What Now?

I have recently taken a few steps back from acting. 2011 was really about concluding a huge chapter of my life, a chapter filled with rainy days in Vancouver, strange aliens from another galaxy, more make-up than I would ever wear on a normal day, and consistently responding to a name that was not my own.

The final day of filming on Smallville felt so strange. Strange, in that it was no different than any other day. There was no special send off, no signs, no fireworks, just a box of pictures, a few cards, and a closed trailer door. The end of ten years was so simple, unassuming. But after packing my bags, turning over the keys to my loft, and boarding a plane for NYC I accepted the finality of it all. It was truly done. What now?

I was stuck on that question. “What now?” It haunted me. And it seemed to be the first line of all pleasantries. I would see an old friend: “Hey you! So. . .what now?” Give an interview: “So, Allison. . .Smallville is in the can. . .what now?” Even my big brother, in his ever so loving and protective way, put his arm around me and said, encouragingly, “What now? I mean, where do you go from here?” Face to face with old friends, random journalists, and one loving big brother, I had no answer. I’m talking serious crickets.

I expressed this concern, this incredible feeling of loss and lack of direction to a dear friend and mentor of mine, Keith Raniere. He asked if I had ever thought about taking a little time away from acting to see what I would find. He inquired about times in my life when I did not work, times when I didn’t attach myself to the title “Allison Mack, Actress” and was just plain, simple, me. On top of being a powerful, actualized character called Chloe Sullivan for the better part of my twenties, I spent fifteen years prior to Smallville being different daughters, best friends, girlfriends, and troubled teens. I have gone from one wardrobe office to another director’s chair my whole life.

As wonderful as all these characters were, and are, they are not actually me. None of them have the unique habit of swearing like a sailor (the f-bomb is my favorite word, especially when coupled with “dude”), peeing in front of friends (that’s how you know you have been accepted into my close circle), and laughing like a drunken opera singer being goosed. There is a definitive woman behind the mask of all the others, but she has been so ignored, so undervalued for most of my life that if I am not playing someone else’s story I feel incredibly shallow in my own. I have almost no memory of myself without the identity of “actress.” How strange.

So I decided to take Keith’s advice and give myself some time to build the character of me. The actual me. I had no idea what this would entail, but I wanted to give it a shot. A sense of self sounded like a good thing. I could definitely use some of that.

I have always wanted to change things in the world. Wanted to be a woman that helps to redefine how all women think and feel about themselves. I have wanted to be a superhero in my own right, “Be the change I want to see in the world” (thanks Gandhi) and help others do the same. Interestingly enough this desire can only be actualized from the inside out. No amount of make-up, hair, lights, or script lines can get me the inner strength and fortitude necessary for achieving such goals. I have to build it in myself. There is no faking this.

So, cut to me, three months later. I’m on a panel at a conference and someone from the audience asks me “What now?”. . . crickets. . . bastards. . .still no answer. And now. . . without Chloe, no alter ego, no pre-written snarky lines to answer those daunting questions for me.

What do I have to offer now? I am not providing any sort of service, not fulfilling any job title. So then what am I doing? And, still, with that same damn question present, “what now”?

Terrifying.

It turns out Keith asked me to look at the one area of my life I felt most insecure. I felt as though I had ripped the very foundation out from under myself and I felt paralyzed. Where was I supposed to go from here? Years of transforming the nods of approval that used to come from behind the camera into nods of love and affirmation. I grew up like an Olympic gymnast looking for her score cards. “And it’s a 10!!! The crowd goes wild!!!! She has permission to continue to exist!!” Which is exactly why I now want to prove to myself that I am alive without the applause. I am worthy without the curtain call. I want to trust I am still here without an audience.

Coming up to my second spring in NYC, it has been almost one full year without score cards, without nods of approval, without a perfect wardrobe and flawless make-up. I am learning to approve of myself in a different format, for a different reason. Instead of filling my time with kryptonite and super human abilities, I am now writing for my blog, potential books, and magazine articles, and singing, lots and lots of singing. And I have found a passion project, something I believe will change and nurture the world while changing and nurturing me in the process: I am working with an incredible new women’s organization, Jness. And through that work I am discovering things about myself I had no idea existed before. All these things were living in the shadow of who I thought I was, who I thought I should be. Now wouldn’t it have been great if the woman behind the curtain was more together, more elegant and consistent than before. But instead I get all this newness. A baby giraffe standing for the first time. On ice. What do I do with this?

