Unquestioned Beliefs

http://www.myspace.com/malleable_me Krystal

The biggest “Modern Jackass” moment that I remember of my life was in middle school. It is a bit graphic, but it was pretty hilarious. I was having a conversation with my grandmother and best friend of the time. I think I was in 8th grade so I would have been about 13. We somehow got on the topic of women having babies. The conversation strayed into graphic territory and I somehow form a question like “How do they keep the baby from being covered in poop?” Implying that I was a little confused about the anatomical position of child delivery from a female. I knew that I had misspoken when there was a moment of silence and awkward stares between my grandmother and friend. Then they cracked up laughing at the disbelief that I had made it though all the sex ed classes of middle school and managed to miss the memo on where babies come from.

Melissa

Hi Allison,well I don’t know what does jack ass mean,I mean I hear it all the time in movies,tv shows,etc,etc but you know some time I watch them with subtitules because I can’t understand that well English,I speak Spanish but I learnt English a few months ago.So,this is what I THINK my “jack ass” moment was…..I was at my new school on Spanish,I was new there so my mind got concentrate on make friends quickly and I got those friends,a girl and a “boy”.Well not so bad part was when my teacher call the “boy” a his name,but the teacher called him “Miss …….” and i was like WHAT?!!! At first I thought the teacher was wrong about calling him “miss” because he was a boy,he LOOKS just like a boy I can tell,but then the next day not only that teacher call him “Miss …..” all the teacher did it too,and that “boy” always was in the lady’s bathroom,and I was like “Oh maybe he doesn’t like to be a boy or…..” Well I got into a big curiosity if he was really “HE” or he was atually a “SHE” so I ask in middle of my math class to my other friend if what was “he”,but I said:Why do they call “him” SHE? Are they blind to notice that he’s a boy?….She(my new friend) started to laugh so loud that the rest of the class turn around to see what was she laughing about,and and they started to ask what was the so funny….and CRAP! she told them that I tought that the girl I thought was a boy(because she looks really really like a boy) was a boy,of course they laughed about it too….how horrible I felt for the rest of the day,and the week just knowing that the girl I thought was a boy already new about my “confusion”….That was totally embarrasing and I believe that was my jack ass moment…..I hope you get to understand my writting,I still working on it!!! Have a freaky awesome day Allison and all of you.
Bye,Melissa.

http://www.myspace.com/matttucker Tucker

The early ’90s, my brother and I are marooned in the desolate nowhere’sville of Wenatchee, Washington. And not Wenatchee proper, but East Wenatchee. It’s a nice enough area but it’s pinned in by mountains and, despite access to the outside, trapped in its own reality. At the time, where the center of pop culture is Seattle – a mere couple of hours away – Wenatchee felt very much like a western frontier outpost of mid-to-late ’80s New Jersey. The point being there wasn’t much to do and even less to really discuss.

My brother and I would frequent the mall – truly about the only thing to do in town other than hang out at the Dairy Queen – and we were walking back home when we got into this garrulous and emphatic conversation about the local area and the surrounding areas of central Washington state. We got to talking about Yakima and how much we were so appreciative that we weren’t living there. (Ironically, my brother would live there for a little while not too long after he got married a few years back.) I was in rare form, creating a symphonic masterwork – a true magnum opus – of chide and dripping sarcasm informed by this great honest fire of conviction.

“Imagine if we were living in Yakima. We’d go to Yakima High School. Our mascot would be the, what, the Yaks? Who would want to cheer for a POTATO?!”

Utter silence.

Still can’t live that one down. I’ve had a number of jackass moments. For some reason, that one always crawls to mind first.

BaronMango

My friend and his family went to France. And when they arrived, my friend’s father remarked, “Wow. There sure a lot of African-Americans here.”

Also, for a really long list of jackass moments, look up “not always right”

BaronMango

Another favorite:

Overheard in San Francisco: “I’d vote for a black president, even if they were a republican.”

