Blog 40

Holy crap I’ve made it to 40!!!!! Wow! Minus that one drunken night of forgetfulness I have done something that I committed to for 40 days in a row! That is huge! So cool!

Ok… enough of that celebration! I have been spending the last 2 days on a meditation workshop… Yep, that’s right, I am going through that quintessential “what does it all mean thing.” That bump in life when we start to search for something deeper!

And as cheesy as it sounds, it’s fuckin’ awesome! I had such an amazing time simply reconnecting with me.
It’s so funny, I find that in my attempt to be unselfish aka spend more time with others, put time with myself as a last priority, I end up behaving more selfishly? Maybe I have misunderstood the term? What is selfish?

Here is a quote from a speech given by Nelson Mandela written by a woman call Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Newer Comments →
  • arash

    I have nothing to say just wanted to shine and be number one for a change

  • N.

    “It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

    This is something quite big to think when we’re talking about selfishness. =)

    You realize that you’re big enough for some kind of things, and small for others. It is just the way you feel when facing experiences. And it is just the way you realize that everybody has to share the ‘shiny light’ or the space where to let that light shine.

    (I’m a huge fan)

  • http://bubbalou.deviantart.com Lou

    you know what you’re good at. something few people are able to say. Good for you. I know what it’s like to question myself. I’m kinda going through a similar situation. Why being so unselfish? I end up asking myself what can really be gained from selfishness except not being myself? and as annoying as life is and as irritating as it can be, being myself, I’m glad to be me. I know what I’m good at and I’m *still* taking classes to improve enough for later on.

    keep on rockin’ Allison! awesome blogs.

  • Aysha

    What a beautiful quote, Allison. Like the quote says so beautifully, I agree that we only can help others and let others shine once we allow ourselves to shine. You only can truly teach it if you can do it- the opposite of “Those who can’t do, teach.”

    I think you’re right on the money, Allison. It is only when we can allot time to ourselves that we can help others FULLY.

    But……

    I always teeter and totter on the edge of either feeling that I give myself too much “me time” or the contrary in which I give too much “others time.” I never find that balance, and I struggle with that.

    I still feel like I am selfish sometimes. I hate that feeling. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I feel if I treat myself too much, I am doing something wrong?

    Self-reflection is so challenging for me, but you inspire me to do it more often, so I thank you for that.

    Take Care,
    Aysha

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    I find that a lot of people want to shine … be the star, be the boss, call the shots. But somebody has to do the dishes.

  • taylor nikole

    hahah arash you are amazing:)

    that is beautiful :)

    “We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

    of course we are…
    we are what we are….
    we are only those things if we are?
    and we can only be those things if we have the courage to act upon them :)

    varun helped change my opinion :)
    what a butthead

    “That bump in life when we start to search for something deeper”

    yes yes, i get what you mean…
    im already there :)
    haha

    my uncle (who is 5 years older than i am) said something funny (or i thought because it made me think)
    to me…
    we went on vacation and I was a little out of it…

    we were walking and he said to me

    “you know.. you went from being a cool kid to this girl i don’t even understand anymore… you went from that cool kid to someone searching for what kind of woman she wants to become”

    Its all true, im searching for a better understanding of myself and trying to fit into my own skin. I’ve found myself trying to do the things I love and at the same time trying to fit my friends in without picking and choosing which ones suit me.

    I want to be a woman who is strong, independent, loving, comfortable. I want to write poetry and create art and capture moments with my camera.
    I want to be optimistic but still have a sense of my ‘groundation’ all at the same time. I want to travel and read interesting books and be with loved ones.

    I know what kind of woman I want to be, yet i find myself still searching for myself, withing the depths of my confused teenage self.