And I suppose that is the question of the hour. Instead of focusing on “what now?” maybe I need to shift my focus. Instead of focusing so much on accomplishment I could instead explore.

Maybe my life isn’t intended to consist of job, applause, rinse, repeat, job, applause, rinse, repeat. Maybe this momentary pause in the pattern is about wonder, the unknown, and expansive curiosity.

And maybe, just maybe, those crickets are serenading in perfect harmony. And if I just listen I will learn to sing along.

← Full Stop Face to Face →

Maldwyn Dobbs

Hello Allison. I really enjoy your intelligent writing. I wish i had a £1 for every time i feel exactly the way you feel right now. My suggestion to you;(if it matters at all) is that you do exactly what your mind and feelings are determining you to do. So, if you feel like just being yourself, then just do that. Let’s face it you’ve worked really hard for a lot of years so a rest might just give you the desire to devote yourself to a project that you know will bring you pleasure and an honest days pay. I wish you great good-luck on your desire for contentment and happiness.
Roniedee

WRITER?
Amara

Allison I am saying this as someone who has been a fan of yours for years even with your work prior to Smallville. You seemed so much happier when you were acting. You really should go back to acting, you are fantastic at it, and there is so much to explore in acting. I know it is hard to move on from being on one show for 10 years. Yes it is time to move on, but not from acting. Find another show that interest you whether it be Broadway or another television show. Raniere and jness are holding you back from truly shining, please do not fall into the Scientology type cult stuff, you are better then that. If you need someone to talk to, go be with your family or better yet go back to Vancouver were your true friends are.
http://www.manton.karoo.net/index2.html 3tesla

“All these things were living in the shadow of who I thought I was, who I thought I should be.”

That is a very poetic and insightful metaphor (and inspirational too!). Reading your prose really is a joy!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=517716059 Rick Cole

Hiya Allison,

Not totally sure if you actually read the comments on your blog or not but I thought I would share with you the blog post I’ve written after reading this post of yours. It can be found here — http://www.tonyotimes.com/25/post/2012/03/the-question-of-what-now-rick.html — hopefully you won’t mind my making reference to yourself or this blog.

I hope all is well with yourself and may whatever divine being you may believe in bless you (etc. etc. and so forth).
Icthacker

Hmm…as humans we are all Purpose driven, it’s how God made us, but our purpose is never our identity. The Purpose that we contain and strive to fulfill, is simply what we do-not who we are.

Who you are has nothing to do with your current project, because we all do things in different seasons under the sun.
Who we are is more about our essence. We are Body, Soul, and Spirit, as a whole it is who we are.

The body is of course a mere container of us. Our soul is made up of our mind, will and emotions. Our spirit is of course the core of who we really are. We are Spiritual beings, our very essence.

The activities we do may express our personality interest to gain knowledge and understanding, but activities are just that-activities.

To me, it just sounds like a season of personal growth, reconnecting with your inner-self/being in order to evolve. We all have to filter and grow. Purpose is always renewed and enriched, or discovered during this time!

Maybe this time when someone asks you, “What now..?” you can say, “Its time build the Character named Allison Mack.”
- http://twitter.com/jhamilton_hall James Hall
  
  Allison,
  
  I like the way Icthacker says: “The body is of course a mere container of us.” Which goes back to that 1935 story I mentioned by Harry Bates.
  
  The body may be a mere container, but like the 1935 Bates story asks (if you have read it), “How many us-es are included in our ‘bodies”? I suspect that you, Allison, are becoming acutely aware of that very question. Someone mentioned that you have become a Vegan. I for one, may swear-off meat, eggs, and leather; but though milk products may be exploitative of our bovine cousins, there certainly is nothing wrong in our consuming of those products. It’s just that cousin Bessy should be allowed to retire to the pastures and live out her life naturally.
  