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

One moment finally hit me like a brick … but I don’t think I’ll put that one out here. I’d need some feedback on a more private level before I post it here.

I will share one that my Dad shared with me. A young woman who had gone to Sunday School for years and had a Christian education went off to college. She started getting serious about another student she was dating. She invited him to go to church with her. He said, “You do realize … I’ve told you … I’m Jewish.” She responded, “Jewish … Catholic … Methodist … what does it matter? After all, we’re all Christians!”

One thing that I am becoming very aware of is that I learned word meanings in the context of conversations I heard growing up. Only a very small percentage of the words I used regularly were ever looked up in a dictionary. As I’m getting older, I start thinking more and more about words and ask myself “Do I really understand what that particular word means?” The more I question myself, the more I restrict my word choice. Maybe soon, I’ll be like my Grandfather who could sit all day in a room with you and communicate with only nods and smiles. I’m sure the people I live and work for don’t think that day can come soon enough.

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

Hmmm. This leads me to wonder … since we were expecting the justice topic and got the jackass topic, do more people have “modern jackass” moments than justice moments?

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

Oh, and Krystal, I understand the confusion … because that’s how chickens lay their eggs … and how, I’ve heard, lawyers are born as well. That is right … isn’t it?

arash

I think I was about 16, when I joined the youth committee of our religious sector. I was a very shy kid, and had a hard time speaking in public. In a special occation they organized celebrations for junior youth in several locations and a very colorful program a part of which was a slide show. I was assigned to do the show. The slide show was about some beautiful, historical or holy places in the world. I was only provided with the name of places and I thought that would be enough. (I didn’t have any personal knowledge to add).
I started my first presentation with shaky voice, showing pictures and telling people where it was, by the end of it I noticed I earned some respect and admiration since every body thought I really knew those places. I arrived at the second location much more confident. This time not only I presented the pictures with clear voice but I started occationally answering questions about the historical importance of that place. As my journey continued from location to location I would add more stories, sometimes mentioning certain dates, and certain names, what the hell did they know, they were just bunch of kids.

I completed the last show but when they turned the lights on I saw all head members of our religious sector standing at the back staring at me like if they wish they had a shot gun.

An emergency immidiet meeting was held after, to make sure in the future everybody presenting is well qualified.

Kirk D. aka “SPARTACUS”

I hope this story is ok with everyone…
Ok, so I’m at a leadership meeting and we all just finished eating lunch. Someone mentioned getting dessert or having dessert would be great before the meeting starts. So I remember this joke I came up with about pie, and figure I’d spring it on everyone. I said, “What is Michael Jackson’s favorite pie?” There was dead silence. No one could figure out what I was getting at, so I told them the answer. “Boys-enberry”. Not no person laughed. They all looked offended and I felt like a jerk. But I still thought it was funny.;p
Fastfward 1 month later to a table filled with people having dessert. I tell the same joke with some of the same people there. There is a long pause and I’m thinking Kirk the Jerk strikes again and then all of a sudden everyone starts busting up.

I was at a loss for words until a blonde female replied, “I don’t get it. How do you know if that is his favorite pie?” I couldn’t stop laughing after that. 2 minutes later she got the joke.

alphakitty

i’ve lived my life in utter fear of having a jackass moment. i think i was pretty much a mute for my first 20 years.

but i’m pretty sure i had quite the jackass coming out party, right here, a few weeks ago.

maybe i should stick to my original plan

alphakitty

p.s.
“this american life” is truly one of america’s treasures. i urge all of you to check it out. their weekly podcast is free. you can get it on itunes and there is a tv show on hbo.

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

The story about the tissue box hand-painted by monkeys is wonderful on so many levels. (Although now that we now know through YouTube that elephants can paint self-portraits.) The story is about how devastating saddness can be changed to joy by a moment of inspiration. It is also about empathy, responsibility, growing up, mourning the loss of youth and having the veil removed from your eyes.

