DISCONNECT

So I am not sure if you all have noticed or not, but I have recently pulled a disappearing trick on myself that is truly quite remarkable. Where I went I have no idea, the illusion of my disappearance is outstanding.

I have lost me for a bit. I can start to see the outline of myself coming out of a haze, but I am still not too sure of where I went. You may or may not have noticed the slight randomness and disconnect in my last few blogs… Well, they are really a result of me feeling a bit like I have lost my way and forgotten me and what I love. I know that sounds super cheesy, but sometimes it is easier to disappear into what I produce than it is to simply relate and exist.

But the good news is there is always another side. Several wonderful encounters with friends as well as the viewing of a couple of incredible artist endeavors have helped pull me out of the funk I was in. It is because of this experience that I am so amazed by us as humans and how every little thing we say and do effects the whole world in a cataclysmic way. We are so influenced by every human experience we have, it is remarkable.

Until tomorrow!?

xo
Allison

  • Nathan

    yeah I know the feeling, personally I just need time to find something inspiring to focus on and it goes away. Hope you feel over it soon… Mind you if you need to take a break from posting thats cool too. Let your creative well refill a little. I can’t keep up with your posts … You amaze me.

  • SmallvilleRulz

    i think that is really cool that ur friends can *ubdisconnect u g2g though 2 watch more smallville!!!!season 6 premiere!!!!!(DVD)awesome job on chloe btw!!!!keep it up!!!

  • taylor nikole

    ahh true
    but what amazes me most about us…
    is our ability to read other people
    or those people that just read you so well…
    they push you over the edge, asking hundreds of questions about your ‘subtle’ mood change…
    making you want to just punch them in the face…
    because they are right on the dot.

    but when i get like that
    which i actually easily notice
    I just pic up my camera :)
    and after looking at my beautiful photos
    im me again :)

    i kinda understand what you mean though… im not sure i noticed it, but in a way i was kinda loosing interest a little bit… well thats just me.
    I’m not sure how to describe it.
    I told my friend
    “I’m starting to get annoyed, im not sure if its the right word, but its starting to feel weirdish or awkward, with my community a little bit (website wise) like yesterday”
    and hes like
    “why’s that”
    and my response
    “I’m not sure how to explain it”
    if that makes any sense to anyone
    whatso ever :)

    ehh its 1 am … i might just be babbling…
    i can’t go to sleep cause ive been having major growing pains :(

    <3 taylor nikole

  • Puffy

    “Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle” Lewis Carrol

  • Jendi

    I have a question for you…. what is the meaning of life, now before you roll your eyes let me finish. No matter where in the world you are, what your values/culture/beliefs/religion it is a question we have all I am sure asked ourselves or someone close to us

    perhaps that is the answer, that the meaning of life is to ask these questions of our selves, to challenge ourselves to find our own meaning and direction…..

    or then theres the concept of freewill????

    Thoughts fellow thinkers and philosophers ?

    A note to Allison; don’t take this the wrong way but I am a fan of your thought provoking blogs, have seen your show in glims but enjoy more your challenges and concepts and what I see lies ahead for your career…perhaps some strong historical figure???

    Take care all,

    oh one last thing;how about the olympics…what a truely remarkable event that has on show every single human emotion and trait!

  • Gaia

    I’ve been impressive of what you have said. It’s true :D Sometime I don’t know where I go too… But then I wake up and face the real world again. It’s like in Smallville’s episode 6×19 don’t you think? Where Chloe being controlled by her mother! Here you being controlled by ” another you”. You make me growing up day by day, and I don’t know how to thank you!!!

  • Gaia

    Yeah, we’re all your friends and we’ll help you! I’m looking forward to see you back

  • DEFORT

    Don’t worry be happy.Our life so short that think about it.But many in our life give food for think.For example,war.Now in South Osetia,people go to sleep with ideas about future,but in the morning theirs house in ruins and their relatives are dead.And I thinking what if this can happens with me…

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    I look at the fields high with corn on my way to work and wonder with amazement how such growth and productivity can come out of that soil season after season – a true miracle. Yet I know that ever field needs to occasionally lay fallow for a time for it to be able to continue.