  Congrats if it’s true that you have chosen to eat lower on the food-chain, as all humans should, now that we have the information and means. Love Ya!
Ponthokkanc

Hi Alison,
I have been a huge fan since Smallville’s first season I think your awesome! Right now I’m in college and don’t know whether to go into acting, singing, performing or science. If I were ever to do acting I would say you inspired me. Keep doing what you love and you will never have to look for what next it will come naturally. Smallville was my favorite TV show of time and I will miss your gifted stage presence you brought to TV! Congrats on everything!!!
B.W

“I honestly would think you were smarter than this. Why in the hell would you put your trust in Keith Raniere and a group such as Jness. I’ve done fine without mentors because they just mess with your head, at the end you have to make choices on your own. I have been thru many things in my life that has gotten me down, but i have always stood up to the plate emerging victorious over it. Be a leader and not follower to a con artist who wants nothing but to brain wash you. I know people look up to you, see you as some sort of remodel, despite you never asked to be any of those. But did you stop to think at least what your life is leading into? what happens when your left broken? what happens when someone like Keith Raniere decides to abandon you when your doing certain things that he maynot not like. You have friends and family in your life… be greatful you have them while you can or you’ll regret it if you neglect them over a cult that doesn’t really give a dam about you or the people close to you. There justmooching off your celebrity status to make you feel like you matter but in reality it isn’t like that at all, you say you want to be a Superhero right? well do you think ( Superman) (Wonder woman) ( and yes even Batman) Would want to join some cult and let themselfs resort to this? no they wouldn’t and why? because there not cowards… and your no coward Allison. It’s okay to qustion what’s next in your life, but if your not here one hundred percent, or you need to walk away and do something else. Be your own Superhero first before you decide to be someone’s superhero, the people i have admired have made mistakes but there human. I maynot be a fan of your’s… but i know some people who are. If this what you feel is best for people solving there problems by letting themselfs be suckered into a moron who cares nothing for you, leaving low and dry, when you have nothing to show for.
- Bouroux
  
  She has the opportunity to take advice to great actresses who lived the same feeling in the pass, take advice to the most important woman in your life, your mother.
  Keith use yours insecurities to influence you. You really want to replace Allison Mack the actress by Allison Mack the community girl who lives with the rules of the leader.
  Where the Allison who adored ice creem? You are now vegan.
  Stay open to the oprnuties of acting. I am sure you miss a lot of interesting projects.
  Yours co stars, producers and directors said you are an amazing actress. It’s you.
  If you want to grow up, don’t be follow by a mentor all the time.
  It’s your life, when you live in a community, you abandon a part of your liberty.
  Your fans want to see you on screen to be inspire by your character. Continue to be a legendary woman by your acting.
Bouroux

You have the opportunity to take advices to great actresses who lived the same feeling in the pass, take advice to the most important woman in your life, your mother.
Keith use yours insecurities to influence you. You really want to replace Allison Mack the actress by Allison Mack the community girl who lives with the rules of the leader.
Where the Allison who adored ice creem? You are now vegan.
Stay open to the oprnuties of acting. I am sure you miss a lot of interesting projects.
Yours co stars, producers and directors said you are an amazing actress. It’s you.
If you want to grow up, don’t be follow by a mentor all the time.
It’s your life, when you live in a community, you abandon a part of your liberty.
Your fans want to see you on screen to be inspire by your character. Continue to be a legendary woman by your acting.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Gianni-Ballerini/100003295617986 Gianni Ballerini

you are just d#mn awesome! I like the way YOU are.. i don’t know U in person, but you say a lot through your words, and your real you is standing proud in every single word you write. You are not a title, you are Ally, that friend who laugh harder then a drunk opera singer, and it can swear the ABC at the same time! We love you for who you already ARE.
Eleanor

Allison, you’re a talented beautiful woman but as Bob Dylan says “Don’t follow leaders…watch your parking meters.”

