my parents neighborhood, but I also want to be sure that I don’t begin to look at the people around me as less than human.

So, I am barreling through this block just trying to get from one stoplight to the next so I can relax, and I see a man crossing the street to come towards me, and I freeze. I put up my guard and immediately thinking he is going to ask me for money. Not one minute after my steel-wall of “safety” was firmly in place, did this man say to me, “I just wanted to tell you I like your dress.”

Done. No, “Spare change miss?” No, “Fucking rich bitch.” Nothing but a sweet comment from another human being.

I saw a wonderful Tibetan Monk speak a few months ago and he stated (now I am paraphrasing so bear with me) that, “The problem with the world comes from the fact that we don’t trust ourselves, therefore we don’t trust each other. We spend all our resources building stronger locks and bigger walls to lock ourselves in.”

So, when does it end? When does the fear caused by prejudice become so debilitating that we forget to live our lives? When does our fear of death become so powerful that we kill our selves prematurely out of an attempt to elongate something we aren’t even utilizing? Our time here on this earth is precious. We get one go at this.

Now I am not saying to be ridiculous, as I said in previous blog posts, it’s all about balance, but I challenge and urge you to look at where you prejudices lie and attempt to challenge or reverse them. See where you ride an invisible horse shrouding yourself in the white sheet of assumption.

It is a really interesting experiment.

Ciao
Allison

Newer Comments →
  • Jendi

    “The very ink in which history is written is merely fluid prejudice” (Mark Twain);

    It’s often said that religion is what has fuel most of our histories great wars; that can be view in another context, that perhaps it’s not ones religion but ones beliefs and prejudice that has stemmed such great tragities in history. Now I’m not sure on my stance on religion that was just an example.

    Historically prejudice has cause so many deaths/murder, from the witch burnings to titanic survives. However no matter how true and great we see ourselves personally we’re all prejudice everyday. Whether it’s getting frustrated at the slow lady at the check out; blamming her race or intelligence; buying a car or some clothes our prejudices are similar to our beliefs, our culture and our values. some may have been instilled in us by our parents, or our schools, our societies; Television, books, a billboard even!

    My point being everyday we are and we see prejudice, unfortunately I don’t see that changing in the near future but growing up my mother used to drill into me ” do unto others as you wish to have done to you”, perhaps we could all try and be a little less prejudice to mankind???

    First time commenter….ever….on any web page!

    Take Care Everyone

    Jendi 24 years old, nearing 25 and the need for anti aging cream I think:)
    New Zealand

    Found this website through a quality muscian on myspace!

  • http://pen.eiu.edu/~asvernon/ Anthony V.

    A few years ago, I went on a mission trip to Memphis Tennessee. Before going, I was scared because it was the “Inner City”. So of course the first thing that comes to my mind is people being shot, or whatever. Shows how naive I was and close minded. I did eventually end up easing up, and I even met a little boy that I got to play with while we were working on our house. It was nice because I got to share some stories with him and discover what he wanted to do in life (which was be a firefighter).

    Its really hard to try and get out of our comfort zones. For a while, I actually felt kind of awkward being around certain people because I didn’t act the same way that they did, and in the past, they would often make fun of me for it. As time went on, I eased up, but every now and then I still have that same mindset that I’ll be made fun of. I dont think its right to judge someone before you even meet them, because you never know what they might teach you.

    I really like this challenge that you’ve put toward us Allison. Sometimes its good to just examine ourselves and figure out what we need to tweak. Hopefully in the end, these things will make us stronger and help us to be more accepting to other without making assumptions.

    Thanks for the challenge :)

  • taylor nikole

    one word :wow
    but besides that… I’ve grown up in a family where even being the slighest bit ptedjudice toards ayone is strictly forbidden… which in some cases I guess makes for a better person. although no doubt I would have the same reaction to walking down the street in a neighborhood like the one you described…
    although I remember since I was little and my grandmother got further into drugs… (god rest her soul) putting her in these neighborhoods… while we were safe in our small rich little towns I remember thinking I could e the one to help her… which my mother also thought about herself… all of it scared me… I realized then after she had ut my mother through so much emotional stress and danger when having to go see her… I started to hate my own grandmother. I remember we had to pick her up once and I couldn’t look her in the face… and I started not being able to look at anyone that even sightly resembled her situation… but then I had to reaize not everyone is the same… not everyone is her…
    she died because od drugs last year… and I found myself actually crying.. for years id contemplated whether I would or not… now in truth… its not a ‘predjudice’ or ‘fear’ anymore… its a feeling of pity.
    now I’ve developed dislikes in people but not been able to just judge their cover… its not me

    but as for:
    “The problem with the world comes from the fact that we don’t trust ourselves, therefore we don’t trust each other. We spend all our resources building stronger locks and bigger walls to lock ourselves in.”

    kinda what I was getting at in my reply towards the original blog…. but I stated it as not being aware and not knowing therfore outting all of our energy towards putting up barriers for safetly…. varun said it more as this quote does…

    but how ca we trust other people when we can’t trust ourselves..
    but from experience I understand that.. trusting someonw when not trusting yourself is usually asking for trouble in general

    bahh im babbling
    but hey ill put more thought into how im goin to experiment
    hmm already discovering and digging up things I never analyzed about myself… seems to have been burried in a never ending orifice… maybe someday ill come closerr to the bottom