    At work, I am continually asked to move in directions that I know are terribly off the mark as far as moving in a direction to get the job done. I know better. I resent how my time is being wasted … and my life because time is the stuff of which life is made. But I have to get beyond resentment to get on to acceptance and commitment and, when I do, something strange happens. A path I could not see from the approach I had been taken opens up for me and discoveries I would have never made on the road I was on come into bloom. The new direction WAS indeed a false one, but it served to open my eyes and leave me better prepared to begin again with a clearer view of how to obtain the desired goals.

    Those that are lost will be found. Those that don’t know they were lost … only keep going the way they were and get even more lost? If I don’t have those fallow periods in my life, years pass and I productively achieve things that hold no meaning for me — a version of the active laziness you discussed.

    Those are my waking thoughts on the topic.

    One question on a previous blog: Does “Emotional Telepathy” equal “Empathy?”

    Take Care,

    David

  • Bethy

    Hi Allison and Everyone!

    My first post- so excited and nervous all at the same time!

    First of all, let me just say that Allison, you are amazing! The way you find the time to connect with your fans and share these inspirational and thought-provoking posts with us daily… it’s incredible. I just found this site two days ago, and spent hours reading your previous posts. You all here are like a family… I hope you have room for one more? :)

    “We are so influenced by every human experience we have, it is remarkable.”

    These words caught my attention. I was just thinking about that the other day, and it’s so true. Every little experience, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time affects the way we are today, it’s so amazing.

    I hope you find your way back, I know how it feels to wake up and find yourself disconnected.

    I got to get to school, but I can’t wait for your post tomorrow.

    Love,

    Bethy

  • Kris

    I think that those “where have I gone” moods are quite a necessary distraction that are a natural process to keep our minds from burning out. Nobody can go full speed ahead ALL the time. You’ll go crazy if you don’t stop at the farmer’s market or do a little playing in the dirt. Every moment of the day doesn’t have to be filled with profound thoughts and actions, although it is quite commendable that you try. It’s important to have days when you don’t feel like yourself…you appreciate being back to your old (or new rejuvenated) YOU a little more afterwards. I think it’s an example of “absence” making your heart grow fonder of itself. So don’t beat yourself up over it, Allison. You’re only human you know ;) (Reminds me of the Billy Joel song…it’s a good one.)

  • The Friday Philosopher

    Through the eternal darkness of uncertainty we travel,
    blinkered to the journey, our lives barely touching the sides.
    Only a fortunate few manage to pick up the scent of destiny,
    even less manage to grasp it altogether;
    the road through life, uneven and jagged,
    waits enthusiastically for us to stumble and fall.
    With the aid of others we can regain our footing;
    It’s our loved ones, who provide the essential support,
    as we traverse the road of life.

    The road through life is the toughest of all journeys,
    the surface so rough and jagged, concentration overload,
    we have little opportunity to find ourselves.
    The voyage is extensive and treacherous,
    yet not a single one of us travels the road alone.
    Utilise the miracle of friendship,
    for only though interaction with others,
    can we truly find ourselves.

    Even the most focussed of us manage to lose ourselves from time to time, but like some have said, “How can you truly find yourself if you didn’t know you were lost!”

    Friday

  • Henriette

    My Grandfather always said to me: “If you don’t know how to move on and you feel that you’ve lost yourself, just walk through the forest. Than, look up to the treetop and see the light shining through the leaves. Take a deep breath and than you feel more yourself then you ever have.” Sounds so easy, dosen’t it?

  • http://photoblog.stamant.org/blog Ron St.Amant

    It’s rather easy to get ‘lost’ in things and lose sight of what you feel should be your centre, but the good thing is that it is often just as easy to find your way back. Personally I search for the small, the subtle moments when the true beauty of life is revealed. It is often in the everyday things we take for granted, or the moments we might otherwise hurry through if we were not in the mind to pay attention.
    For me it is my children that keep me focused, as they are the constant source of my connection to something greater than me and the realization of the importance of living in the moment.