From my own experience: never put all your eggs in one basket. Have a multiplicity of mentors, not just one. A healthy spoonful of cynicism now & then keeps your vision clear. And beware of the snake oil peddlers, who talk a good game while lining their wallets.
Layo

You are special
Layo

You are special
Layo

You are special
MAC

All i’m hearing is abunch of nonsense. I’m mean seriously you need a some mentor to hold your hand? look i get you just got off from a show but let’s be real here about NXIVM. I’ve heard very upsetting enough to know that there bad news to get involve with. “Either your here one hundred percent, or you need to walk away, the choice is your’s to be a leader not some poor sucker who wiill be left in the dust.” When NXIVM find’s no use for you. Is that the kind of message your sending to your fans? then i’m sorry i don’t support your choice in this… you may deleted it or think nothing of it. I can careless but i know at some point you’ll read my post. I used to think gee you have the perfect life that maybe i was wrong about you, but when comes down to it i just pity you now. Sorry Mack if you want to be a savior to the world then save yourself before you decide to be some savior, nobody asked you to solve our problems so don’t speak for other Women… you don’t know what they want or what thet need, just do us all a favor grow up already for Fuck stake!
The honest one

After I read this that a friend gave me just lost it honestly. I’m a fan of you until I found out you were in some cult and out drinking all the time. Do you really need some wannabe friend saying that you look good, oh yes Allison do this or not do that. What are you some robot that needs someone to always tell you what to do. Hello wake up girl and be you OWN person. I bet you can find some job out there for you. Atleast the others from Smallville are trying to move on yes maybe not the parts they are hoping to do but atleast their face is out there still. Don’t turn away now just try something new because it never hards. You just learn from things were all human right? So why not try something new. I believe you should get out of this cult before some horrible happens to your life or health. Look you have to save yourself and think about yourself before others and the world. Yes you were in a tv show for 7 years doesn’t mean you just stop believing and give up just hang up the towel like that. There are people fighting out there to be in your place just to get on tv or be in shows/movies. You are alright in the door why close it? You got your family and friends why do you need some cult for? Honestly your family is the best to turn to when you are down or not sure where to go in your life. Don’t turn to people that want to use or control your life for you. There is still time to turn back and get out be your life better again just you need to call the shots no one else. I honestly don’t care if you end up deleting my post because you don’t like what I say but just know that you lost a fan.
MAC

I liked what The Honest one just said. The truth may hurt like a Bitch, but it’s so dam true and you Mam have lost two fans. ( you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villan.)
emotiveart

Hey Allison,
I totally disagree with the people that said to not listen to your friend Keith’s advice and that he is in some sort of a cult. Absurd!

You are taking the time to search for what is right for you. Some people just fall into complacency, convenience and the easy route. I admire you for searching for substance. I’m sure you will find it, whatever it is, in time.

I hope to find a girl like you that can be a part of my life. The search is on.

Happy Sunday,
Mike
- Guest
  
  Yeah. Listen to the advice of a serial sexual exploiter of underage girls.
Stefan

It’s interesting to understand how a Girl growing up with acting until now works. It seems not easy and I wish for you that you will find your way and a balance between your life and acting; because you’re really good in acting and hope to see you soon in some new projects.
Btw: your writing is so good, maybe because I was interested in it or because you are just excellent. But for me it’s very unusual to read a hole story like this in not my native language even in my… Anyway, thanks for that! And when you’re going to finish your book, I’ll buy it!
Ben lives on

Give your soul to the devil and you’ll dance forever.
Good Luck with that Raniere fellow
Talea

Allison, you’re one of my favourite actresses, but you have a very valid point. How do we define ourselves? And should we define ourselves by what we do in life? I think it’s wonderful and brave that you’re taking this time to take a look at yourself.
Yao

Loved your words.
Guest

I understand what you are going though. I have been where you are. I was given this poem when I was young. I hope that it helps you as it helps me. It is called The Weaver.
My life is but a weaving
Between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.
Oftimes he weaveth sorrow,
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I, the underside.
Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And Explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the Pattern He has planned.
- Beth
  
  That’s so beautiful
  I love it!
Beth

I hope you realise we don’t all look at you and only see Chloe Sullivan or any other character you’ve played. Don’t know about everyone else but I know I see you first and foremost for who you actually are x
http://latetothpartyhp.livejournal.com/ Stephanie

Lovely Allison –

A time for everything under the sun. Work and rest. Sometimes creativity and joy require time and space and sometimes they require heat and pressure. We’ll all spend the rest of our lives figuring out that balance. I know you’ll figure it out too.
Steveerbyx

When you disappear for awhile don’t forget Steve I love you and miss you,sis
Rix

Allison you are an inspiration, as cliche as it sounds; follow your heart and LIVE in every moment (most people watch their life from the sidelines, trying to overanalyse themselves and run out of time to actually live).

