Sometimes the potency you need to help the way you want to help develops during the process of helping. One of my favorite movies is “A New Leaf” where a weak nothing of a man becomes a strong, motivated person through helping someone even less capable (but with a more loving heart than his) … even though his purpose is not noble and his goal is to continue to be the same useless person he once was.

To be honest, the highest priority thing that I seek to accomplish is to make sure that somehow, when I leave this world, I don’t leave a mess or end my days as a burden to anyone. I might not think this is my priority but actions speak louder than conscious words sometimes and I work hardest at being helpful and responsible — keeping my Karma tally on the plus side.

In my head though, I would like to get my movie made. For the first 30 years of my life I invented things that either already existed without knowing they existed or invented things that were ignored until someone else marketed them. To clarify something I just said, inventing something that already exists is looked at by many people as being stupid. But if the person who invented something first is considered smart, clever and/or innovative, then why is someone who independently but later came up with the same thing without any knowledge of the invention existing be considered any less smart, clever and/or innovative? Anyway, I finally got the knack of being first and have probably been awarded a couple dozen patents now … I lost count and they don’t matter because they are all pretty stupid, insignificant things … and patents are used as weapons these days to keep competitors from using good and logical approaches to solving problems. Good ideas are mean to be used and not hoarded (“It’s MINE and you CAN’T have it! It’s a totally anti-evolutionary process and I participate in it).

So, as an idea person with an excellent track record of knowing what will work and won’t work, I have an idea for a movie that will someday be made when someone who has contacts who believe in him or her comes up with the idea. It is bound to happen. Selfishly, I want to be the one that gets the idea out there first. I think that would give me something to be proud of. It would be something that I could tell people that I created and have them not believe me because I am too ordinary a person to come up with something extra-ordinary … and that is a back handed complement. Maybe it’s not meant to be, but I still hope. All it takes is the right word in the right ear at the right time.

About wanting many things.

My wife often spends hours telling me what she wants done that day. Invariably, the description of the work is so overwhelming that we are both exhausted after she has finished describing all she wants … then we both go and take a nap and nothing at all gets done. Maybe this is an example of the “active laziness” you described.

Also, there is a certain way that people bid for immortality. They say “I can’t die until I pay off my debts” and express their desire to live forever by piling up more debt than they could ever repay. Likewise, some people make lists of all the things they want to do in their life … and plan far more than they could possibly do (again as an expression of wanting to live forever). But often, planning too big leads to getting nothing accomplished.

In some ways, your adventure in Prague seems to be a way of forcing yourself to get done things you wanted to do. Instead of writing a play and not casting it or getting a theater until the play was scripted and scored, you (as a group) made commitments to put on a play that didn’t exist — commitments so deep that you would feel mortified if you weren’t able to achieve everything you promised yourself and each other. You created a pressure cooker to jump into in order to force yourself to produce something that you may have felt would never happen otherwise. This is just speculation on my part.

Now to get to what I meant to say in this post. I noticed something when I made a list of what I wanted or needed. If I sent an e-mail listing 3 pieces of information I needed, I would get a reply with only one thing from the list and the feeling that the person who I had asked felt that they had given me everything I asked for. The feeling usually proved correct and the one thing in three that I got was the least of what I needed. It’s like going into a restaurant and ordering a steak, baked potatoe, salad and “… oh yeah, bring me some A1 sauce” … and getting ONLY the A1 sauce. This kind of thing happened to me so regularly that I decided to think hard and decide what I really want or need the most before I ask forsomething and only ask for ONE thing at a time. If I get ignored, I get ignored … but I don’t get the A1 sauce without anything to put it on. I even take this same approach to prayer. I have decided what I want most that only God can grant me and that is the only thing I ever ask for me from Him. I ask for many things for others, but for myself, I limit myself to one. Has this approach worked for me? Not really. But it is a lot less frustrating than getting the least item that I ask for.