    I thought it was interesting…. that is, all the thinking he made me do…

    and after he said that to me….
    he said:

    “And I know you’ll become an amazing woman”

    sounds so unreal and perfect and fake… what he said, but it was an amazing moment :) that i wanted to share

  • Medina

    we are stars´s sand

  • taylor nikole

    “Let the world tremble as it senses all you are about to accomplish.”
    -Luis de Camoes

  • Robin Hebert

    That is truly beautiful. I love it. What is funny is my name means shining fame. Shining with the glory of God is the ultimate high! Think of it, we are breathing miracles….I always marvel at the fact that I can move my fingers and my brain just sent signals to them…, how does that happen? It’s the glory of God……just being alive! (I know this sounds cheese but its true aint it?)

  • http://www.myspace.com/shinefloyd_luigi shinefloyd / luigi

    amazing!!
    I just had 1 day on a meditation workshop…
    Kuji in meditation… with my ninjas friends… ( i am learning their breath techniques… like Chi Kung or Qi Gong) and basic ninjutsu techniques.
    Mudras and Mantras…

    wow!!! awesome and amazing… indescribable…

  • Dick B

    Selfishness is almost universaly condemned by all right thinking people. Why? Let me quote Robert Heinlein for a contrarian view. “The greatest productive force is human selfishness”. All I know is I got very tired of Doug Collins calling the U.S. basketball team unselfish. Who were they playing for?

  • http://allisonmack.com Lori Bennett

    l like that quote. it’s true that everyone has good in them (no matter how vile they live). the good is so small in them and buried no one thinks of putting the word ‘good’ in the same sentence as the person. the smallest gesture of hospitality may come as a huge blessing to the person u come across. u may think u aren’t doing anything, but u may have change that person’s whole outlook on something. a smile, a nod, a handshake, openning the door for someone, holding the elevator door, carrying something for someone, complementing words, pat on the back, picking something up for someone after they dropped it – all are small tasks that seem minut but who knows the kind of day that person has had that that small task u brush off as nonimportant they see as a glimmer of light of blessing on their day. u might forget it by the time u reach ur destination, but they will remember it for weeks if not longer.
    allison- u cannot possibly think u r that selfish. u contribute part of ur day to this blog. if u were selfish u would not care so much for keeping up with it everyday whether u promised it or not. plus u have charities (kids with a cause, interesting people to introduce us too on this sight. don’t hold ur self down so much. ur one of the few ‘celebrities’/people in that business that communicates regularly with ur fans and talk to us like we have been ur friends for years. so u may consider ur self somewhat selfish to a degree, but i don’t think u are as much as you say you are, not with everything u do for so many. love u girl, and congrats on 40 blogs.

  • Alyssa

    Congrats Allison, and thank you for sharing your insightful ideas with us for the past 40 days.

    I’m going through time in my life where I’m trying to find myself and figure myself out. And your ideas, thoughts, and questions are helping me to discover myself.

    I can relate to the quote you used above; I wouldn’t say that I was afraid to be successful, but it’s easier to blend in and just be mediocre but I’m doing my best to change that.

    Thanks again for wonderful words of wisdom.

  • taylor nikole

    lets see…
    dictionary.com deff:

    selfishness

    1.devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

    2.characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.

    varuns definition:
    being motivated by self interest

    only you can decide what you are in the end….
    how you feel about yourself… it should be your own journey…
    People admire you so much on this site (of course)
    and they are going to say things… and think of you as not being selfish…

    when in reality we only know what you tell us about yourself.
    On the outside or from what ‘we’ know you may not seem selfish…
    but at the same time on the inside you are realizing some things you say or do are selfish?
    Because in the end… it seems the kind things said to make you feel better are a little BS..
    no one knows you better than yourself :)
    we are all a little selfish…
    its human nature… everyone is motivated my self interest
    and even self people can throw out great ideas and have amazingly strong, but true opinions…

  • Darwin

    I first came across this quote…maybe…10 years ago…and I have it written down several places so I can readily share it with people!

    And I have striven to live by them myself.

    I often find these words easier to share than to live.

  • Dick B

    David H

    Thanks for finding that entry on a definition of God.

  • Kyle

    First of all, let me congratulate you for making it to the 40 days; you’re awesome!