Life is a journey with no real destination – wherever you end up, there will always be a new adventure.

May God bless the next chapter in your life. Thank you for bringing Chloe to our lives – you’ve contributed to a character which will echo greatness in a generation of Superman fans.
Jimmy Condor

Love you Allison!!
I’m delighted about the woman you are even without cameras and those things… you are unique Allison =)
http://twitter.com/jhamilton_hall James Hall

Allison in slated to return to TV in ‘Wilfred’ Season 2 this summer. http://www.craveonline.com/tv/articles/185131-allison-mack-returns-to-tv-in-wilfred-season-2 She will be Ryan’s (Elijah Wood) new love interest.
- Zsolti
  
  Woohoo! What a brilliant news! I can’t wait to see Allison again!
- http://twitter.com/Jon_Mills Jon Mills
  
  Well there we go, she did say she was only stepping back not quitting. If you have only done this since you was 4 can you imagine doing much else, it’s in her blood
  
  Cosmic irony that elijah was her crush when she was younger and now she will act along side him. Love is in the air.
  
  I must say its weird all us talking about her on here and not too her, its creeping me out lol
  
  But she is intriguing.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=201304280 Omid Bazaei

Good shit Allison. Is it tough living in the shadow of Smallville sometimes?
http://www.honeytrapmovie.webs.com/ Russ

First time here, but had to come. Just drawn. Very compelling writing and heartfelt dedication to a big part of ones’ life. Could or would most people expose themselves so fully, so searchingly?
Actually, this is beautifully written. By the time I got to the end I didn’t want to stop. Which means there is page turning potential. Just a thought.
In the meantime, the little girl, grown up with amazing acting powers has a grand future ahead. difficult to see, but its there in the making. I became engrossed in the Smallville series in the UK after the series had finished. No time to watch TV! So now I find time to watch the DVDs… Acting directing and writing… Like a dream come true. And now what? The future – its all yours. Have a great one:-) all the best Russ Gray @ http://silvergreyfilms.blogspot.com/?v=0 and
http://www.honeytrapmovie.webs.com/
http://twitter.com/JazziJess3 Jessica Swinehart

I really enjoyed reading that. it was inspiring to me and i know your on the right path and u will get where u want to be. i know you can do alot of good in this world. I believe in you
HomelyPoet

Ruminating upon the idiopathies that are the human condition again, Miss Mack?
Philosophia perennis?

Being myself a big brother, I too ask with Shannon:
With the world at your door, what do you do?
With the wind at your back, where shall you sail?
With the sun on your face, would you be discomfit?
With the road laid ahead, how will you requite?

As to the haunting question?
The simple answer:
L’Chaim.
To Life.

And may you never forget that what is worth remembering,
Or remember that which is best forgot.
CFI_Guy

What a great post. Poignant and well-timed, at least in my case. Just lost my job after five years. Not too terribly upset; I would have left within a year in any case, and as luck would have it, I departed with a silver parachute. So, it’s an opportunity not to squander. I’ve tried changing careers in the past; didn’t quite work out as I’d have imagined, yet I would do that all over again. This time around, I’m taking a different approach and am pretty excited by it.