It reminds me of the days when I devoured several “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books. I loved them, but they published more and more of them and they became a terrible strain on my eyes and my time. I need to be listning to more audio books or tune to NPR at work rather than music.

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

I’ll share a chicken soup story that a person that is surprised to learn a truth that everyone else in her family knew and thought she knew too. I’m doing this from memory so I hope I get it right. A woman got married and her Grandmother came and gave her the same gift that she had given her sisters when they married. Her Grandmother grew up in the depression so she lived frugally and still grew a large portion of her food in the garden that she tended daily. Her Grandmother gave her a rather large glass jar of seeds with a big bow on it and a card attached. The seeds were colorful and put in the jar in a way that made a beautiful pattern that could be seen through the glass. The card said that she hoped that her Grand Daughter would tend her garden well and have it bloom as gloriously as hers had. The woman started out her married life in a small apartment. She put the jar on the top of her refrigerator where she could see it every day. She moved a few times over the years as her family grew but she never had the space for the garden or the time to plant one … but she always planned to have a garden like her Grandmother’s someday. Despite lots of hard work and planning over the next 25 years, things happened. Medical expenses and other things that hit all at once brought her family to a financial crisis. It looked like she would have to declare bankruptcy. One day, one of her sisters came over and she broke down in tears. When she told her sister that she was broke, her sister launched into a speech about how she couldn’t believe her baby sister could be so financially irresponsible to blow through all her money. Angry at the lack of support, the woman fired back that she never had any money to blow through. The sister stared at her sister in disbelief and said, “What about Grandma’s gift?” The woman pointed at the jar on her refrigerator and asked, “What about it?” The sister’s jaw dropped open. She grabbed the jar, opened it up and spilled it out on the kitchen table. Inside a wall of seeds was a roll of stock certificates for companies like AT&T and IBM.

The Friday Philosopher

I’ve been kind of lucky, or “jackass” free, through most of my life, there is only one real moment I can think of that might stand out.

My best friend and I went on holiday with his parents; we must have been 7 or 8 years old; whilst building elaborate sand castles on the beach, his father walked over to check on us, and I noticed that he had a nasty scar on his chest and a similar mark on his back. My parents have always encouraged me to ask questions if I didn’t already know the answer, so I interrupted him to ask where this strange scar had come from.

He seemed shocked at first, but never the less, he agreed to the chance of subject and began to tell me where the scar had come from. He explained that during the early 70’s whilst he was fighting in Vietnam his unit was ambushed, and he was bayoneted by an enemy soldier. To an 8 year old, who doesn’t understand the horrific side to war, the scar suddenly became fascinating to my friend and I. My friend told me later that, he had known of the scar for years but had never thought to ask how his father had got it. The two of us were so impressed that his father was a war hero, so we made it our mission to let everybody we could think of know about it.

Fast forward a few years, we’re in high school; I’m in a history lesson, the subject of which is The Vietnam War. The teacher is explaining the history of the War and then something catches my attention. As I said earlier, I have always been encouraged to ask questions when I encounter something I don’t understand. The teacher, obviously didn’t like this, so he sent me to the principle, which I was not very impressed with! When I told the principle what had happened, she was quiet for a little while but I could see that the left side of her mouth had begun to twitch; I had no clue as to what was happening until she couldn’t contain it any longer and began to laugh uncontrollably.

It took me a while to get to the bottom of this, and the principle even had to bring in my History teacher to back her up. They told me, that our country was not even involved with the Vietnam War, that unless my friend’s father was American or a national from one of their allied countries involved, then he couldn’t have fought in the War. I told my friend the story at the end of the day and together we decided to confront his father. He couldn’t recall the exact conversation we had on that beach but he remembered enough to burst out laughing.

When we finally managed to get him to stop laughing, he explained that he had an accident whilst riding his Vesper to work in 1972. He came off whilst trying to race another more powerful bike and was impaled on a fence post. Now, I can see that even though somewhat less heroic, the accident was still serious; at the time, all I could think about was the stick my friend and I would get from the countless schoolmates we told the story to!