    And secondly, it is human nature to be selfish. Being self-LESS and enjoying it actually takes time; it takes quite a long time. We need to “unlearn what [we] have learned” to quote from Yoda.

    “There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving,” and that is true, but it takes time. The weird thing is the more you do it, the more you will eventually enjoy giving to others.

    You’ll get there, you’ve got the right idea.

  • Gaia

    Yeah you have made 40 blogs!!! Today is my birthday!!!

  • taylor nikole

    # Gaia Says:
    August 24th, 2008 at 11:50 pm

    Yeah you have made 40 blogs!!! Today is my birthday!!!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  • Puffy

    “Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” Oscar Wilde.

    You could look at it this way – if you do not put the time into making yourself the person you want to be, you are then depriving your loved ones of the best child/sister/friend/lover that they could have.

  • christa link

    allison, i dont think that you are selfish. you worked very hard to get where you are. you are younger then me and you already know what you want out of life. the only thing that i have acomplished in my life is having a baby. i never went to college and i dont have time to now, besides i dont know what i want to do. right now i just want to be a mother. its great that you have got to 40 blogs, i really like what you have to say. good luck on directing smallville, i know you will do a great job!

  • Nikk

    And here comes the Devil’s Advocate….

    On the opposite side of the coin, if you spend too much time for yourself, you eventually alienate others and end up being the worst best child/sister/friend/lover that they could have.

    I have to say with 100% honesty that my best friend is the perfect example of both sides of the coin. She’s one of the most selfish/selfless people I know. She’ll give you the shirt off her back when you don’t really need it, but when you do need the shirt, she’s too busy having it tailored & dry-cleaned.

  • Ana_Sullivan

    First of all, I want give thanks everyone, Alli and every person that post here. Because even with all the bad things that had happened to me the last times I’m become a optimist girl and with a strength that I thought that I hadn’t already, much of this change thanks to read every day this awesome blog.
    Secondly, congratulations Allison to share with all us your 40 blogs!!
    I want to tell that I love the quote!! And I believe that it’s true that everybody has a little part of God, of light, of every name that you want call it, inside themselves! A light that give us the strenght to continue, to fight, to learn… every single day of our lives to obtain all our goals. This light it’s possible to pass on another person or just show them to find the light in themselves.
    But I believe that this world have people grey too, without light or only they don’t let show their own light to the rest of the world and they become superficial people.
    I think that it’s one of the saddest things in this world.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    I think Allison has to work on being “self-ish” … because she is so damn good at being “other people-ish.” But who among us doesn’t get lost in the roles that life has us playing?

    Still, someone has to do the dishes.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    … Good news! Mys dogs decided to do the dishes while I slept! Now both the dishes and I can shine!

  • James

    I loved the quote at the end.

  • DEFORT

    Personally at us 40 years do not mark, and in general 40 it is considered not so good date:)

  • The Friday Philosopher

    Like everything, selfishness, in moderation is a good thing. Those who spend all their time looking after others have little time to look after themselves! It takes a strong individual take care of others but the strongest of them all realises that they too need care; even if you have to provide it for yourself!

    Nelson Mandela is a very inspirational figure. As a man who came from nothing he would know better than most, how much of an arduous journey life can be. I love this quote; it reminds me of what my friends would say to me during the bad times. This quote makes me think of humanity as a giant machine, we all have our jobs to do, and regardless of title, none are more important than any other.

    To quote Oscar Wilde (again):

    “Without the poor and their laborious jobs, the rich would have to eat money!”

    I always feel that it doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of the universe what we do, just as long as we do the best that we can!

    Friday

  • Samantha

    Allison..This really struck a cord with me. I am 34 and just finding my light again. For years I tried to put it out just to make others more comfortable…but in the end I was the one who was dying from the inside out…because I needed the warm of that flame. Now I let it shine and everyone else will have to deal with who and what I am…Not having that flame inside of me is a cold and dark place….Everyone needs their flame!

