But it IS okay to do stuff for applause, when we get such enjoyment from it as well!!! Some stuff that feels good for you, is enjoyed by others as well, so please keep giving us that gift!

I think that there are a growing number of free people in the world. I am not one of them. Making the choice to be free would be a very hard one for me. Maybe it has something to do with how I want others to see me … but the last few years have taught me that that isn’t entirely the case. Because, mostly, people don’t see me at all … and those that do see me tend to judge me from a perspective I don’t come from. They don’t see me as I am or as I choose to be seen. So, I know that my actions, unless I behave extremely badly, will not alter others perceptions of me. Yet I behave the same way. So I must be motivated in other ways. I have spoken of programming before, so I will not try to dwell on that very much. But early on, I was cast in the role of well-mannered, responsible child. And I don’t want to be irresponsible mainly because of the way I feel about myself.

Why do I work? I want to eat. I want to have a place to live … not a nice place by anyone’s standards but a place that is relatively warm and sheltered from the elements. I don’t want my work to result in side effects that harm others – physically hurt them through shoddy design; or unfairly cause expense due to poor design, inefficient (pricy) execution, or greed.

Freedom comes from having enough money saved to support yourself while you do what you want to do. Freedom comes from lack of responsibility to anyone or anything. Freedom comes from power to control what you do on a daily basis – being the boss. Freedom comes from not giving a shit about anyone else. We make choices to give away pieces of our freedom. Sometimes it is a good trade — sometimes it is not.

Someone close to me inherited some money. It wasn’t long before he quit his job. Any day he chooses to be is Christmas for him or his friends. But he feels no need to pay rent and still feels entitled to all the perks of being supported. There is no though to paying any bill he personally doesn’t feel like paying and would never think of paying back people who lost money when he went bankrupt a few years ago. His only concern is that he wins a few lawsuits in the near future so he can continue to live the life he has been living the past several months. He is free.

We live on credit thinking that we will buckle down some other day and pay for what we enjoy today … or get lucky with the lottery or the stock market … or go bankrupt and not have to pay for what we enjoyed on credit. But when everyone is free and no one gets around to doing the pay back and everyone thinks that “paying it forward” is for chumps, then the credit supply will lump and the places that people go to get bailed out will be over run … and our freedom will end. Live for today! But what do we condemn your future selves to? But wait! Look at the headlines. That day has come. The bill collector is at the door.

I prefer the luge!

I see I said it correctly, I “pulled” the wheelchair.” The front of the chair acted like a plow if I tried to push it and the accumulating pile in front of us stopped me pretty quickly. The rather large man had a class in the opposit end of the building where his last class had been held and there was a staircase in the middle of the building that there was no way around inside the building. So I had only maybe twenty minutes to get him from one classroom, out the door and around to the opposite side of the building. The sidewalk had about 18 inches of snow on it. Neither one of us reached the opposite end of that building with our dignity intact. One solution would have been a handicapped accessible building. I always preferred the idea of increasing the capacities of the handicapped. Now they have wheelchairs that climb stairs.

There are so many things I want to achieve and I hope I do. I hope you do to Allison, though I think you will girl!

I think it’s time I wrote down the things I want to achieve and want to aim for this year!

Also I must add- Your blogs always make me think.. and are very interesting to read .

Take care hun,
Hardish xo

In a sense, I think we´re all “playing parts”, for others, of for ourselves…
I´ve often wondered why I do the things I do. People that knows me say that I have a “good heart”. But I´ve always thought that I try to be a good person because that makes me feel good with myself. So, isn´t that selfish in a way?
Some people feel good by caring only about themselves, and can we blame them for that? Everyone does what it feels better for them…
Supposedly, being empathic and compassionate with others is sign of being a good person. But is all so subjective, because if you think about it, what we call “evil people” are often persons who´ve suffered a lot in their lives or they may have a mental condition that prevents them to feel anything for others… There´s always a reason for a behaviour. So, are those persons really free to choose their actions, or they´re “forced” to be as they are?
I´m not sure if I´m free or not, I only know that I´m lucky to be where I am and I can enjoy my life, and I´m happy for that.
I used to feel guilty about my life some years ago, when I was watching all the bad things happening in the world… But now I know I can take advantage of it. Being little as I am in the Universe, I can make a change if I live my life properly. At least I can make a change in my life, and I think everything will be fine as long as I remember that “my freedom ends when another´s freedom starts”.

Hi Allison =) awesome insight.
I definitely agree.
I had similar (in a sense) insight with myself as I explored my own journey.
—-
mmm.. so life ought not to simply be lived for others or for reactions from others, for approval and so on..
but it left a question
if I may ask.. =)
so why?
what experiences ARE YOU seeking for yourself?
What is this JOURNEY you are on, for yourself? What is the purpose of this journey you are on?