  • Robin Hebert

    I know exactly what you mean. I proves that you have a tender heart that can be influenced by things….and that is why I DONT agree with the premise of that “unbearable lightness of being”…because according to that…nothing matters, when in actuality, it’s quite the opposite.
    When I start veering off the deep-end, what gets me centered more than anything is thankfulness, for the little things, as well as the big things. It’s a trip what you can be thankful for when you get started….I’m thankful for the dark background on this blog, its easy on the eyes. LOL.

  • alphakitty

    i may be WAY off here, but it sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make every post profoundly provocative. while i certainly enjoy those that strike up a good debate about philosophy and life’s most enduring questions, our minds are non-linear. they think in non-sequiturs. that’s the beauty of the blog. thinking out loud and sharing those random thoughts. go with it. embrace the medium.

  • Graham

    Until tomorrow?

    Allison, I am just wondering if you will still keep blogging as often as you are now when you have finished your 30 day objective? I am sure I speak for everyone when I say that seeing into your thoughts and feelings is a treat, but will that all disappear at the end of the month and we go back to only hearing from you once a month?

  • Lydia

    It is wonderful that you are surrounded by friends who are there for you when you need guidance, solace, support or simply company or a good friend.

    And once again, you don’t have to feel obligated to write every day. No pressure, only freedom to write whenever you feel like it.

    I think that everyone feels disconnected every so often. Lately, I’ve been ‘out’ of it as well as a result of looking forward to traveling to Vancouver, wanting to do it all (daily cleaning routine, exercising, dieting, improving English,…) and struggling with my weight loss journey. I have a clear picture in my mind of what I want but I have a long bumpy road ahead of me and I have felt a bit discouraged even before I started. My gloomy thinking casted a shadow over everything else.

    But, every cloud has a silver lining. My mom, emails from my international friends and your entries have helped me pick myself up again and continue my journey, with a smile.
    Your blogs are always a delight, inspiring and very often a pick-me-up. Please keep sharing your daily life experiences and continue to write from your heart and do what you like to do.

  • Kyle

    Sometimes we get like that. I did notice the randomness of your lasts posts, but I thought that was just “you.” It makes a little more sense now.

    I think what triggers some of it is how stressful and overwhelming our lives can be (I think you mentioned that in a blog a while back).

    Anyways, I’m glad you’ve “found yourself” again. Its good to know how to do it because sooner or later our identity will somehow slip away from us for a brief moment.

  • Eddie

    Allison,

    Sounds like some vacation time is needed.. with a beach.. a book.. and a drink :)

  • http://www.myspace.com/shinefloyd_luigi shinefloyd / luigi

    ok…
    Hello.
    Is there anybody in there?
    Just nod if you can hear me.
    Is there anyone home? ………..

    There is no pain, you are receding.
    A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
    You are only coming through in waves.
    Your lips move but I cant hear what you are sayin.
    When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
    Out of the corner of my eye.
    I turned to look but it was gone.
    I cannot put my finger on it now.
    The child is grown, the dream is gone.
    I have become comfortably numb………
    (Pink Floyd)

    Comfortably numb… behind the wall…
    looking into the inner…
    Breathe…
    all you touch and all you see
    Is all your life will ever be.
    stay cool

  • Jack

    Friends will always help you to get out of the bad humour, sadness and the other bad feelings. But only real friends. I wish You to have a lot of them!
    And I think that You are the good friend too.
    “You’re a good friend Chloe” ;D

  • Cara

    We all get that sometimes. I know lately I’ve been feeling that way as well.

    A lot is going on in my life right now and sometimes I find I need to be away from it all by being away from myself. In a strange way it helps you figure the situation along with yourself out.

    And it’s always nice to have your friends help pull you out of that ‘funk’ as well.

    And I agree with Eddie, a vacation can always help cure the bad stuff. And of course you can always take a break from blogging when needed too. We understand that you’re very busy.

    Thanks for taking the time to get in touch with your fans. I think that is so cool of you. And keep up the amazing work, you’re so creative!!

  • Gail

    Sometimes it is nice to ‘lose yourself for a bit’ – let other people help you find your way again. Happens to us all..

