explosion!

Woah! So everything in my life is in flux and the world feels like it is tumbling down around me and yet I feel so totally confident and comfortable in my skin. I really want to blame it on my age. I want to say that “26 just seems like the age when people, you know, get real with themselves”…blah blah blah, bullshit. Who know what it is, if it is a universal paradigm shift or whatever, but most of the people I am close to are in similar places. We are all kind of saying, “what are we up to?”

I have made some huge life decisions recently, but all of them seem to be coming from a place of love rather than panic. Is this what it means to get to know yourself? Making choices from a place of honesty and love rather than necessity and panic?

Not bad, Mack, I think you may be getting it.

And yes, I just spoke about myself in the third person. Give me a break, it is 3:21 in the morning in Prague and I am desperately trying to make sense of things.

xoxo
a

  • http://www.avitable.com Avitable

    Calling yourself “Mack” makes me think of “Mack the Knife.”

  • http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2269943 Erik A. Williams

    It’s good to know yourself and even though it takes forever to truly get there, it’s worth the wait.

  • Keith

    I truly think that one of the prime parts of getting to know one’s self is realizing exactly that: that the decisions are based out of love and not rash thinking. It’s also, in my opinion, one of the best forms of self-realization because it allows you to love and be there for others more than ever. I’m glad that you’re pleased in the direction your career is taking at the moment and wish you nothing but the best.

  • william

    Hey allison, up late again huh? Its 12:30am in virginia right now. Glad your making decisions for the right reason and feel good about it. As always thanks for bloging you could just think “hell, its late I’m tired I”ll blog tomarrow.” Later,
    have fun,
    william

  • Charles

    I’m in a similar place, trying to make sense of things – but the problem is that necessity keeps creeping up on me and I can’t meet its demands. Silly me…

    But it’s good to know you have that sort of peace of mind. Many take forever trying to attain it and don’t ever quite get there. So YAY, you! :-D

  • Susana

    aww see I wanna feel that Allison I think you are incredibly lucky to be able to look at yourself that way. I don’t know I just feel so overwhelmed with everything yet I feel soooooo good about myself because I just got my graduation present which was a new car yay me haha! But yet I still feel bad about myself :( I don’t know I hope one day I will be able to look at myself the way you have with such integrity & like you said honesty & actually be able to make sense of things.

    Dang you are up late, lol you need to get some rest. Who am I kidding I am the same way lol. I do love the mornings though. I hope everything is & keeps & going great in Prague & good for you for seeing that inner strength in you :)

    Take Care,

    Susana

  • http://www.StevenKirk.com Steven Kirk

    This is just me, and NO reflection on where you’re at right now, but when I was in my 20′s I knew I was a genius…now I just know I’m smart enough not to think I know it all. ;)

    The thing I’ve learned is just when you think you’ve got it all under control and all figured out, somebody or something comes in to upset the apple cart and changes all the rules.

    Back to square one. Do not pass “Go”. Do not collect $200 dollars.

    At least you’re in the quasi-unique position of having a little more control over you destiny than the average person.

    You’re obviously intelligent and obviously talented, and from what I’ve seen so far, you haven’t squandered any of the gifts you’ve been given or worked so hard to receive.

    You have quite an incredible journey ahead of you…you lucky dog!

  • taylor nikole

    mehh, i speak to myself in the third person… its almost like taking a step out of myself and looking in on myself. Its not even the least bit inspiring to tell you the truth… it makes you feel a bit crazy at times.

    “blah blah blah, bullshit”

    you sound like me today… ahah rad! :)

  • http://monicaop.livejournal.com MonicaOP

    I don’t care how you talk about yourself, I just hope your head feels clearer… the way you express yourself I think you aren’t far behind on making sense on things. Tons of hugs and good luck!! I hope Prague is amazing for you :) , be well.

  • Lydia

    I’m turning 35 in June and I’ve only recently truly figured out what I want out of life and who I want to be.
    Working towards a better self, pursuing dreams, making life decisions,…it all can be difficult sometimes but, no matter the outcome, it feels great and empowering because it’s my decision, I’m in control of my life, it’s my journey.

    I applaud you for digging deep and for reflecting on your life and yourself. You’re on a beautiful journey Allison!

    Good luck with the premiere of Crossed Wires tonight!

  • thomas

    Foundations.

  • thomas

    Just some useless trivia…
    ======
    I want to say that “26 just seems like the age when people, you know, get real …..
    ======

    Jimi Hendrix died at 27, Jim Morrison died at 27 and many others as well. 27 seems to be a hard year to get through.

    And come to think of it most women don’t survive past 29 years old. At least I haven’t found any women older the 29. Ha ha ha.