    <3taylor nikol

    b
    ps. sorry for spelling mistakes.. my phone keyboard is retarded

  • Marilyne

    I absolutely agree with you! I know the streets your talking about..and yes, I was told, right before I came in Vancouver: “Be careful in ****** streets, drugs, blabla” even locals told me that. Also, in the same road trip, I’ve been to San Francisco. The night my sister and I arrived, the gay parade had just ended, so there were beer bottles everywhere, urine odors, trash, and homeless people, I mean homeless people..like one every meter… We were looking for a restaurant but couldn’t find it…damn unprecise GPS ;p that we were actually hidding in our coats so that we wouldn’t be attacked… But the homeless didn’t want any money : they wanted a smile!
    “Gimme a smile girl!” So, as I am an easy smiler, I naturally smiled and then they’d say “that’s what I’m talking about” and that’s it! But still, as you said, we were walking pretty fast, looking only at our way and quite ignoring their eyes…

    The truth is, as my friends non know, I just never get mad or frustrated, really. But one thing pisses my of : Discrimation: Racism, homophobia and prejudices in general. Racism is really THE thing that can make me yell at someone and make them feel sooo bad when I witness a racism comment or act.! AW! I just can’t stand it! I can’t stand there and do nothing about it. And of course, I have prejudices too, just like my little adventure in SF. But for this one, I think it’s more of a security matter; not being a moron like you said!;p

    I really recognized myself in this blog!

    Really, really interesting topic by the way!

  • taylor nikole

    oh and.. expect a cookie video submission soon… from moi :)
    damn editing is too time consuming… and if I left some of that stuff in u might get a glimpse of the ‘real’ me… yikes! haha

  • Kathy

    Yes, it is too easy to simply label people as “criminals” or “drug addicts” and not look at them as real people.

  • Arash

    A few weeks ago I had a customer at work a very nice lady.
    I rather not to be specific about her religion.
    we had a lovely conversation and I just mentioned that I have been to her country and she guessed my background and religion.
    She turned to her daugther and said; ” I know these people, they are such a lovely people, they are so spritual, they are so kind and inviting …”
    The lady placed an order. Something new to be delivered and we agreed to pick up her old item without extra charge.
    A week later our delivery guys called from her appartment and said that her old item is much larger than they physically can move, they needed more guys and a larger truck, which wouldn’t be available until the next day.
    The lady called our me. She was furious. She said she was promised the job to be done that day and she will not wait till the next morning.
    She said; “I thought you people are good people, I was wrong, you people are liars, you people are cheaters, you people are the worst”.

    Well the job was done the next day. And I think she is okay now but that is not my point.

    I have to admit, for a few minutes after my latest conversation with her I was using the phrase; “YOU PEOPLE” the same way in my head. But then I realized I am becoming the very person I am disapproving.

    So I said on a second thought; SHE is nuts!

  • Kris

    I’m far from being a saintly unpredujiced girl, but I sure as hell make a conscious effort every day to treat people fairly. I’m grateful for having grown up in a city that is very diverse–economically and culturally–so I can honestly say that I was never at all sheltered. I grew up with rich kids, poor kids, white/black/Asian/hispanic kids, Catholics/Buddhists/Jews/Jehovah’s Witnesses…you name it we’ve got it. And I’m a better person for having been exposed to people from all walks of life.

  • viviane

    Allison is what happened to you unfortunately is very common! we all have this reaction to pre-judge the people who do not know! but I do not think that is our fault because people go very violent, aggressive, with anger in the heart … does not give for not suspicious of people! =/
    I feel very sad because this is not the colour, religion, nationality or money that defines us down! right?
    is the most powerful wear the money to help the needy and the world would be better!
    PS: careful when walking on streets dangerous! :)

    Love you!
    Viviane from Brazil! ;)

  • Darwin

    *smiles* I have met with people who have similar such encounters in a bad part of town…fully expecting some kind of unpleasant or even dangerous exchange…with one of the neighborhood denizens…only to
    find…like yourself some unexpected courtesy.

    SOME of these people focus on their fear and anxiety…preferring to depict what “might have been” the horror they barely escaped.

    Seeing it all through “those” eyes.

    And yes, it is true that YOUR experience that day was pleasant…on another it may not be.

    You acknowledged that it was pleasant….but the sad truth is that your expectations cannot pivot to ALWAYS expecting that it will be pleasant.

    Being prepared for the worse and hoping for the best is more in tune with being “balanced”.

    Appreciating encounters like yours is good. Dismissing it out of hand would be sad.

    There is the gratitude that should be involved.

    “That was pleasant and it easily could not have been.”

    But the very next person around the corner may have something less courteous in mind.

    Awareness…caution…a plan…if things go bad.

    Gratitude when things go good.

    Oddly…we sometimes have to be prepared to be grateful as well…or else we forget to be so.

  • Arash

    If you walk through that neighborhood pretty often let me know, then I’ll watch the show; “To Serve and Protect” more often. :)

  • http://traitors-stead.com Allie

    This past year I was living in Harlem New York, (well technically Spanish Harlem, but we were all over Harlem and Spanish Harlem and the Bronx and all of Manhattan really every day) doing humanitarian work there. At first me and my team were terrified each time we stepped outside the door. It was “Harlem” after all and it’s “reputation” hasn’t ever been the greatest. The very apartment we were living in had been broken into and stolen from only weeks before we arrived. So yeah, anyways, we were all pretty skiddish at first, and never talked to anyone, kept our heads down and tried to avoid any and all conversation.