Friday

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

When I was young, facial hair used to be considered a radical statement (for men anyway). My Father always liked wearing a beard and it put a lot of people off. A friend of his with a beard was always confronted about whether or not it was a symbol that he hated America and what it stood for. Finally the man started replying to anyone who asked him that his chin had been shot of in Vietnam so he wore a beard to cover the injury. Had his chin been shot off, he wouldn’t have been able to grow a beard, but people never questioned what he said. I can only wonder how many jackass moments that led to.

StephenK

My parents thought it was cute when I mispronounced words. (had me perform for friends etc) A friend corrected me on one when I was 25. I would say din’t, dropping the d in didn’t. She had great facial expressions and I was treated to the ‘you’re an idiot’ look. Made more embarrassing because I had asked her out the month before.

My sister was at the lunch table with all her coworkers and asked what time the up’s guy came around. (not U. P. S.) The traditional moment of silence was followed by peals of laughter. That one was passed down by our mom.
I lucked out and always said U. P. S. in public, but until my sister told the story I never questioned the up’s pronunciation.

How about the kid on the bus. Insisted that playmate centerfolds had little support rods hidden under their breasts to keep them from sagging. There was no other possible explanation. Miss March was his evidence. You can’t deny the laws of physics! I suspect his older brother told him that one to make him eligible for Modern Jackass.
Steve

Amanda

I can’t hear the program at work but from what everyone has posted I think I get the general idea.

One of my very good friends from high school is now in a metal cover band that plays all over the southeast. Every time I saw him, he would ask why I haven’t been to hear them play. Keep in mind–I don’t drink and I don’t go to bars. It’s just not my scene. But, he kept asking and a few years ago we finally agreed to go. We got there early and it seemed like half of my home town was there. I was talking to a friend of mine when all of a sudden his (the guy in the band) mother grabbed my arm and said guess who wants to see you? Well I turned around, I could not help it, I burst out laughing. I was so not prepared for his “look”. We’re talking big hair metal and glam rock–he looked like a cross between Motley Crue and Poison. Skin tight pants, no shirt, chains, a bandanna around his head a la Bret Michaels. I laughed in his face. I was just so thrown that my friend (a band geek in high school!) was wearing eye liner! But what killed me was the look on his face when I laughed. I have never felt like such a jerk in all my life.

Jackie

There’s one i remember very clearly.
When i was young i was in Girl Scouts and we went to a Horse Ranch somewhere (i dont remember). Anyway, we shared a “bunk house” with this one other troop. I remember it was night out and the other troop was sitting in a circle on the floor and their leader was reading a passage from the bible, i, not thinking, ran up to them and said really loudly, “SO WHAT ARE WE ALL DOIN HERE?!?!? READING A BEDTIME STORY OR SOMETHIN?!?!”
and they all just stared at me like i was some sort of rude, weird, insulting kid.
i have no idea what i was thinking at that time!!! i think back and think to myself “why the hell would i do something like that?” lol
Maybe thats more of an embarressing moment than a jackass moment. But i have to admit, it was really rude!

Jennifer

I’ve had several jackass moments but here’s one that happened not too long ago. My friend set me up on a double date and after I met the guy I pulled her aside and asked her if he was gay, next I heard his voice saying I’m pretty sure I’m not gay and statred laughing. I felt so like such a jackass. I guess by the way he was dressed,his hair and by the tone of his voice I thought he was gay.

Jennifer

Sorry about the typing error I ment such not so. There really needs to be an edit button on comments for people like me. lol

Amanda

Jennifer–I know what you mean. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished for spell check =)

arash

Jennifer,
Your gay date reminds me of my ex-landlord. She was an older lady with a low pitch voice, Once I heard her banging the phone hand set and swearing at the telemarketer; “The stupid guy says excuse me sir can I speak to your wife”.