Very nice and philosophical, but errr could you change your font back next time please, it’s hard to read…

I look forward to seeing what you do this year with this new perspective.

Hi Allison

To be true to oneself is not an easy endeavor to accomplish. The world is full of “obligations” that you might have to deal with; however, I know you would get through them and still try to be honest with yourself. This reminds me of Bruce Lee’s philosophy dealing with expression, to be true to oneself and express oneself honesty without lying to oneself. This can be all kinds of art forms or beliefs and I just combined them to create who I am. I think based on my experience you might notice congruency’s between the things you hold to be true, it shares a common characteristic, sometimes not all the time, whether it being strength or virtue or what have you. I do however, thing this is a great path you are embarking on, you are already thinking in depth to begin with and I know you will do fine. Oh and I disagree with one thing you said, I don’t think you need makeup to look umm

- Jesse

Wow, once again you’ve delved into some deeeeeep shit! I am always amazed at how insightful you are at such a young age (26, lol). I know, I sound like a world-weary old fart. Well, getting to 50 yrs old wasn’t easy, and was filled with emotional potholes along the way. All that said, maybe you’re being too hard on yourself? After all, being an actor/actress is a profession of “lies” in a way. True you’re telling a story, but it’s not one about you. You’re portraying someone else … either real or imaginary. It’s not about you, rather it is about the skill with which you portray that person, that is of importance. A skilled portrayal brings that character to life. And that is the success you should judge yourself by. In my humble opinion, you do an utterely fantastic job in your chosen career. And with the things you accomplish in your personal life, you must also be an incredible human being! For all that you do, this kudo’s for you!

Neil

With me, I find that I have a tendency to just go through the motions. I know that I can break out of this rut, but it is so comfortable and habitual. I know what I want, yet I still am hesitant to form a mission for myself. Yet I am well aware that there needs to be more than “half a page of scribbled lines”. I’ve put up a shell lately, a shell that has really always has been there since I was a teenager, but now I have strengthened it so much more. I really don’t feel as if I’m free to be myself anymore–sensitive, and full of joy and enthusiasm. But I have matured enough to know more than, “To Hell with the whole world!!!” However, I will still reserve my freedom to pick and choose my time regardless, because I am tired of feeling angry so often and it just doesn’t have to be that way.

I think that if someone is happy with the journey they are currently on, then it is the right journey.

“Like I am always simply playing a part.”

The experiences that you have been through as an actress have made you who you are today. There will be more experiences in the future, but if you left what you are currently doing, you will never be able to go back.

I would never regret such amazing journeys.
Still, I admire the fact that you are analyzing your life. I wish you the best.

It is so uncanny sometimes the similarities in the things that you write and the moments of self-evaluation and revelation that I am having in my own life. I’m sure that part of it has to do with our close proximity in age, but wow. I honestly could have written your words myself.

I recently found this quote that says:

“Treat every project you work on as a learning experience, and you will find that failure can be a very creative place.”

I think I stumbled across it in an article on how to write a musical. As my eyes crossed these simple words unsuspectingly, I was changed. I have made it my mantra and it has set me free in so many ways.

I am not going to lie…it wasn’t like “POOF” I no longer care what others think of me if I fail. Though that would be nice, but it has given me courage to live more for me and to try more than I think I can handle.

I’m interested in your opinion. Please check out http://www.NarehoodPhotography.org. Thanks.

The spirit of the letter is good: nothing wrong with seeking some freedom and looking for what you enjoy.

But my question is: could you really stand to be invisible? Like David H. said, it’s a very different world when people will ignore you and you feel the need to conform just to have acceptance.

To pull the pop culture reference: it’s like those shows where hot person puts on a fat suit. Over and over again, the same theme comes up “being invisible”… not getting service, people not making eye contact vs the attention they get when attractive. So do you wear make up so that other people think you’re beautiful? Maybe… or maybe because it’s hard on the soul the way you’re treated when people find you unattractive or uninteresting.

allison i think your the best at what you do. whatever you do. i know smallville isnt going to last forever. but i feel you should do what makes you feel happy. you have the chances to do whatever you want so go for it. THIS IS YOUR STEPPING STONE. love with all my heart… and may your 09 be fine!