    Anywho, it was a few months into our time there, and I suddenly had my revelation (the one I talked about in the last post, lol) of how I wasn’t perfect and I had my own issues, and in the end we were all humans and I needed to kind of open up a bit, take down the shield and just experience life and humanity without seeing people in a certain way, judging them for how I thought they might be, or even because of where they lived. And it was so awesome because about the same time, the rest of team kind of had the same moment where they realized that too. It was kind of odd actually, that it had taken us that long to all get that. Especially since we were there to help people!

    But anyways, then we just started talking to people that we passed, and had been avoiding, every day. Plato, the man who sat on a stool outside the corner store, bundled in a coat and scarf, and made sure that nothing was stolen, everyday, even in the snow. Jose the man who worked 7 days a week without breaks and managed and owned the little market on the way to the subway. And they were lovely people, with amazing stories and nothing like we had expected them to be. We took that attitude with us when we traveled to Jamaica for a month, visiting AIDS centers and feeding people on the street, and met even more amazing people that we might have dismissed or tried to avoid before. O’Brien, who had been living in Kingston and had been in a gang and heavily addicted to drugs, but was now completely clean and helping to run humanitarian projects in Montego Bay. He certainly didn’t look like the type of person you’d want to meet in a dark alley at night, but he was the nicest, most caring person once we got to know him. The list really goes on and on of people we got to really meet and get to know once we got over what we thought about them.

    It was just that much easier and added more fun in all the other things that we did. That much easier to see the good in people, the extraordinary, and to see how much grace other people gave us, rather than simply putting people into categories, than simply seeing everyone as full of problems and beyond hope while also being ignorant of our own problems. Lol, if that makes any sense. :D
    Hope your week is going good!

  • Gnome

    Since you have shared your story, let me share mine:

    I was on party at a friend’s house and by 2 am I decided to go back home by walking and all by myself.
    Not a smart move, I confess, but some glasses of wine took all my sense of dangerous that night.
    Anyway……. I was going home, waiting for crossing the street when a humble man, about his 40, came to me and just said a “good night”. I answered him with a good smile on my face (thanks for the wine) and thought that I had already made my “good action of the day” so I could leave and sleep peacefull.
    I was so wrong……… After that he offered me a drink, I refused. Then he decided to walk me home. Normally I would suspect of the “good intentions” of the guy, but something on him wasnt threating me at all, so I accept his company (Blame the wine).
    And it happened to be a pleasant company. He just wanted to talk and told me about his whole life. He was a simple guy, and even show me his ID, cause he wanted me to know his name: Salmo. I will never forget. Specially now that I wrote that down
    We talked a lot and I decided to accept his offer for a drink. There goes my night and we shared a COKE.
    At the end of all the conversation, we hugged as we were a long time friends and he made a gesture that got me by surprise: he got all his money (not a lot) and handed to me saying that he probably would spend it with wrong things and he wanted me to keep it.
    How come someone, who apparently doesnt have much, could be able to give up everything he has in the moment for a complete stranger???? Just for the nice talk? I didnt know what to do.
    I accepted the money, affraid of offending him, but then I gave him back, telling that, since I was giving him the money as a gift, he would think twice before use it.
    I dont even know how I came up with that one. All I know is that worked. And finally he left.
    And then I start to think to myself about the “what ifs”:
    What if i had taken a taxi…
    What if I had runned away from him at the first moment
    What if I was a son of a bitch and that poor guy had trust me his life
    What if I was him…. just wanting to talk and nobody stop for listening
    Then I was standing there…….pondering…..
    That guy had no idea how much he changed my life. His heart was so free for a complete strange that a envy him. Not envy, admire him.
    I so wanted to be like that. I have built so many walls around me. Its time to bring them down.

    Well…. thats a start. Maybe I should stat to drink wine more oftenly……….

    Thanks for sharing

    PS: My Jiminy Cricket still says that I should not be naive and walk by myself around 2 am. Should I kill him with my wall?

  • Arash

    If any body here has not seen the last lecture of
    Randy Pausch
    I absolutely recommend it;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

    At some point he says;
    If you think of someone as not a good person,
    you just have not given them enough chance.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    When I moved into my first home after looking for one for 8 years, the people helping me move surveyed my new neighborhood as we were approaching the house by truck and nervously asked me, “Is this place you are moving to … integrated?”

    My answer was, “It is now.”

    =====

    One day, I walk out onto the street and there is this little old lady slowly walking down the other side of the street quite a ways away from me. Near her, is a man in a business suit walking towards her. She barely glances at him then sees me. I was rather casually dressed — never one to be stylish in any way. Her eyes wider, her gaze fixates on me, she lifts her cane and starts moving towards me like a marathon runner. She crosses 4 lanes of traffic ably dodging traffic as she calls out for me to wait up for her. See gets near me and the cane touches pavement again and the slow, limping gait resumes. Then she begins her laundry list of needs. What an amazing woman! How did she know from so far away that I didn’t (at that time) have the backbone or callous indifference to deny her anything that I had (no matter how badly I needed my time and money and how much I believed or disbelieved her pitch)? How did she know that the man on the same side of the street with all the trapping of wealth wouldn’t help hr at all?