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    I don’t know why, but I always look at philosophy and question if it will work for everyone. In the USA, a lot of the people we consider poor have enough food and drink every day, have shelter and have entertainment available to them that is finer than even the kings of old ever dreamed of. But elsewhere, poor can mean having nothing, perhaps not even ownership of self. So we sit here and think up philosophies based upon the options we have. I think of Marie Antoinette. From what I have heard, she was not mean spirited when she said of the poor who didn’t have bread to eat “Let them eat cake.” The cake she referred to was actually a richer type of bread that the nobility ate. Perhaps she felt that the “cake” was as readily available to the poor as it was to her. She was possibly the Paris Hilton of her age – simply the life she was born into.

    So, I imagine the boy or girl in a third world country, who wants to be someone special, but to abandon his or her family to pursue a personal dream could mean that the family would not survive.

    There is business that we are not dealing with because we don’t absolutely have to. And when we have to, it may be too late. We keep consuming even beyond our means and certainly beyond our fair share of the assets this world has to offer. That Ed McMahon has to keep working in his mid 80s to pay his mortgage … incomprehensible.

    Do we need to be more selfish – or self aware? This is a game of words that, fortunately, we have the luxury to play. Do we need to make the most of what we are and can be? Certainly. But what do we answer when asked, “And what of those who can’t possibly afford to pursue their dreams?” Do we answer, “Then let them simply dream.” Like Marie Antoinette, we can only hide in our happy place so long before reality comes knocking loudly at the door.

  • I’m Rachel

    I just wrote two wonderful quotes down and I’m going to keep them in my pocket all day and think about them. Maybe show them to a few people. One is the onw Allison gave us,and the othe is one taylor nikole gave us. Have a great day everyone

  • MARY DEPUE

    First of all I just want to say how much I have enjoyed your web site. Allison you are a wonderfully person and you give of your self on a daily basis just by posting your thought and reading the comments.

    I think it is okay to be selfish and take time for your self. If you don’t it is easy to get overwhelmed and then forget what life is all about and what our orginal purpose was.

    I find myself needing to have a weekend of not leaving my house and not answering my phone just to have a little peace and let my mind rejuvinate. My friends don’t always understand because they think my weekends need to filled with things to do and that I will be lonly. But that is not the case, because lonely I am not but time away always makes me react to people and things better after my weekend of seclusion.

    So be selfish once in awhile you will be better off for it.

  • Jennifer

    I wish there was a meditation workshop where I live. It sounds like something I would be very interested in. Now what is selfish? To me it is when someone puts their own want’s,needs and desires before others. Someone that doesn’t want to share etc.

  • JUnior

    bom não sei se esse é seu blog Alisom espero q seja, gostaria de dizer que adoro seu trabalho sou seu fan meu ingles não é muito bom , moro no brasil e acompanho seu trabalho a muito tempo, te acho linda . se quiser entra em contato = konnig_jr@yahoo.com.br
    ;*
    ………………………………………..
    good I do not know if this is your blog Alisom q hope is, I love your work sou fan my English is not very good, I live in brazil and followed his work on a long time, you find vc beautiful. if you want to get in touch = konnig_jr@yahoo.com.br

  • Lizeth

    ….. uuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmm …..
    I have to share this with the rest of you all, I’m feeling like such a failure right now! I’m starting Junior year in Highschool, and I have Mr. Costigan for Film study, and British Literature… He is also in charge of the Drama Club, I joined the play the Phatom of the Opera, and Watching the Detectives… but I quit… He called me a quitter after I quit. He said ” Your band teacher Mr. Stahlberg said you were a quitter.” I did quit.. I was afraid of something, I just don’t really know what that something was…

    A teacher once told me that many people are not afraid of failure, but conversely they are afraid of success. What is within the human psyche that causes us to procrastinate and eventually back away from the desire to succeed?

    I must admit, very hesitantly I might add, that I am one of those people my teacher was referring to. How many times have I started an article or essay, only to leave it incomplete as if it were an abandoned, unsatisfied lover? Or how many times have I started writing that novel, just to have it lost and forgotten in a computer file, to eventually be deleted.