  • Jade Ruby

    Ahh, I’m reluctant to get my engine started. So there! :P
    It’d be about 7:30am now in Prague, have a fantastic day Allison!

  • http://twitter.com/anointedphoenix Jason

    Hey! Hope you are having a great time in Prague. Yeah! I agree I am about to be 23 and I am still taking in information.
    A book that I recommend for those who need a vacation from real life and some enlightening words of encouragement, Mind Magic by Marta Hiatt Ph.D Some of these ideas you probably have experience and learned but it is good to refresh on ourselves in a new way. I hope you get this book. Have a great birthday and have a good time in Prague.

  • http://snowballsweets.deviantart.com/ Gina

    LOL this made me laugh for some reason – not in a bad way though! Never been to the Czech Republic. Hope it’s fun! :D

  • Silvia

    Hi Allison,

    To get real with oneself has nothing to do with one’s age. As long as there’s the question “What are we up to?” you still haven’t found your way or look for a new one.

    Quote: “Is this what it means to get to know yourself? Making choices from a place of honesty and love rather than necessity and panic?“

    - No. If you make your choices from love you’ve got closer to your aim. It shows that you make your choices less egoistical… maybe even humbly. Well, as long as you don’t live a lie or want to live a lie by making a certain choice, your choices are honest. When do we know ourselves? I think we know ourselves from the point we know exactly how we tick and what we use to do in whatever situation. Howsoever, the main thing is that you feel totally confident and comfortable in your skin.

    By the way, many people talk of themselves in third person in general. A boyfriend is one of them. He’s a very special but strange creature anyway… and I love that kind of people. :-)

    Quote: “Give me a break, it is 3:21 in the morning in Prague and I am desperately trying to make sense of things.”

    - At this time of night I’d rather try to get some sleep instead of trying to give things some sense. ;-)

    Have a nice day!

    xo
    Silvia

  • Robin

    Have faith in these life choices Allison, any decision any of us make based on honesty and love and a very good chance of being the correct ones.

    Don’t worry about asking yourself “What are we up to?” it doesn’t just stop at 26, i’m 32 and still ask myself that most days.

    Sometimes it helps to step back (even in the third person haha) and take a look at where we are and where we’d like to go next.

    Hope the “Crossed Wires ” project is going well.

  • Beth

    Yes, life is definitely confusing and I think most of us are still trying to figure it all out.
    Although I’m only twenty and I already have a pretty good idea about what I want my life to be about. I guess everyone discovers this at different ages.

    By the way, Thomas, those facts you posted are pretty scary…

    P.S.-OMG! My sister’s getting married on her birthday. I just found out! This is awesome news! It’s right up there with Crossed Wires!

    Good luck with that tonight Allison.

    xoxo
    Beth

  • Marie

    i’m turning 24 in a month Im having the same inner conflict. Am I really about to break up with my girlfriend of 4 years? What am I to do with myself??

  • Rhonda

    Hm, well, I thought I knew myself in my 20′s. Oh yeah, I was pretty darn confident that I was beginning to figure it out, then BAM! Life hit again. BAM! Again. Double BAM! You get me.

    I love this quote because I’ve found it to be true: “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”–Helen Keller

    Not until I was taken all the way down, with everything being tested at once—body, spirit, will power, beliefs, trust, character, humor, etc. did I begin to build myself into who I really am. (Still working on it, of course.)

    We all go through little times of suffering, but indeed, it is life that teaches us who we are. The more you experience, the more you find out how you react to different problems. Everything is a lesson.

    So, the 26-year-old stuff isn’t BS. You grow through each moment, and nothing else. Is there any other way to live? You’ll say the same thing at 27, 33, 39…

    And girrrrl, this will probably not be the last time you make a decision out of necessity and panic. However, you do seem to be getting it. Your blogs are refreshingly honest. Being honest with yourself is the very best place to start.

  • http://www.daybow.com David Hayes

    My step-son was told a couple weeks ago that, because he got his college degree in 2002, he would not be considered for employment — they wanted someone with a more recent degree. It’s a new maybe legal way of age discrimination. Washed up at 29. That’s something. I just saw a sign that said, “We have jobs for youth 16 to 24.” A job is a job. How can it be limited that way? If someone is willing to work for the pay offered and qualified to do the job, there shouldn’t be an age restriction.

    So … age 26 … these days, that’s very close to being over the hill!