    =====

    Before getting the house, I ran down the back steps of my apartment with my bag of garbage, opened the door and went towards the dumpster ate at night in the back alley. I jumped back 3 feet because someone was standing there. No one ever was there so I was surprised. Then this man starts telling me that he is just passing by and that he had no intention of robbing me just and that I was a bigot because I was scared for a moment and he was Black. I tried to tell him that it didn’t matter what color his skin was — he could have been anyone — even Santa Claus and I would have had the same startled reaction coming upon someone suddenly like that in the middle of the night where I expected no one to be. He didn’t believe me and chose to be angry about it. That was his prejudice.

    =====

    So … a man crossed the street to tell you he likes your dress. That’s a positive? In itself or as preferable to getting asked for money? Because I am terrified of complementing anyone about anything except under very controlled situations in which I have prior permission to do so.

    “Nice dress.” “Why are you looking at my dress? Do you think I put this on for you to look at? Get away from me! Get anywhere near me and I’ll scream!”

    “What a pretty Baby!” “Don’t you look at my baby! What kind of pervert are you? Looking at babies!”

    I think it is still safe to think flowers are beautiful … and sunsets … and buildings and maybe cars … and maybe mice …. OH NO! Mice are on the no-no list too! I forgot. Don’t worry. I won’t be leaving my cubicle.

  • Jennygirl

    This is a wonderful thought, and a lovely idea, but you are bringing out the mom in me…

    So whilst you are fighting your pre-conceived notions, please remember that there is a reason for some places to be considered statistically unsafe.

    Maybe next time take Clark with you? I’d feel much better.

  • Fatma

    Wow, very insightful and heartfelt blog.
    All i can say is that im grateful that i live in a place that is very multicultural and diverse, i believe its made me a better person, sure you get some level of prejudice, but it seems thats apart of the world we live in, no matter what we try to do, prejudice will always seem to exist.

    Its not fair to place ‘labels’ on people, it not only limits you from living ur life to the fullest but it also significantly limits the person being ‘labelled’ from living there’s to the fullest. We shouldn’t place this burden on ourselves and especially on others.
    Is it so hard to see people simply for who they are,Humans? No. Treat people how you want to be treated, simple as that.

    Thanks for another awesome blog, Allison
    Take care everyone

  • Kyle

    A lot to address in that blog of yours; here goes. I pretty much agree with everything you said. People have to know themselves before they can know other people — its just how humans work.

    You said it correctly, we need to have balance. Prejudice is such an ugly word. How about something like — cautious or shrewd? We need to be safe at times, sure. But, when we prejudge people on the shallow basis of skin, appearance, race, etc that would be compromising our integrity — and that is wrong. Its a constant learning process, because every situation is different. We just hope we grow after every instance.

    I’ll keep what you said in mind and analyze my own life for a form of prejudice I might be missing. Till then, thanks for the thought.

    -Ky

  • Le-Ann

    This was very insightful, Allison.
    It definitely hit close to home for me because I do live in Vancouver and last year at my school we went to the soup kitchen for a class trip. I was pretty damn scared to be going down to Cordova considering I’m a young teenage girl. However, after spending an hour or so serving many homeless people lunch and being able to have a chat with several of them, I realized just how normal every single one of these people were. Many of them had great stories to tell and I learned a lot from people who, just several hours before, I was terrified to be in the same room with. It definitely makes you think a little bit.

  • Ivy

    Onother great blog….challenge , Allison. Ghad, this is better than college!!! :)

    One thing I can say Allison is you got lucky. If that street has a bad reputation as you described it, I perfectly understand why you felt the way you did. There’s no crime in being caucious. I think it’s unfair to beat yourself up because sometimes you pre-judge people the wrong way. Afterall, the one you’re protecting is yourself.

    Could you really blame us…people…society, for being prejudice? Turn on the TV and just 30sec of watching the NEWS would want to make you stay at home. HEADLINE: “In London in average,there is a knife related crime every 52mins” Well im sorry for not jumping for joy when a friend invited me to visit Madame Tussaud. But I have this all sorts of visions in my mind. Your planning a holiday, you visit tripadvisor and you read some very informative reviews. Instinct – you take the good review and at the same time caution yourself to unexpected. -Human nature.

    What if that man, really mogged you? Would your view about everything change?

    Don’t get me wrong, I dont agree that we swim ourselves to fear or with our own instinct , or our assumptions, or our own prejudgements but it won’t harm us to listen to our inner voice. If we’re wrong , we’re wrong, you learn from it. But what if we we’re right?

  • http://corriefood.blogspot.com Corrie

    Allison, I highly recommend you read Malcom Gladwell’s book, Blink. It’s about how people make quick decisions, often driven by unconscious prejudices. It’s a very fast read because everything he says is really interesting, and there’s a section in which he talks about how police can make inaccurate judgments about potential criminals, often resulting in death or injuries to innocent individuals (he interviews police officers as well as other researchers regarding this and other topics). He talks about a wide range of subjects as well, but I wanted to point out that he addresses the prejudice issue in a very interesting, easy-to-understand way. My love for this book might be a little biased because I’m a psych major, but I still think you would love it.

  • Gaia

    You’re awsome! You passed your fears :) I agree with you :) I perfectly know how you feel when you are prejudge by someone… I’m prejudge by a lot of people because of my phisical problem :( but It’s like you said, you must trust each other and ourselfs too :D I hope now you won’t prejugige me too.. but I know you wont :D You’re special!