Kind of like what Chuck Yeager’s career advice, “Pick something you enjoy doing. Forget the money angle, within reason. If you enjoy what you’re doing, you’ll adjust your lifestyle to meet your income. And if you enjoy it well enough, you’ll be outstanding because you’ll always like doing it”

Puffy,

I’ll try to find the zipper on my fat suit! And I agree that sometimes invisible people chose to conform, but often they (we) do the opposite just to be noticed and a little less invisible. Ever see the “Twilight Zone” episode where Burgess Meredith is becoming more and more invisible to the world? Before he fades out of existence, he decides what the heck and climbs on the back of a statue of a lion next to the steps of a public building. He had always wanted to ride on that lion’s back. As he does, he begins to hear laughter. People are pointing at him. By daring to do what he wants to do (and being a little on the odd side in public), he has become visible to the world again.

I believe that yes we are all humans and capeable of reaching goals, maybe not all. This leads to just getting of my ass and doing them. I mean i really do not know what causes motivation. Maybe the need to grow and mature. Who knows it more of a personal thing. Well theres my little imput. I think we almost work together as human beings in a way in which we do things for others. Like a bridge can not be bulit with one piece of wood. If this makes any sense, probably not, but oh well.
BYE

THE JOURNEYS OF LIFE

Hello Allison,

I have to admit that I wasn’t sure whether I ought to reply this post of yours or not. There are so many things I could say about it, but maybe there are so many things better left unsaid as well. I don’t know you personally, what makes it somehow difficult. However, I’m quite familiar with your statement which allows me to write a reply to you as if you were a close friend of mine.

“But that being said, we must take charge of our own experience and know and understand our own journey for us.
Know and understand your own journey for you.
Know and understand my own journey for me.
That way, when I am in the experience I am in it for me.
Living it with no fear or attachment to the outcome, only the experience.”
- After I read this I reasoned that it’s not necessary to say anything. It seems you found your way. Yet I’d like to throw in my two pennies worth.

People who know me say that I have wisdom far beyond my age. Still there are many things I have to learn. So what is this wisdom? A big fat lie? No, because wisdom doesn’t mean that I’m omniscient. Maybe I’m just a very good adviser. For many people I am too nice. Nevertheless, there are people who can’t stand me, but this doesn’t matter, because I can’t stand them either. “Too nice”? Sounds like a big fat lie since those who dislike me certainly disagree with that. Still, it’s true and sometimes it even turns out negative for me. So I’ve been fixing that for a while now, but I’ve still had some occasional backslides.
What I’m saying is that nothing turns out as big fat lie and no one becomes a big fat liar because of a different point of view. In case it does, we luckily all have the chance to think twice.
So what is a lie or a liar? The truth is, lies belong to the attributes of human kind. We all tell lies from time to time. The difference is the way we do so – conscious or subconscious.
“I suddenly realized that I am a big fat liar. So many of the things in my life I claim to want or have are only because of the way this looks.”
- I don’t think it’s not that worse. You just found your feet again. Have you ever considered that you maybe just wanted for the wrong things? Or you may have just thought to own things you haven’t. We all have our wishes and dreams and sometimes we long so much for ‘em that those become a lively illusion. Therefore it’s important that we never lose touch with reality. However, does this make you a liar? No, it makes you human, Allison Mack. It makes you human.

“Like I am always simply playing a part. How silly, what a silly waste of time.”
- Don’t worry; you’re not just playing a role. You’re not just a facet or a masquerade. You’re much more than that. What I am saying is that I think that when it comes to the real you, you hesitate because you’re uncertain of other people’s reaction. You want to please them which might lead you to the wrong paths. This feeling of simply playing a part comes from dissatisfaction. You came to a point you realised that it’s not the real you, not the right path. Hence, it’s not what you wanted and every thing seems to be nothing but a lived lie. Yet, it was all real, but since you possibly made some wrong decisions in order to please others, you didn’t go your own way. Not all of us find the right way for each of us at once. This can make quite unhappy.
“As I started to ask and answer these questions for myself, I started to see why I do these things, really.
What type of experience I am seeking for me.”
- Congratulations, you’ve done it. You freed yourself. Therefore, it was necessary to take some time off for pondering and I think you’re on the right track now. As Katharine Hepburn said: “Life is to be lived.” – She was right. But more important than to live one’s life is to dare to do so.
Don’t be afraid, do not hesitate – just dare, Allison. No matter what people think or say – dare to be yourself, dare to live yourself, but above all this, dare to live!
You’ll see, as soon as you’ve made your own way for a while, you’ll experience an astounding satisfaction or even happiness. You’ll come to the point you can say: “Yes, that’s who I am and that’s what I want!” – Just dare!
… And No, it wasn’t a waste of time and it’s certainly not silly. You just feel that way because you’re somehow disappointed. Yet you had to make these experiences in order to find to yourself. Our life includes one journey after another. Of course there are some journeys we’d love to miss, but without those we’re incomplete. We have to learn from the lessons life teaches us.