    Could I be afraid that I will bring undeserving attention to myself? But then what is so horrible about being recognized for an accomplishment, no matter how big or small?

    Perhaps it is that I have been conditioned to telling myself that I cannot succeed, an idea driven into my head all my life from many different sources, reinforced only by my own behavior.

    Another theory would be the idea that leaving a project unfinished – fate uncertain – is far more desirable than actually finishing it and failing. Doing so also keeps hope alive in a way – if the project is left unfinished, perhaps somehow in the future it will resurface and blossom into something even better.

    Or could it be that I am afraid of subjecting myself to certain scrutiny? Surely the further I stick out my neck, the more vulnerable I become to having it slit.

    I must ask myself however, “how does one go about overcoming this fear?”

    I really can’t put such self-defeating thoughts out of my own mind. I will go on writing incomplete novels, deleting unfinished essays and changing my mind about whether to submit a comment on here. However maybe my own self-awareness will get me to hit that “submit” button a little more often.

    But I am afraid of looking at Mr. Costigan in the eye now because he will be my teacher for a hwole school year! aaaand! For two of my classes!….. Any advice?

  • arash

    Meditaion is good, but I have realized that us as social beings can improve certain aspects of our SELF only by interacting with other people. For example allison remember china, the little kid and the dirt? I think that was a moment you discovered something about yourself, I don’t know if that was possible through meditation.

  • http://auditalks.blogspot.com/ Audra

    I think we all have to be selfish from time to time. If we do not take time to make us the best that we can be, how can we ever help anyone else. I guess it is like we cannot love anyone else until we love ourselves. So we need selfish time to shine in order to let others see us shine.

  • Ana_Sullivan

    Yeah! first of all we must to love ourselves. Because when you give all that you are to another person you may end up believing that you have anything more to offer. This situation leads to a lack of self-esteem. And you could lost the person you love, your friends and yourself. (I speak from my own experience) I could say that there is nothing wrong with dear and know ourselves before anyone.

  • Lydia

    Kudos to you for writing so often. It is truly a delight! Thank you.

    A meditation workhop…I’d love that! Why are all the cool stuff so far away? :-) LOL

    You are not being selfish, not at all.

    This is how I see it:
    You want to be a genuinely good person to everyone around you and you want to live your life with compassion and understanding. How can you be of any good to anyone if you are feeling confused, lost or even unhappy? Therefore, I think it is good to take time to reflect and to reconnect. It is important to take care of yourself (to be able to take care of someone else). If you have found inner strength and peace, if you feel confident and happy, if you want to grow and explore…you will definitely exude that and you might inspire others to do the same.
    And, it is okay to simply enjoy yourself too. Life is beautiful and it is your life after all. You get only one chance to live it joyfully.
    Everybody has the right to shine! But, only if you do everything with respect for other human beings too. Only then, can you take credit for your success and can you truly enjoy it.

    What do you think? Does my point of view make any sense?

    We are all a work in progress and I have experienced that introspection has become a must on my journey to a better self.

    PS: on a side note: only 4 weeks before I leave for Vancouver! I’m so excited!:-)

  • Robin

    I guess sometimes in life the best way to be happy is to make the effort to help make others life filled with happiness.

    I tend to get short tempered, annoyed, frustrated in such petty insignificant unimportant things and take the easy route in laying blame on others for my own faults and failings…I really am far too spoilt and lazy and well SELFISH.

    It’s good to step back look around, be thankful for what and who we have in life and re-focus and well just let ourselves just be.

  • Heather

    I aboslutely love that part of the speech you posted :) My cousin and I have been fans of that for awhile now. It’s so moving and powerful, and it really makes you think. Great post!

  • Dick B

    Dear Lizeth,

    I suggest you set up an appointment after school with your Mr. Costigan. Write a question or two on paper to get started. When I was in high school I never talked to my teachers. I missed a lot that could have helped me.