  • kerrieanne

    I live in quite a rough area of England and at the moment knife and gang crime is on the rise. When I started University last year people were overly wary around me and not wanting to get on my bad side purely due to where I call home. It took several weeks for me to convince people that it is only a minority of people who cause this bad reputation. Thankfully, i now have many wonderful friends. Friends that I look forward to seeing in September when i return to university :D

  • Claude

    The best way to deal with this is, IMHO, to achieve a balance. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Caution is a good thing, just don’t let it become paranoia.

    Having your guard up in an area with a less than stellar reputation is not a bad thing, just don’t let it blind you to the fact that there are good people even in the worst areas (just as there can be bad people in the best areas). On the other hand, areas with a bad reputation didn’t get that way without a reason.

    Balance may be good, but isn’t easy. Prejudice is easier than a balanced rational approach. So too is blind optimism. We tend to be creatures of extremes.

  • The Friday Philosopher

    We label the unfortunate people of this world because if they are “Criminals” and “Drug Users” then their not “People with Problems.” If we see “People with Problems” then nine out of ten of us will want to help them, and the truth of the matter is that one person can’t help them all!

    Having spent some time on the not so green grass myself, I can tell you that you should be weary when walking some of these streets! You might walk for miles and only encounter nice people, like the ones I stayed with, but for every one that thinks your dress is nice there is another who is more interested in your purse!

    They’re not bad people, they’re just desperate. Some of them say that those who fear them expect to be robbed, so why should we be anything less than they expect? I was lucky; I had older men and women with standards looking after me. Most people would consider this strange, their homeless, they have nothing why bother with standards? We bother with standards because, these and the basic human morals that our parents teach us from a young age, set us apart from the mindless animals that are infesting our darkened streets.

    I started out by begging for money, over time this got me enough money to buy a second hand guitar, which I then used to play in the pedestrian tunnels or train stations; I would get arrested a lot for busking in public area’s, and then I met five of the nicest people I have ever met. All of them just as homeless as I was; they taught me to respect myself, they were right too; nobody else was going to respect me! With self respect, they told me never to beg for money, no self respecting human begs! We would give people compliments and even though we would never expect them to give money, some of them still would!

    I’m self-employed now, thanks mostly to the five people who took care of me. I have money, more than I can shake a stick at, according to my girlfriend! I’ve never felt the urge to tell you the truth.

    I give back as much as I can, it’s not as much as I would like but I at least ensure that some of the homeless in my community have three meals a day.

    Friday

  • Jennygirl

    I was thinking about this more last night (once I could get past the safety part of Allison shouldn’t be in the scary parts of town, holy cow).

    As I teacher, we think about this in a couple of ways. We are concerned with teaching the kids to be accepting of others, and not judging each other by their skin (we have a wonderful mix of people in my school). But at the same time, we have to watch ourselves and how we make judgements about families unconsciously. “Their culture doesn’t value education, so even if I talk with them, they STILL won’t help Johnny with his homework”. I’ve seen this happen more than I’d like to admit.

    I try my hardest to not make any assumptions, the let the year play itself out, and look for the good in all my parents, and focus on the fact as we all want these kids to succeed. And I try very hard not to think of what these parents are assuming about me.

    I think it would be very hard for cops, as they are in such scary situations everyday, the stress level being very high, and they have to make their decisions so quickly. It would be VERY difficult for them not to fall back on easy assumptions, after seeing things play out time and time again.

    Whenever I get whiney about my job, I think of the cops and what they are up against.

  • Jennifer

    I help a close friend of my family’s by mowing her grass once a week and she lives in a bad neighborhood that has alot of crime. She has an alley behind her house and alot of strange people tend to walk down it. I have to mow the grass that’s back there and one day my friend told me about some things that had gone on a few days earlier that week right down the street from her and it really scared me then later that day I was mowing in the alley and a man on a bike started coming near me. He had long hair and looked like he hadn’t shaved or bathed in months and was carring a dirty backpack with holes in it. My heart started racing. I thought omg he’s going to hurt me or take my watch. I was scared shitless. Then he just passed me and smiled,turns out he is the brother of my friends next door neighbor and comes to see her everyday. He ‘s not mentally well and stays at a shelter several blocks away. I felt bad,here’s this man who I thought was going to attack me and turns out he’s not well. I felt like an ass.

  • http://myspace.com/kireiodoru Lexie

    The following quote is one of my favorites. I believe it applies to any relationship in this life even if that means a one-line exchange with a stranger.

    “Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” -C.S. Lewis

    By building walls in our hearts whether of prejudice, fear, selfishness or pride, we cheat ourselves from the joy that life has to offer us each and every day!

  • http://www.lizmoser.co.uk Elizabeth M

    I like to think I am not prejudice because I am not racist or homophobic, which seems to be hot topic issues these days. The world has gone politically mad and tries to correct peoples prejudices by making them use different words. I think it is a hell of a challenge to change the way people think.
    Like yourself and many others, I too get scared in rough neighbourhoods and have found myself to think the worst of people.
    Why does it scare me so much that a poor homeless person asks me for money? Hell I should just give it to them. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t….it all comes down to how guilty I am usually feeling at the time. I wished I could be more like my mother. She never questions she just gives, whether it be money or her time. I;ve been hardened by society.
    Every day we make judegements about people falsely or rightly. I find myself getting sucked into conversations about people, judging their actions when lets be honest its none of my damn business.
    I guess what I am trying to say is, that I know I’ll never be prefect and I will always have some sort of prejudice on some issues but I do actively try to be wary of my thoughts and actions and I think if we were all a bit like that things wouldn’t be so bad.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    [Remember the movie "Patch Adams" and what happened to his girlfriend when she tried to overcome her fears and prejudices. Err on the side of caution.]