“What would happen if I disregarded the “character” I am attempting to portray and actually lived for me.”
- You know, the journeys of life are those paths we build by making our choices and decisions; even though we’re not always the architect of our roads. Look at all those big stars in film and music. Why did they become famous? – Because somebody offered or gave them a chance and they used this opportunity. So did you.
What would have happened if you disagreed? – Well, I guess you’ll never know. Hence, it doesn’t make much sense to ask this question. But if you’re curious whether you’d have become famous by refusing… Know this: You did not only become famous because you’ve been portraying Chloe Sullivan. Of course you benefited from the Show’s success, but just figure, if you’d be a lousy actress you’d never gained such fame. Your fame is the result of your work in public and you work really good. Besides you made huge progress during the last few years. You grow with your work and this is no mean feat. You can be proud of you.
“…the “character” I am attempting to portray and actually lived for me.” – The character an actor or actress portrays is a lifeless description on paper. It’s the actor/actress who brings the role to life. Your “character” didn’t live for you. I think you’re rather afraid that your performance isn’t good enough. An unpleasant feeling, but it allows you to grow, Allison. What you did.
“Why play a part if it is not for the applause?” – It should be for your own pleasure as well. I personally think that this is even more important than any applause. However, for getting applause you don’t need to play a part – just do something… not even necessary something great.

“Why wear make up if it is not to have someone think of me as beautiful?”
- As I already told you in my very first posting… true beauty comes from the inside. As soon as someone has seen your true colours no make up can hide ‘em because from this day forth this person will only see the real you. So what’s make up for then? – It’s for the illusions we create and perform.

Okay, I think this reply got a little long . However, I think you and I sort of finally came to sort of the same conclusion.
“A practice free of obligation and filled with honesty. A year of truth that will be the start to a lifetime of depth!” – In my opinion, truth and honesty should always be the essence of every single day in our life. Make your way – just dare!

Best wishes
Silvia

I feel I need to mention something… With all the talk on this site about our goals and dreams and asparations, what about those people who don’t know what those are? Those confused people who don’t know what to do with their life, who sort of drift along each day, not knowing what’s next? This has never happened to me, as I’ve been blessed with knowing exactly what I want to do with my self, and obviously Allison wouldn’t know this feeling, but think about this; What if, tommorrow, all the dreams we have for our future were shattered, abolished, decimated? Would we be the same people, Happy and full of life, or would we be an empty shell, drifting along our lives? Are our dreams what make us who we are?

Hi.
Just I am reading a book…. “Warrior of the Light” ,Paulo Coelho…. in spanish.

And this book seems to have a little connection with your new post.

I think… that you like Paulo Coelho… and maybe you know this little book, otherwise… read “Warrior of the Life”!

aahhh…. Welcome again to the South American Culture.

This time… was Quito… maybe next time…. Rio de Janeiro… Buenos Aires… Punta del Este…. Cuzco….
La Paz… Caracas… Cali… Valparaiso… Asuncion.

“El Sur” is waiting for you!

best wishes
take care
and remember… We can!

As I write this response, its my final semester of College life and that of my student teaching. Its also the last time I’ll probably have some freedom before being tied down to a job. So, in that sense, im going to do my best to have fun with people that care about me. I feel like im always trying to change so that I’m acceptable to other people. I can’t keep doing that, because its not fair to me. I’m going to keep the qualities that I like about me, but I’m also not going to change just to make others happy. Of course I’m going to continue to change any flaw I have, but if its just to please people, I can’t do that. Its time to truely live for me like I’ve done in the past.

BTW, you did an awesome job portraying Brainiac in Smallville on Thursday. Keep up the good work, and I can’t wait to see your directing debut.

Hi Allison, again, I have to say that your performance as Chloe AKA Brainiac was simply amazing and just blew me away!

I know sometimes I do things to satisfy others or to just make me feel good about myself. Sometimes, in the morning I debate on making myself pretty for school or not. I usually end up taking the easy way out. No make up. Or maybe it’s just me not making an effort. But then again I don’t feel 100% comfortable without make up just yet. I think we should just take one day at a time and do what’s right, for us and for our souls so that in the end we know we did it for the great and good. Your acting inspires me every day and helps me to want to pursue acting in the near future as well as become an amazing and talented woman like you. You are so young, creative, talented, and have a life full of oppurtinities ahead! Don’t forget that we, your loving fans, will always be here for you no matter what. Playing roles gives you the chance to prove your capacity and limits to becoming and playing those characters! So far, you’ve done an excellent job and Chloe couldn’t be formed and made the way she is without you playing her! She is an incredible, strong, good hearted girl just like you! I hope my post makes sense and I hope you know that finding this website and finding out who you are is such an amazing and important thing to me!
Brittany XOXOXO