Oh, one thing I asked for and got that I never expected. I left one topic with some of my writing on it on the forum. I decided I wouldn’t post any more of my fictions on the forum unless I got at least 400 views on that topic. I now have over 2500 views on that topic and over 2500 additional views total on all the fiction topics I created since I returned to the forum.

I look forward to seeing what you do create. I’m sure it will be excellent.

I find it admiring what you want to do with your talent and how I wished that other people , actors and actresses like you, would think the same way and have the same goal as you. You see acting as a way to change the world and I find it admiring!

LOVED the video! BTW it was awesomely animated and it’s such an awesome way of storytelling!

Allison, you want to be a Producer, I think that job would suit you very well.

Maybe you should try to branch out of the restrictions being an actor gives you.

Test yourself, challenge yourself.

You want to be creative, then allow you to do something other then acting, and while your Smallville Schedule may be in the way of that, perhaps you could do a compromise.

You’ve directed an episode of Smallville, why not ask the Producers if you could write an episode to express your creativity and push the characters to new lengths in your mind. It would be the perfect starting point in finding out which direction you should take in life.

You know, there is a time and a season for every purpose under heaven…

I use to get overwhelmed allot too. You have so many REAL dreams, plans, desires, all led by strong conviciton of something you feel you must complete in your life time. Some how they each feel so strong/ fresh, that you don’t know what to do first, or next, or so on and so forth…

I just learned that somethings you will accomplish threw those that you pour yourself into, & others you will fulfill in certain time frames of your life.

It’s almost like you learn to read the seasons of your life that your in. which one of those things in your heart will fall into place, or which one you will just fall into/ walk into. It will just happen!

In the mean time, it’s cool to be aware of yourself and think about the future, but don’t get all caught up in the future that you miss out on the present! [zoom out]

Live, Laugh, Love!

Go aborb/ replenish!

Hi Allison.
I received the DVD of the film YOU today.
A beautiful love story.
Allison , you are amazing with your wonderful smile.
A film to see and review.
The relation father daughter is very charming and realistic.
Allison, since you write on your blog, you think more than before and you ask many questions about the meaning of life.
Interpret an inspirational character who gives hope will give you great satisfaction. I can not wait to see you in your new film where your character will rediscover the light.
Our quality of life through a better balance between speed and slowness.
And if a good use of the slowness could make our lives richer and more productive?
Have a good day.
Bye
Claude.

Old Prague is an amazing place, just the thing for contemplation and inspiration.

Just relax, take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, thinking up wild and crazy ideas for future projects should be the most FUN part of any project…what if we did this, how about if this could happen, imagine trying this…

I’m so glad to read you are enjoying your time and are bursting with so much creative energy.

Maybe art is our distorted mirror on life? It can be silly and serious, question, comfort, make us laugh, make us cry, thrill us, frighten us, challange and staedy our own journey…

Us audience members are the lucky ones , we get to just sit down and enjoy the show!

Good luck and keep having fun Allison.

Hi Allison,

I guess this is the tragedy of our epoch. We rush through our life thinking and wanting, but forget to take some time. The consequence is that we finally lose or miss a lot of things while living such a fast life. To take the time gives you much more than just the chance to think about some creative ideas… it gives you a fuller life.

take care,
Silvia

Hahahahhahhahahaha you are soo funny allison! I read all time your journal. It is interest and funny and smart. hehehe it is amazing to push help me think anyting possible and get my goal. I hope you have good time in prague. Do you have boyfriend or husband?

Hi Allison
Just relax and soak up the moment.
sweet video, it reminded me of Ardman animation ‘Creature Comforts’. Good luck with the show and enjoy the rest of your time in Prague!

How do you do, Alli?

I wish you the best!!! I hope you can find concentration to think about and generate new ideas!!!!!

Enjoy Prague!!!!

A huge hug!!!!!

Your Argentinian fan, Ornella.

enjoy your time in Prague Allison.

Relax, soak up the moment like rays of sunlight.

Right now, just enjoy your time in Prague. Then, when you are back home, think about you want to do with your post-Smallville career, and I’m sure you will make the right choice for you

cute vid- I like the Shark.