  • The Friday Philosopher

    In reply to Elizabeth M,

    Perfection is the only goal that nobody will ever achieve.

    The fact that any of us are aware of the prejudices we may have, and choose to do something about them is more than enough. It would be terrible if we accepted our faults and evolved our lives around them. We would be so consumed by our hatred and fear of others that life itself might not be worth living.

    So Elizabeth, you’re right. None of us will ever be perfect, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t attempt to better ourselves!

    Friday

  • Jo

    Okay. So I know what area you are refering to. NOT a good place to be. I totally understand what you are saying about being prejudice but (and I’m sorry if this doesn’t agree with some people) that particular area has it’s reputation for a reason. Being prejudice in an area like that could potentially save your life. A very close friend of mine is an RCMP officer in Vancouver and recently took me on a drive through that area and gave me a little bit of history. I think there is a fine line between being prejudice and being safe. Yes, not all of these people are bad people, I know this, buy when you take yourself into an area like that, being prejudice, as I said before, could potentially save your life. Ex mental patients and drug addicts don’t strike me as good company. I’m not sure this is a good example of prejudice/or lack there of. I think in a situation like this where you were approached in such a way, you had every right to initaiily react the way you did. Self preservation is not prejudice. What if he hadn’t had good intentions? What then? I would have had my back up no matter what area of town I was in. Because, no matter how much we want to see the good in everyone, sadly, there is to much violance in this world not to be cautious.

  • Audra

    You have a very good point there and I agree we all need to challenge ourselves and see where our prejudices lie. But what about the times when we do look past the social stereotypes (bad neighborhood = bad things), and we go in trying to be open minded and then we see some people look down at the people that are open minded?

    For example, I am the kind of girl who thinks we all need to get out and vote. I don’t care what side of the fence you sit on.. just vote and make your voice heard! So I volunteered to go door-to-door to make sure people are registered to vote, and if not, helped them get registered if they so desired. When I got to where they sent me, I saw it what was labeled “the bad neighborhood” for my city. I was cool with that though, I figured as long as I am just me and keep an eye out, I will be fine. So here I am going door-to-door and while most people were friendly as could be.. some treated me like trash. I got the dirtiest looks, doors slammed in my face and the like. While this could happen in ANY neighborhood, I think what made me leery was when someone said “Why do you bother, you don’t fit in here. Why are you trying to change us?” Then the little voice in my head was warning me that just because I am cool with everyone, everyone may not be cool with me.

    So I guess it does come down to balance.. in our minds and socially. Even if we see where our prejudices lie, we have to take in account where everyone elses may lie and adjust accordingly.

    Hmm, I hope this all makes sense written out!! But now I have to go and ponder this a bit more.

  • arash

    Other people’s prejudice certainly has made me a stronger person.

    As a child I was constantly persecuted for my family’s belief.
    I was in a minority religion somewhere in mid-east.
    MY cousin was executed, my dad was fired from work repeatedly, everything we had was confiscated. And this was on top of a revolution and 8 years of war that every one else in the country was experiencing.

    I finished grade 8, with the highest grade in school and it was time to change to high school but no one would register me, they were scared of government. Finally someone had guts to take me in. But that was it. End of the line. University for people like me was out of the question.

    I did not even have a right to get a passport and leave the country.

    I remember the night we were climbing the mountains to pass the border, we were spoted by the guards, I heard shots from behind.
    Total dark, the people of my homeland were shooting me from behind and strangers with their gun were waiting for us on the other side of the border. Total dark, the guy who was smuggling us whispered in my ear; “don’t go into the mud try to jump over big stones” I said; “but I am gonna get shot”. He said;”up to you, but we are in the middle of a mine-field”.

    15 years later, I am living in toronto as a canadian citizen. I have done a few college and university degrees.

    There is something I want to share here. Although it looked like I was locked in most of my life, but when you free your mind from all prejudices, then you feel free.

  • Amanda

    That first paragraph is a stereotype that I’m all too familiar with. It’s based on a time in the South that was horrible and grotesque and my generation is still paying for it. From my experience, every time I travel north of the Mason-Dixon line it never fails that once they hear I’m from Alabama I’ll get at least one person who will 1) deduct IQ points or 2) assume how I feel about things because of where I come from.

    Prejudice is not limited to skin color. I have also had someone, who barely knew me, tell me that I was closed minded for being a Christian. That all people who said they followed Jesus were hypocrites and hate mongers and that he knew I would be just like the rest.

    What? Hellloooo, get to know me before you assume something about me. Hmmm…isn’t that the point? At least get to know me before you decide you don’t like me.

    Am I perfect? Heck no. I have my own socially acceptable prejudices like don’t look a homeless person in the eye or hold your purse close to you when you walk past them. Don’t go in a certain part of town or you’ll get robbed. Is that right? Right now, my pastor is Brazil working with missionaries stationed there to help those who are drug addicts, kids starving and sniffing glue bottles so they won’t feel the hunger pains. Little kids living on the streets because if they go home their parents will sell them to the highest bidder into child prostition. People who are hopeless and hurting but to those passing by they are the section of town you are “supposed to avoid”. What if those working there right now, making a difference had said I’m not going there it might be dangerous?