  • jennygirl

    I would think it would be very difficult staying grounded as to what reality was being an actress. You give so much to Chloe….we believe in her so much…I have to remind MYSELF that it is not reality…

    Go easy on yourself!

  • Lindsey

    Dear Allison,

    My mom and I were just having a conversation about my dreams and goals for my future when this very subject came up. I want to start my own business in a few years, and I was just thinking about how devistated I would be if I were to fail. My mom told me that sometimes you identify yourself by what you do, instead of who you are. Where as if I identify myself by who I am and the value of those that I care about have placed on me, then all won’t be lost if I fail. I will have something to look at when I’m back at square one; the woman that I have been raised to become, all of my other areas of interest, and the people that I care about most. And that’s the wonderful thing about friends and family – they help you get back on track when you need them most. I know that you will soon have picked up all the pieces from your temporary season of confusion in life. Another thing; Everything has its season. Bad times will pass and good times will get better in our stretch of life.
    Sincerely, Lindsey

  • http://www.myspace.com/dollwithglasses Elena

    Hi Allison,

    I know EXACTLY what you mean because I, too, have just found my way to finding out what I want, who I am, and loving and respecting myself. I’m friends with Misty Lee, Paul Dini’s wife (Paul Dini was the writing for Warner Bros: He was the main writing on Batman: The Animated Series). She said this to me:

    When you look for a role model, all you have to do is look in the mirror. Hone and refine THAT girl until SHE is someone you respect and admire. I respect and admire you already. Just keep working every day until YOU are satisfied. Because the bottom line is, when you choose a hero, they’re bound to fail you. Because nobody’s perfect. So figure out what you love about you, and keep living every day as though you are your own superhero, and someday you’ll go, “Holy crap – I really AM pretty awesome.” <– says that bout you already.”

  • me Rachel

    You wouldn’t belive how much each and every person in your life affects you and viseversa. It’s quite amazing. A please or a thank you, a quick smile. Why just today I was walking to the car with my mom and this guy sitting in his truck next to us sweetly informed us about how he had been sitting there for 15 minuets to tell us about the nail in our tire. He recomended a good repair shop. I just wanted to share that cause I though it was worth sharing :) .

  • http://www.rasellaguido.com Rasella Guido

    I’ve read also other type of idiocy in many others blogs,but … of course do you are the final result of all the humans influences do you have received or in who do you had belived,but … have a difference between to be and to belive,and if do you believe … can also possible to desapear,but … where do you go if you don’t have … A day do you become of age,don’t worry !!!

  • http://nathiest.deviantart.com/gallery/ Nathiest

    I’ve like all of you postings thus far. I do miss you cursing tho. ;) Still your website is great! Please keep the blogs coming.

  • rhona6

    Hey i really liked this post, i dont know if you read the comments or anything but how to did you manage to find your way exactly? im just a bit lost, have been for a couple of years. Im in 6th year at school, i dont know what that is in America! but im 17 and i live in rainy scotland and i just envy other peoples lives because they all seem so much more interesting than my own! I dont mean to be nasty…but i find this blog really comforting because even people like yourself sometimes feels distanced from the world and i really look up to you so its kinda like a bit of hope! Thank you for keeping a blog, love rhona x

  • Maria

    Allison Ive felt that way so many times! Most recently it happened to me in the beginning of this year. It’s the worst feeling in the world feeling like that. I always think if that is something that just happens to us or if we make it happen? If its something that just comes to us or if its something we create?

    Personally, two things get me out of my funk. I think of the two F’s.
    Friends and family. They are always the one to kind of pull me out. When I’m with my friends or family I just can’t stay sad for long. Another thing that helps me is Music or books. I love getting my head in to a good book and kind of escape for a little while and then i get so caught up in it that that feeling of “disconnection”kind of goes away. It’s like I’m recharged again. But that’s me.

    Hope you get back on track soon Allison. :)

    XoXo

    Maria

  • Kris

    A confession about what gets me out of a “funk”…

    Anything Superman…sounds goofy, but we’re all Smallville fans and can relate a bit. For many years now, no matter what kind of poopey mood I may be in, I can always find a relevant lesson or nugget of wisdom in the Superman media that really gives me a boost.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    Now I’m at the other end of the day and beat, so let’s see what I conjure up this time.