    Dick B

  • Grace

    Allison, I doubt you are really being selfish. I have been experiencing similar feelings myself. About a year ago I made it a goal for myself to express love (on many different levels) to everyone I come in contact with. Most of the time I “forget”, but I recently discovered that the more love I feel for myself the easier it is for me to share it with others without even thinking about it. It’s like the saying “you have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else”. But you also need time for yourself on a regular basis in order for your time with others to be “quality” time. So, in short, I believe you have to give to yourself to be able to give to others. That is not being selfish.

    It’s so interesting to me that you bring this up now because I have recently been having difficulty finding time for myself to meditate (my “me” time). I started mediating about 1 ½ years ago. It has opened me up spiritually more than I could have hoped for! My beliefs have expanded in ways I never imagined. It is like I “found myself”. I am still the same person, but I am much closer to finding true peace in my life. I hope you continue to meditate on a regular basis and are able share your experiences in your blog.
    BTW – you are a “brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous” person!

  • Vegas911

    I feel like Aysha, I don’t seem to able to find that balance of “me time” and time for others. I give too much time to others I think. I am always the one people call when they have a problem, and sometimes I should say no, but I can’t seem to do it. Even if I don’t feel like taking this person here, and going there to help this person do this…I feel like I spend my whole day helping other people get there stuff together that I don’t have time to get my stuff together. My husband actually gets very ticked off about it….I see that they need help and I always look at it like when I needed help there were people there to lift me up, and I somehow I feel like I am paying them back by doing as much as I can to do for those in need. And I always think to myself “if it’s something that I can do for them then I will do it”…like I have a freind who needed to get her license back so for 5 weeks I would get off work run to her house pick her up take her to her class, watch her son gor 1.5 hours then go pick her up and take her home….for free. I do stuff like that all the time. My husband said that it pisses him off that he has to make a reservation to use our car, because I’m always running someone to the grocery store, or this appt. or the laundrymat. But I know what it feels like to have to walk everywere and it sucks ass!!! So I don’t know exactly how to fix this part of myself…it may cause a divorce!!!LOL.

  • Melissa

    Hi Allison.Well I think I’m half selfish and half not,because as much as I want to become a great person,have a great job and a “perfect” live I’m going to still helping others to have the life they dream about,because I just can sit and see around how some people might need my help and being there for them makes me feel I’m doing something that I might regret in the future ’cause I’m helping others and I’m not helping myself,but you know I think that when I’ll need some help,tha people I helped will be there for me,as I was for them,it’s just what I think and feel.Have a freaky day Allison.
    Bye,Melissa.

  • Ana_Sullivan

    I feel like the same way. I’m a person who always wants the welfare of others before my own. If any friend has a problem I worry and I try to help (I think that I worry more that the person who has the problem… sometimes)
    My ex was tired of me because she said I was too good person… so I don’t know… Should I change that? Seems that when you try to help, some people just leave you aside.

  • Lyam

    Hi,Allison,I’m new here and I don’t speak English,I’m from Mexico.Mi nombre es Luis y me gustaria poder contactarte para hablarte sobre una idea que tenemos una amiga y yo; sobre una fiesta que queremos organizar para el cast de smallville…. bueno espero que veas mi comentario y me respondas…. bye

  • Vegas911

    @ Ana_Sullivan

    That is what you have to be careful about… I have had my heart broken so many times by people that I thought were my friends, and I go out of my way to do for them and when it comes time to pay it forward I usually get left twistin in the wind ya know….It’s sad that people take advantage of those who are selfless…I know better than most want that is like….Don’t let that keep you from being a good person though, for every jerk that takes advantage there is one person that you helped that appreiciates you and uses the helping hand to really better themselves, and that what I’m in it for, so stay strong, just don’t be anyones doormat…much luv ~Netra~

  • arash

    When it come to helping other people, I came to this conclustion; If I label my act as “selfless” I should not expect anything in return. If I do then that’s just a business, it is trade.
    I buy gifts for people never expect me to do so. It may look rude sometimes to some people, but I rather to be rude and honest, but fake and sweet.

  • arash

    p.s.women are always thin and beautiful that’s an exception!

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