    We will never move past prejudice unless we can see people as people and not based on their skin color, faith, socio economic background, education, disease, you name it. I was taught that we are all precious in God’s sight.

  • Vegas911

    Okay this is a touchy topic…….See if anyone here can help me to explain this…..

    There is a part of town in my area called Over The Rine, it is the toughest area around here…..If a white person is seen walking or driving in this area past a certain hour it is an automatic assumption that they are there for drugs or prostitutes, how unfair is that? But this is just the type of place that you don’t go unless you live there. I am Multiracial and I will not venture there for any reason!!! I find myself torn by the feeling that I have regarding this. I am Italian and Black…but I don’t identify with other people of color like I do with caucasians. I was raised by a non ethnic family in a predominatly caucasian community and school system. I find myself making jugements on other people of color, that are not positive. Am I being prejudice? For me it is not a matter of color but of education, and self respect.

    I was raised in a certain way, education was very important to my mother, it was not a choice of IF I wanted to go to college, I just was…. end of story!! I speak in a manner that is different from the other people of color in my area. I am not “black enough” for them. There are not only divisions between blacks and whites, but also black people of different shades. Because I am of a lighter complection other darker people automatically treat me as if I think that I am better then them. I had a group of Black woman that wanted to fight me one day, simply because I spoke proper english, they were calling me a stuck up bitch…i had to leave to keep from getting my ass handed to me. The funniest part of this story is I never even spoke to them, I was standing there having a conversation with someone else!!! So I think that we are all predjudice in one way or another – I think that I am a bad person for having these feelings or that I am a trader in some way. But Black people have always made fun of me calling me uncle tom, and stuck up, and a white wannabe……white people have always been more excepting of me….why do I feel this way…..makes me want to cry! Any thoughts?

  • Pamela

    Hi Allison

    Thanks again for a very thought provoking blog entry. I would have felt exactly the same as you if I were in your situation.The fact that you used your experience to look at yourself more closely and examine your own prejudices is how you learn and grow as a person. I think the key is to be aware that we all have preconceptions about someone whether we admit it or not. Being aware of it means we can overcome it.

    I consider myself a compassionate, caring person but I recognise that I have prejudices and preconceptions about what some people are going to be like before I know them. This is dispite knowing what its like to be on the receiving end of bullying because girls judged me on how I looked when I was in school. I strongly believe all our experiences in life mould us into the human beings we become.Altough I didn’t think so at the time, the bullying helped make me a stronger, more caring person. The same can be said about life experiences moulding the people who are now homeless or addicted to drugs. They were all born as innocent babies, clean slates, blank canvasses but their upbringing and lifes experiences lead them to where they are now. When I see homeless people asleep in doorways I often find myself asking “Where are these people’s families, what is their story and how did they end up here.” I also thank God for everything I have.

    I think the way society has changed has increased our fears. When Im driving alone, I wont give a lift to men who are thumbing on the side of the road. The fear of the unknown and fear of attack prevent me from doing this. Yet if my brother was thumbing a lift, I would hope someone would be kind enough to give him a lift. I feel bad when I pass them by but Im only thinking about my safety.

    Fear is such a strong emotion and can stop us doing so much.There have been several situations in my life I wish I could change, things I didn’t say or do because I was afraid of the outcome and rejection.We need to listen to our gut and follow our instinct because so far I have found more often the not it is right. :) :)

    Hope you are keeping well
    Pam

  • Maria

    I have never seen the point of racism. I mean come on, we are all living in the same world. And it’s not like it’s not big enough i mean how many people live here billions, millions. And it’s not fair for people to have prejudice of people just because of their color or where they are living or how they look, how they dress. That is not fair, you need to give people a chance the same way you’d like for people to have a chance on you.

    Hey look I’m from Puerto Rico and out there in America they already have a stereotype of how puertoricans are. LIke they have an accent and they talk a way, they think that all puertoricans are like Rosie Perez. That’s why they get surprised when I suddenly talk to them in english without an accent.

    I think its getting harder and harder living in this world if you’re different. Because now if you’re different it’s a crime. If you study and have good grades you’re a nerd. If you like science you’re a geek. If you stand out that is a bad thing and i think that is completely unfair. I mean we have to get over the whole stereotype thing, you’ll be surprised at what you’ll learn about someone if you get to really know them. Look me and my best friend they call us nerds. Why because we study and we actually get good grades and me and my friend we just laugh at it because we know we’re not nerds, I mean we hate to study and half the time we don’t even know how we pass some exams.

    You have to give people a chance cause i’ve learned recently that EVERYONE has good inside them. No matter what their skin is or how they dress. We all have good in us.

    XoXo

    Maria

  • Billy George

    Hi Allison! I agree with you. Last year I was in downtown in Medellin, I was walking through in the street and a man under the effect of drugs tried to steal my MP 4. Since that I always pre-judge all people whom lives in the streets. Well I read what you wrote and yes, I think we must not pre-judge them unless we know them. So what everyone wrote in this place is helping me very much. Thank you! I’m awake now. I know some people and National Geographic said that Medellín is the dangerest city in the world, but I don’t think so. ‘Cause a lot of people here fight everyday for a better country. And a few, make this country a place for violence, war and kidnapping. But I believe that Colombia is going to fight against all that. So thanks for the topic Allison. Have a nice day. Adios. Sorry for my English.
    Billy.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    For this week’s challenge, I am going to abandon my fears and prejudice of differences in color that I usually avoid … in the area of food. No longer will I avoid the green bread or the black and white tomatoes. I’ve never given them a chance. And mold is responsible for saving hundreds of thousands of lives when it is used as an antibiotic. I will also stop avoiding lumpy milk and being ageist by looking at labels that people have stamped on the products they sell. Is it fair to not eat food simply because people we don’t even know have decided that it is too old to eat?! No food can be 100% bad. I will look for the best that the worst has to offer and celebrate when I find it. That brown liquid that used to be a bag of salad will certainly be easier to eat in a hurry than it was in solid form. Wish me luck! I’m sure to be shrouded in that white sheet in no time! I can almost see that invisible horse now!