    A person in a job that the person does extremely well finds out that big changes are coming – layoffs of some workers and new staff being brought in. There’s the anxiety and the insecurity – “What will I do?!” The person looks around and finally comes to accept that the job had to end sometime and starts exploring the possibilities. Soon the person is feeling okay that the inevitable is about to happen and is prepared to move on to new challenges. Then the word comes down. The person isn’t getting laid off! “YES!!!” Then there’s the feeling, “Hey, they put me through this stress … and some of close associates were let go. I’m still not happy about this. AND they chose to keep me? Why? My talent? Or am I just not as demanding or as expensive to keep as the ones that are gone? Well, I was READY to leave. Let them pay me what I’m really worth if they really do want to keep me. Let’s see how much they really want me.” Negotiations begin. There is a pay adjustment. “COOL! Here I am where I am comfortable, doing what I do best, getting paid more to do it, surrounded by great new people that really look up to me!” So work resumes. Something’s missing. What could possibly be missing? Then it hits the person. The person had accepted the change and made peace with it and, despite the fear of new things, was prepared to take experience what was next … only there is no ‘next’ … at least not yet. Now the person is disoriented. The job becomes getting back in the present and accepting it and making it the most pleasant or productive or whatever you want it to be present that it can be.

    This is all purely fiction of course.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    A Song for Kris … for when she’s in a funk:

    Teardrops on Lana and whiskers on Kal-El.
    A bright crystal fortress up at the North Po-El.
    Chloe’s love everlasting without any strings.
    These are a few of my favorite things.

    Mutated cronies with muscles like Kal-El’s
    Zor-El and Kara and A.C. in pools.
    Clark Kent in flight in his blue and red tights
    (With Al and Miles gone, who knows? He just might!)

    Girls in witch dresses without any broomsticks.
    Lex with no hair except eye brows and lashes.
    Silver White metal that becomes Milton Fine.
    I love watching Smallville all of the time!

    When the dog bites.
    When the bee stings.
    When I’m feeling sad.
    I simply remember these Superman things
    And then I don’t feel so bad.

  • Keri

    I know how you feel. Lately, I’ve felt so lost and disconnected. It’s like I’ve just been floating through existance and it’s horrible. Recently, my grandmother died and ever since she got sick I’ve been in a weird state of mind. I guess it’s part of this weird world we live in.

    ~Keri

  • arash

    Gosh everybody here is so tallented.
    I know allison everybody is trying to cheer you up, I remember a story I read when I was a kid I think it was in a book with short stories from aziz nasin a turkish writer;
    So this guy goes to a therapist, saying that he can’t sleep and he is the saddest person on the earth, the therapist tries all his tricks to make him smile, but no luck. He says well I know this clown who has a show in town, if you go for the show,I bet you will be laughing for days.
    The guy looks up and says;
    I am that clown.
    ——
    It is not an easy job for an artist, sometimes you have to take people’s pain and give them your ease and comfort. It is a heavy load not every one can take.
    Not every one understands the dirty hands of a farmer.
    Purification can be a painful process but this story has a good ending read on to the next chapter.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    It’s hard to fill a clown’s shoes!

  • http://www.chloesullivansite.com/ Bouroux

    Hi Allison.
    You want to do too many things at the same time.
    in your blog “success”, you said “I need something to happen other than what is currently happening to be ok” . It would say that you want change all in your life to be happy. Our adaptation to change has limits.
    Be an amazing actress loved by all is no longer enough, you want to build a community, fabulous websites, produce festivals of music, arts , films and theatre. You want to become a great business woman , a new mother Theresa.
    It is dizzying.
    You will need you concentrate on what you do the best , be an actress. You can not ever be good at all. It is impossible to do everything. Try to make all is a great source of anxiety.
    If you have a great career of actress as Meryl Streep, you can achieve in the future full of projects. But we must not skip steps. Devotes all your time and your energy to your career, your family, your friends and especially to you. You’re not yet ready to save the world. Try to return to the reality that is yours. Do not become someone else.
    You have the chance to become a great actress in the future and your great concern seems to create communities and websites. Where is the Allison from 2001 to 2006?
    Allison take care of you and consult your real freinds and your family.