Robin Hebert

I’ve had quite a few but one recently was taking people on a wild goose chase trying to find a park that didnt exist. I thought I had the right name but I had it all messed up.

http://www.pandinurdiansyah.com pandi merdeka

jack ass uhmm… yeah I think I had them but .. the problem is I can remember it. ..

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

[Many times I type in Word then paste it here. It helps but it's not a cure all.]

I was single and had just moved into my first home and I got a telemarketing call. The woman said she was selling a fabulous line of home cleaning products … could she speak to the lady of the house. I answered, “I’m not married.” There was a click and then the dial tone. The next day, I met one of my neighbors on the street who lived about 4 doors up from me. We were talking and I told her about the telemarketing call and that I really could have used some cleaning supplies and why would someone assume that a single man wouldn’t need to keep his home clean? The woman laughed and laughed about how stupid that was then she suddenly stopped laughing, gulped hard and said, “My God … that was me!” She was the telemarketer I had spoken to. Even stranger, she didn’t use this new opportunity to make a sale.

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

My wife and I went looking for an artist that lived in Pennsylvannia because we had admired his work for years and thought he might sell his scuplture/paintings out of his home. We got directions from a local man. He said, “His house is on this road about two miles up. You can’t miss it. There is a twelve foot tall hand carved wooden sculpture of a horse rearing up on each side of his driveway and the horses are paited white. We drove and drove and then turned back and drove back the way we had come and met someone else who told us the same thing. Then we cricled again a few more times and couldn’t believe that we could miss something so obvious. We asked a third person who again confirmed the story about the horses and marvelled at how we could possibly miss something so dramatic and obvious. Not trusting that we had looked closely enough we drove dangerously slow down the road and back again. We finally stopped and met a man who was friends with the artist. He said that the artist had moved into a retirement home two years before and all his possessions including the twin horses had been auctioned off at the time. I guess the locals were so used to seeing the horses that they no longer paid any attention to them and never noticed that they were gone.

James

Hi, Allison. I’m a long time blog reader, first time commenter. I read your previous entry about belief and I have a question. Do your ideas on limitation of belief mean that in your opinion, right and wrong are relative? Do things like the validity of human rights, have boundaries that can be pushed in such a way as to invalidate one way of thinking in the way that you hypothesize other beliefs can? Something to think about.

Audra

Oh I have a perfect one.. I couldn’t of been more than 5 or 6 at the time. I remember hearing somewhere about “safe sex” and people had to it somewhere special to have “safe sex”.. So one day I go up to my mother and ask, “Why do people have to have sex in a condominium to be safe?” My mother looked at me crazy and nicely told me, “Not a condominium sweetie, they need to use a condom,” She then quickly walked away before I could pick her brain any further on the embarrassing topic.

I just think it is funny I thought people had to have sex in a condominium to be safe!! I guess the words are alike enough for a 5 year old to confuse them! I am not 28 and still am embarrassed by this! Silly me!

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

I remember when a woman wrote to Dear Abby to ask if it was possible to get pregnant while under water saying that it was vital that Abby answered her soon. Abby answered that she couldn’t get pregnant under water unless someone else was with her.

I remember another letter in which someone asked that, if they happened to be alone when giving birth, what was the best postion to be in during delivery. Abby wrote back that most women deliver babies in the same position in which the baby is conceived. The woman wrote back “You mean I have to get in a row boat?”

http://none Lauren

Here comes the truth!
Well i would probably have to say when I went on holiday i was adjusting my crop top(pulling it down a tad) I pulled a tiny bit to hard and pulled it down completely, I screamed which ,unfortunately , drew everyone’s attention, I shouted at my friend Chris to look away, I turned away and put it right(i was at a little table near the bar when it happened,so quite a lot of people saw)!
I kinda lost all my pride that holiday!

The Friday Philosopher

My boss caught me posting my last comment, but it’s ok, I’m not in trouble because he has asked me to tell an anecdote of his!