  • http://www.galsbackpocket.blogspot.com gaL

    Anyone changed by the whispers of the wind is prejudice.. change when you want to … not just because you can ..

  • eli

    i would say the movie crash put it best, all races, jews, blacks whites arabs(all mid-east), and all others that i probebly forgot to say here, basecly saying not to judge a book by its cover, here is one example from my personal life, people thing i am an uneducated dumb person, but i just opened my own resterant and those people cant understand how a dumb person can understand the bussiness

  • http://photoblog.stamant.org/blog Ron

    There’s a difference however between ‘prejudice’ and an informed judgment. Prejudice is to pre-judge, to think or act without knowledge or something virtually unknown or perceived as known but ultimately not.
    When you walk through a rough part of town, and are fearful, you aren’t engaging in prejudice, you are simply using an informed judgment based on experiences (or the experiences of others).

    What is really happening is the instinct of self-preservation and protection which is our innate directive.

    We all have prejudices, and we often act on them for a variety of reasons. What separates the feelings and actions that you experienced, Allison, from someone who is negatively prejudiced, is that you recognized the behaviour and when you felt it was unjustified, you noted it within yourself and sought to make a change.

    In short (and sorry this was long), instinct is positive and natural, overcoming that instinct in the face of knowledge is the true path to wisdom.

  • arash

    Exellent work David Hayes.
    on the contrary, beside the looks I would also smell the food and I might even go as far as tasting a little bit.
    The green and white on the bread might be spinach and cheese.
    You’ll be surprised if I told you they even grow black tomattos these days.
    And the lumpy milk, that is just the first step to make home made cheese.

  • http://www.chloe-jimmy.blog.cz Pospola

    Wow Allison this is really interesting… You’re really make me think about that…

    In our town are many people like that… And when I meet them on the street I just went very quickly… Because.. Who knows what are they like? … Are they bad or good?

    When I read your story, it remebered me on the scene from Smallville… Chloe went across the dark street with a hut on her head and with hands in pockets and then comes Clark dressed up as a burglar :D

    Bleh.. Seriously now..

    You were very lucky, that you met that guy.. Because not all can be like he is and that’s sad.. :( Be careful on the streets…

    Pospola from Czech Republic

  • Medina

    Prejudice…

    Well, one day when im going a another big city in Brazil (im living in Manaus-Amazon) i was in a great bookstore, with my girlfriend, and she was very angry, because she realised that the guard watch a lot to my clothes (to see if i get a book).
    I have brazilian indian and afro blood, probably i have a kind of ‘paraiba’ face (a bad way to brazilians say that you are from poor brazilians cities).
    My girlfriend is gratuated in pharmacy
    I am a journalist
    but this dont is write im my face.

  • http://UnderConstruction Joey

    Good afternoon Miss Allison Mack,

    Thank you for the topic. Actually, i think it is all relative to adjustments. And we have to be free with our souls. The wisdow is not the accomplishment of ourself but the simple and pure enlightenment transcendending both the subject and the object. Here’s an important key about the Zen. Dear Miss Mack, actually, we have to be like water. Water is formless and shapeless. I mean that we cannot catch it between fingers. Water is certainly the softest element on the Earth but it can break and destroy the hardest rocks. It is very flexible. It is a pure example of adjustment. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, if you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, if you put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drop but it can crash. We have to be very attentive to its adjustment qualities. Miss Mack, we just have to be water my friend.

    I hope you’re fine and in peace with your soul.
    Have a lot of fun and keep smiling,
    My regard to Tabby,

    Your friend always,
    Joey L.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    Today I am being tested. I was warned to disassociate myself from someone because something from that person’s past has surfaced. But the person has never been anything but kind and helpful to me at a time when I needed a little kindness and understanding. If he is in trouble, the last thing he needs is his friends distancing themselves to preserve their reputations. I have judged the man by his actions towards me and others and I won’t judge him based on whispers and things I know little or nothing about.

    … and yes Arash, I go boldly forward with my food tolerance! Isn’t lumpy milk cottage cheese? Just think of all the wonderous foods we would have missed out upon if some brave soul hadn’t seen an eliptical white object fall out of a chicken’s backside and say, “Hmmm. That might be something worth eating!”

  • http://www.angelfire.com/sc3/harv/ David Harvey

    Death is the easy part, living poses quite the challenge. As to what the monk talked about, we build stronger locks to protect us from life, for it is also said there are things worse than death – so surely we spend our time trying to fortify ourselves against them.

  • Amanda

    David Hayes can I just say that I was moved (no pun intended) by your previous post. Go boldly into that dark night–just make sure you take your pepto with you…and that you’ve had all your shots…and your health ins premiums are paid. ;)

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