    Bye

    Claude.

  • christa link

    hi allison. i always thought that famous people were always happy. its nice to know that isnt the case. i used to be the same way until i got married when i was in my 30′s. you dont have to post everyday, but if it helps when i do. i really like your site its really cool. i am looking forward to seeing you on smallville this next season.

  • christa link

    hi allison. i also wanted to say having a child really made me very happy. it makes me forget how miserable my life was when i was younger. i am truly looking forward to seeing you on smallville because i think you are really hot!!! i remember a post you had awhile ago that you said you didnt like your arms you thought they werent toned enough. well i like your arms the way they are. i also like the way you look overall. i watch smallville mostly to see you. i am also looking forward to seeing you in your new movie. please let everyone know when it will be coming out!

  • viviane

    Allison Hi!
    I know what this means feeling!
    the times I feel well … these hours is that we need friends to make us feel better! :)

    I can not see the time to see you in smallville!
    I know that you already mentioned that, but his character is my favorite! ;)

    good night! kisses!

  • Brittany

    Hey Allison! I feel disconnected too sometimes. You’re not alone!! I guess you just need to be surrounded by people who love you and just believe in yourself and love who you are! Do not feel pressured to write to us everyday, just hearing from you at all is a HUGE treat and an amazing feeling to connect with a gorgeous and amazing actress like you! Thank you for this wonderful community of loving fans. I love this site! It feels like home! Take care, relax, have fun, and most of all BE YOU! Because you are a wonderful person! Much love, support and encouragement, Brittany

  • http://www.myspace.com/supanovaz Oddish08

    Encounter God.

  • C.J

    I definitely know what it is to disconnect from what you feel you know, and what you feel is right. For the past two years it feels as if I’ve been living in a dream world after loosing more family members to old age or sickness, than I can even imagine. And it seems as though the world I’m living in at home has completely changed, even bringing me to a point of stopping it all. But something made me stop and realize, that even though my life had been full of misguided turns and heartache, that when the day is done, I’m still alive, and I’ve still got family to guide me; A family that needs me and loves me. And a great grandmother that by one simple phone call, stopped me from making the biggest mistake of my life. And for that, I am grateful.

    I’m grateful that I can now wake up every morning and thank God for letting me see another day. I’m grateful that I can look at each tiny thing in my life and find the good in it, instead of the bad. I’m grateful that my dreams and who I want to be have graced my soul again. I’m grateful that I can tell the ones in my life that I love them very much, and that they, too, should be thankful of what they have, even if times are tough. And I’m grateful to find inspiration from the words of a woman who I truly admire and respect…that person being you.

    This leads me to agreeing with you that it is amazing how the little things in one’s life can guide you back to what you know and love. Just know, that even though you feel lost, you’ve got, like you said family and friends to guide you back to who you are. And you’ve got a boat load of fans that admire and enjoy the words you share everyday. You’re a strong woman, a brave woman, and reading what you write is one of the things that have inspired me to keep going and to be a better person.

  • Vegas911

    Whenever you are feeling this way do what I do…..Eat…oh crap maybe thats why I’m fat!!! LOL

  • http://rjchasez.livejournal.com RJChasez

    I understand your feeling behind this post. I’ve been feeling monumentally disconnected myself for a few weeks now. Happens to me, often, though, and it’s not really that surprising for me. When I get in a funk, it’s sometimes very hard to get out but being surprised with some nice or sweet usually gets me out of it.

    Glad to see you’re out of your funk. I’m still working on mine.

  • Eldave

    hi Allison:Im David and to be honest Iam not one of yours admirers,Iam from Argentina and I saw you for first time a long time ago, I suppose it goes without saying that series.at end,have a very peculiar face,and one of the things to I love to do is paint,I have say,what your face it’s really funny to paint,I have more than 12 videos drawing you.I hope you will be so funny like you look in the pictures.
    PD:sorry for my English.good luck to everyone.