About ten years ago, he was setup on a blind date with the woman he has since married. She is a very lovely woman, but by her own admission, she tends to suffer with the “Jackass” from time to time. He took her to the movies first of all, and then they ended the night at a bar that wasn’t far from where she lived. They were talking about anything and everything until she finally asked what he did for a living.

He replied; I’m a Quantum Mechanic.

Her reply consisted of; Great! Maybe you could have a look at my car sometime; it hasn’t been working properly for weeks!

My boss is sending me home now; I haven’t been able to stop laughing since he told me this story.

Friday

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

Too bad he’s not into Field Theory. The crops where I live are a little lean this year and the farmers could use some good advice!

taylor nikole

ahh I can’t see it….
okay fr any of you who responded to my little math chat….
I guess I have to take geomtry again and im feeling so horrible about myself I don’t understand..
wishing I had a time machine so I could attept to do better…
hmm which brings me to my random question.

what would you do with a time machine…. if anything?

http://www.orkut.com.br/Main#Profile.aspx?uid=10172528553527689925 Gnome

There it goes an quick one ………….
When I was studying Architecture, I had to go until the City Hall to obtain some plants of a land. It was my first time there and I did not know the place very well.
So I entered in the building and I went to the elevator and asked for 11 floor.
An confused youngster looked at me and said that the building only had 4 floors…
Lamentable ………..

http://www.orkut.com.br/Main#Profile.aspx?uid=10172528553527689925 Gnome

Did I have to mention that I was in the wrong building?

Gail

When we were in my mother-in-law’s car. I forgot the sunroof was open and decided to wash the windshield. So as the fluid sprayed up and into my hair and and all over the seats I realized it then! (Believe me I’ve done it with the windows open too!)

Amanda

Taylor Nikole–Geometry was my worst subject ever. And I have an undergratuate degree in accounting. It was worse than calculus, trig and any accounting class I ever took! I just could not see it. So, don’t feel bad! I’m living proof you can make it! And hey, you never know, there may be some math geniuses on here that can help.

Maria

ummmm My jack ass moment, if I had any I don’t remember right now! lol

Gail

Hey, Taylor Nikole – My father was a mathematician and tried to explain Geometry to me so I would pass the class (I got a “D”). But I gave up. As Amanda says, you may find someone to help. So ‘hang in there’.

arash

I don’t want to sound sexist but I have heard stats show girls are better in verbal skills and guys in math, I guess taylor nikole is a living proff of both jus kiddin okay.
In fact once when I was in school they told us to encourage girls to do more of Engineering and Computer Science majors, still we have a lot more guys in the field, so chop chop taylor, you can do it. I just have a feeling you are not interested for some reason, is that your teacher you don’t like ?

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

I have a request. You can get my e-mail address by clicking on my name above the post. Anyone willing to do an appropriateness test on my jackass moment can e-mail me and I’ll send them the story for review. If someone else thinks I should badly publicly embarrass myself after reading it, I will trust their judgment and post it here.

http://www.orkut.com.br/Main#Profile.aspx?uid=10172528553527689925 Gnome

Hey taylor nikole…
Don´t feel this way about Geometry. Its not a dead end… Everyone has a moment.
I, myself, have several of them.
I was always struggling with math since we were introduced.
I managed to fail in any way as possible (grades, forgetting the date of my exam, quiting).
I also have a funny moment with Cauculus. I was in 2 colleges at the same time and I had an Cauculus 1 exam. I took the Calculus 2 by mistake
since I went on the wrong classroom. I had a good score but had to fail since I wasnt applyied for the matter. Sad, isn’t it?………
But anyway, I haven’t quit. I just found another way to be pleased with the subject (if that’s possible…) and here I am…….. an Financial Manager. Unbelievable, huh?
Have you tried an study group?

arash

David Hayes, as a good friend I would do any thing so you publicly embarrass yourself. Just want to give you my support and say I am there for you.

http://psouth.blogspot.com Philip

This just happend to me today – I was meeting some new clients and I went to introduce myself to one and he pulled the “I’d shake your hand, but I have a cold and don’t want you to catch it…”

I appreciate the consideration, but now I look like a jack-ass. It’s the professional version of getting left hanging on a high-five!