  • Tarah

    Life is a journey, where one struggles to try to get to know themselves. But this has nothing to do with age, really. I think there’s a shift in consciousness going on in our society as a lot of people now are willing to look at themselves and say ‘hey, what I am up to?’
    When your decisions are immersing from love and honesty and not from panic, and it seem less of a struggle then yes, you are in acceptance of who you are :) It’s one of the most beautiful moments to oneself to accept one’s struggle, and react lovingly towards it so you can be at peace within and and therefore be at peace with whatever is going on around you. And I’m grateful for the times I feel like that myself :)
    Have a blessed day Allison. Your blog posts are inspiring, truly.
    xo Tarah

  • Irene

    your contagous…lol I’m so use to the whole honesty thing that yesterday at work, I didn’t really think of how to “be” around people, I just was.

    People that I normally talk to were either left with their mouth open, and others just stared at me like puzzled.

    I also found it interesting that I could pick up on other people’s falsehood a lot quicker. That part makes me sad that others feel like they have to lie to be around me.

    Do you ever get that?

    nevertheless, being comfortable in your own skin is key to just being yourself.
    I’m glad you were able to “find yourself” in Prague (sp?) (im tired too)

  • http://my-dailyplanet.blogspot.com ranu

    Mack, are you will quick to play Chloe on Smallville ? I read your interview with Matt . It will be sad if you quick from played that character

  • http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=630350816&ref=profile Gnome

    I want my 26 back…………. I got old and lazier…. I so envy you… Not envy exactly, I admire your youth spirit.

    I’m glad you are having such great time. I take life as a gift so I believe we should enjoy it as a kid on Xmas. A gift is not usefull if you don’t get it off the package, so enjoy even a mess that you can get with it. Its part of the process of living.

    Have a good time

  • Grayson

    Hey Allison,

    I would say it’s not so much age as it is phase in life…you are probably rubbing off on the people around you, as the people around you are rubbing off on you.

    And, I also think you are coming into your own as a positive, successful force, and you will probably continue to influence those around you, simply because you are identifying where your choices are being made from. A choice from panic contains far less conviction and devotion than a choice from the heart, and so choices from the heart often lead to success and satisfaction.

    Keep up the positive influence, you are a spark in the world!

  • MarilyneL

    haha I would want to be in HER head and witness the explosion! haha, seriously, wisdom seems to get ya :P Good night!/day, :P

  • http://twitter.com/furrelkt Keri

    Allison,
    Talking about or to yourself in 3rd person is good…because you can step back and really look at yourelf and get real with yourself, seems like your on the right track. :)

    Best wishes for you,
    Keri

  • Lis

    it funny that you say 26 is when you figured yourself out because, i’m 20 and i am just learning about myself and realizing that i am not the person i thought i was. When i was in high school i made the mistake of thinking i found myself and i couldn’t understand why people complained about their 20s until i got there. But because of you there is hope, i mean if it took you untill now to figure stuff out and i am just beginning…. anyway hope Prague is going well and i refer to myself in third person ALL the TIME ;)

  • Matt

    If you are making decisions based on love and honesty, you don’t have anything to worry about. Love is the key to discovering yourself and the others around you.

    Also, you can’t let your age rule over your thoughts. At any age we often think to ourselves, what am I up to? Or, what am I supposed to be doing? When you free yourself from worrying about your age, you will relieve yourself from stress and be better able to clearly express happiness and joy. =)

    And I think 26 is an awesome age! =)

    =) Matt

  • http://Www.YouTube.com/Duidlproductions William

    I feel I am coming to a similar point in my life. I turned 26 a month ago, since then I have felt like a change needs to happen. Unlike youself, I have yet to figure out how to be introspective and find out what choices to make.

    I hope one day I can meet you, I think our conversations could be very interesting.

    William

  • http://pen.eiu.edu/~asvernon Anthony V

    I kinda know how you feel Allison. I’m 23 and I just graduated from college. Currently, I’m looking for a teaching job somewhere, and its just tough right now. I feel like alot of my life is kinda going out of control too..even at the age of 23. The whole comfortable in my skin part though…that requires work. I’m a bit scared that I wont really know the content that I’ve learned throughout the years.

    I guess I can say thats for being an inspiration and even keeping me on my toes…especially when it comes to not panicing. And, speaking in the third person isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

  • Vanessa (spain)

    For me it was 22 when I started being real with myself. Before that I think I was only a “reaction” to my environment. I think it´s when you realize what´s your place in the world that you start feeling that way. When you learn that you´re not the center of the Universe you become more humble and more human, and you can also stop feeling as much fear.