The Friday Philosopher

Taylor, Geometry really is the worst form of math to study. It’s also the oldest! The only part of it I managed to grasp completely was Pythagorean Theorem.

A squared plus B squared equals C squared. That bit was easy, the rest I couldn’t quite grasp.

However, I’m not going to leave you totally empty handed! I managed to pass the course by memorizing the formulae for each individual section. I was lucky enough to have a great math’s teacher; he always told me that as long as I knew the relevant formula and was able to count, I would be extremely unlucky if I got any of the answers wrong.

I would love to write them all down for you but there are too many variations as most of the formulae give at least three different answers depending on the equation. I also don’t think I would have enough space to explain the workings of each one. (Most of them would need diagrams!)

I would suggest that you make a note of all of the areas of Geometry that you are studying and search the net for the relevant formulae. I guarantee that once you manage to understand the formula the rest is nothing more than simple adding, subtracting, dividing and multiplying.

I hope this is of some use to you! If not let me know and I’ll do as much as I can.

Friday

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

… no appropriateness ratings yet. Contrary to normal operatingprocedure for me, when in doubt, I’d better leave it out. And for those of you who know some of my stories, this isn’t the one about me getting suction cupped to my bathtub. I don’t consider that a jaskass moment but a slice of life moment for me.

The Friday Philosopher

I apologise if I ahve posted more than once, I think my computer is about to strike!

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

Read a story above that reminded me of one of my wife’s moments. She loves animals so she was curious and went into a shop and asked to see their puppies. The clerk asked what she was talking about. She said that there was a sign in the window about a type of dog she had never heard about and she would like to see the puppies. The woman was mystified. Kim took her outside and showed her the sign and said, “See here, it says “Weshi Pups.” The woman said, “No, that says “We ship UPS.”

http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

Okay, someone (who shall remain nameless) proofread the story and gave me the go ahead. Skip over this if you are overly sensitive.

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“Beany and Cecil” was a cartoon I watched when I was very young. Beany was a boy that wore a cap with a propeller mounted on it. Cecil was a sea serpent (like the lock Ness Monster) and he was Beany’s best friend. Beany would always get in some kind of trouble and start yelling “Help Cecil Help! Help Cecil Help!”

Years past and my sister came hope one day with her boyfriend Mickey and a doll that looked like the “My Buddy” series of dolls … only it had the beany cap on it with the remnant of a busted off propeller. The doll had a pull string but the recording inside no longer functioned. The doll had been Mickey’s companion when he was a child and had a lot of frustrations taken out on it when times at home got tough. I saw the doll and said, “Help Cecil Help! Help Cecil Help!” Mickey was amazed. He asked how I knew what the doll used to say before the recording was broken. Mickey had never seen the cartoon. I told him that I was very familiar with Beany from watching his adventures on TV. My sister informed me that Beany Boy was there for a repair job, but there was no way to fix the propeller. I said that they could paint the beanie black and make it a yarmulke out of it so that Beany could be a little Jewish boy … then I added that the doll would need a little work done down below as well to do a proper conversion. My sister countered with “Like you had done?” I told her that she didn’t understand what I had meant … that I was referring to a circumcision. She told me that she knew exactly what I was talking about. I countered by saying that I hadn’t been circumcised but I had read up on it and had considered having it done. She told me that I was circumcised shortly after birth. I was in total shock. She burst out laughing “You didn’t know?” When I was able to speak again, I told her that I wasn’t into doing comparisons in bath rooms and shower rooms. I didn’t have a clue. I’m just glad I didn’t schedule an appointment to have the procedure! Somewhere I have a calendar with a date marked and labeled “the day I was mentally circumcised.”

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