    I speak in the third person all the time. I´ve got really interesting conversations with that other voice in my head. Sometimes it encourages me, it tells me what I´m doing wrong, what I´m doing right… I often have arguments with it, but most of the times my third person voice is right :P

  • Netra

    I was talking to a really close friend last night, whom is about 11 or 12 years older then I……and through the course of our coversation I realized that being 30 is a whole different game then when I was in my twenties…….my tolorance for bullshit is non exsitant these days….I find myself incapable of pretending to care about things that I actually do not care about. Or in turn to act as though I don’t care about things that I in-fact DO care about…….games are for children!!!It is not possible anymore for me to float through my life without much concern for it..if that makes any sense???? I am finding that I am confident in myself and my own abilities, I actually LIKE myself, and I think that I am a pretty freakin cool person, friend, daughter, whatever role it is I take on, I find myself becoming submersed in it…..I drench myself in everything these days…I have ACTUALLY started to stop…and look around me….and soak it all in….and be happy in the knowledge that I am lucky to have the expiereince that I am having….it may not be glamourous, or chock full of excitment….but it is MINE….and damn it I am going to make this a great ride….too bad it took me 30 years to come to terms with myself…so count yourself lucky that you seem to be doing it at 26!!!! Have fun in Prague my sweet…AND GET SOME REST!!!!!!

  • Amanda N.

    Ah so it’s around 26 when you began to really get a sense of who you are.I really don’t want to wait that long.It is always nice to see your life decisions work out in a positive way,so I am glad that though the world feels like it is tumbling around you that you still feel at a good spot in your life.

    And refering to yourself in the third person is completely normal,well atleast to me it is.I believe it takes you out of your skin for a short while and you can examine yourself and your decisions and mistakes,and then from there you can hopefully make some right choices for yourself.I do it all the time,but mostly in my head.

    3:21 in the morning,so was it an early morning or late night for you?I always make sense of things late at night when I am in my bed.It’s usually when most of my realizations come to me.I hope you get some rest though,you must really need it after all the hard work you’ve been putting in with the play.

  • http://Allisonmack.com Smallvillekent

    Yes I say around 26 is when you start to figure it out and get comfortable in your oun skin. At 26 I became a dad so yes I had to figiure it out in a hurry. But now 20 some years later I like many others are still trying to figure it out. So Allison you are doing good and don’t worry if you have a panic decision here or there we all have them. Wishing you all the best!

  • arash

    Mac321 rocks but please don’t make any decisions with “Crossed Wires”.

    Lydia;”I applaud you for diggin deep”

    Yes I have seen her pictures in china!

  • Jami

    Mack I am glad that you are comfortable with who you are becoming. Lfe is a wild ride. Trusting in yourself and your choices and being satisfied when you look yourself in the mirror is important.

  • Sean Thorpe

    Actually it is the age…
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frontal_lobe
    “..The frontal lobe reaches full maturity around age 25, marking the cognitive maturity associated with adulthood.”

    Could be you’re just experiencing a bit of off-kilter-perspective; seeing things from an angle you’re not accustomed to. (Get yourself fully rested and balanced, and your normal perspective will return.)

    Perchance are your finding yourself less idealistic, and more pragmatic?

    In flux… from what I see, you’ve done a decent job getting to 26 from 18… so stop, get your perspective back, pick a direction, go. Trust yourself. You’re doing good.

  • Aziza

    Allison Mack- evolving into a better person everyday of her life. I’m happy for you. Keep it real.

    I’m 23 and I’m going through what I consider to be a big change in my life- “Perception Overdrive.”. Never before have I wanted to research about issues so much in my life- it’s my period of scepticism, of finding out where the truth lies and just gathering information from scratch feels amazing. I’m trying to be less impulsive, more impartial than I am and to never second guess myself again.

    And now I’m going to watch Bolt again. awww. cute doggie. :)

  • Eduardo

    So you are some kind of night creature because you like to write in the night , so am I , in fact some of my friends are in a strange group we made from monsters they say im a warewolf (they named me Eddie Wulf ) so its kind of fun because we have a zombie a vampire and a monster formed by the bite of the three of us .

    well that is just like nothing to do with the topic of the blog but its for making you one of our night monsters.

    ah and calm down this is just a part of everyone’s life, well actualy many people cant know themselves so you are lucky be happy .

  • Eduardo

    oh so what kind of monster you like the most ?

    Eddie Wulf. ^-^

  • Dick B

    26. Hmm. Albert Einstein published his Special Theory of Evolution when he was 26. It seems to be a good year.

  • Steve H

    Guess, you must never stop thinking like that. The day you do you, it could be because others are thinking for you!!

    The fact you are means you are creating your own destiny and guidng yourself along the way – so important in life no matter how old you are.

    Not bad Mack – love your blog

  • Brittany

    Hey Allison! I love how you called yourself Mack! You’re grwoing so much and you seem to be pulling everything into place! Congrats!! I can’t wait for the day I can do that myself. I hope you’re enjoying your time in Prague! Can’t wait to see those videos!!!!
    Much love & support,
    BrittanyXOXOXOXO