Thanks for sharing your fears, doubts and worries. It’s a gift, and it’s nice when a kindred spirit articulates what we’ve been feeling and thinking, but haven’t been able to express.
jimmy

All you can do is live your life as best as you can . Your biggest critic will be yourself .
BOUROUX

The news of your casting in Wilfred have created an amazing buzz on the net. I am very happy that you have the chance to play the love interest of Ryan ( Elijah). It’s a new challenge, a new character, an occasion to meet new inspiring peoples.
Take care of you. Thanks
http://www.facebook.com/jemima.holland Jemima Holland

I really enjoyed reading this it was realistic and interesting. I’ve always wondered if people in the acting industry lose their sense of self a bit from acting as so many other people. It sounds like you are finding some great purposes and things to do with your life now
Jmancini86

Allison,
My husband and I are 44 and our son is 11. We started watching Smallville on year ago and have almost finished season 10. I just wanted to tell you how much we have loved you and the show.My son is a huge comic book collector and lover of all things Superhero. I just wanted to say that I love your writing style. And…. that life sure goes fast after 30. I went from teaching 4th grade to having an autistic child -followed by a normal child 5 years later.I homeschool both now. My point here is you really have no idea what the future holds.We hope you still act. We are already missing you . Jeannna from SC
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=732451641 John Taylor

Allison I just wanted to tell you what a big fan I am of your work, I liked your work before Smallville but that just set it in stone. I am looking forward to seeing what is in store for you I know you have great things in your future. I know you are kind of a poetry fan which i guess means we have something in common, the following are a couple that I have written I just wanted to see what you th…ought of them. I wrote the first one somewhere in the middle of season 8 of Smallville it’s true we do all need something or someone to look to when the road gets rough every one is some ones hero
I also checked out wild ducks flying backward its AMAZING I am a big fan of Robert Frost and Henry David Thoreau for the more edgy stuff though I always go to Edgar Allen Poe

The Watchtower
A drifter walks the lonely road as darkness covers the sky, his life shattered from the choices he has made, though the road ahead will be paved with anything but success, through the darkness his stare lands on a single ray of light burning in the darkness and in that moment for the first time his heart feels at ease and he knows this beacon will always be with him to lead the way in the darkness.

The Journey

I stand here surrounded by the darkness haunted by my past not knowing what lies ahead unable to return from where I came for those bridges were burned many years ago and so I start a new journey not knowing where it will lead but taking one step at a time knowing that no matter how dark the night may seem if I look to God a new day will dawn and bring with it another chance for a bright future

Country Angel
I see her walking down these old country roads wearing an old t shirt and dust covered jeans her golden hair shines in the morning sun and she comes closer I become lost in her soft brown eyes and as she passes she softly smiles and with this simple gesture reminds me of that is good and right and pure And though you may not believe I will know in my heart God has sent me a country angel
Kendra

Finding oneself is a difficult and ongoing journey, for actors and non actors alike. Way to go, Allison, you’re well on your way.
http://twitter.com/FerhAlmeida Fernandes

Magnifico always knew you had many talents, although a large
actress, have a great blog that I always try to upgrade me know off the lights and away from the Cameras. I think Smallville was great for you. I believe that their qualities and their self-esteem make a difference in our world. Battle for consiguir
world a “better” and learn everything you write and put on the blog, it will be for someone who needs. People saberam that you try to make the world more Beautiful.
Congratulations for what you do off-camera in personal life.

I do not want to be boring, but know what it do on earth
for the good of my neighbor and it be a mirror for other people
well as the great philosopher Socrates and Jesus Christ the “Redeemer”
I know that these two “people” makes many people are better every day.
I know that the “best” is always on our side so we have to use the “best”
as tools to help others. Hugs!!
Melanie from the Philippines

Allison before I read this, I also asked same question to my self after losing a job after 12 years and leaving friends behind was the most saddened part. It’s hard to start again but using those tools you had, experiences you can start to walk again Same feeling when Smallville had ended, I am there watching you from day one to 2011 until now I am dreaming that there should be Smallville sequel, this time about Clark, Lois, Lana, Chloe and Oliver’s life and how to save the world. Well like you I wanted to change the world by doing simple things.. I missed Smallville so much.. Today I was stuck in Criminal minds and Chuck. Chuck discontinued last Feb. 2012, again felt the same feeling.. Anyway whatever you do, I am here, we are here to support you in whatever we can
Mr_mhmmed

For the most amazing and wonderful daughter of Eve you are not stuck as you think believe me, maybe you feel like you have no character but you have, maybe you can’t see it, but you have it. And if you feel that the character of Chloe Sullivan consumed the best years of your life, then forgive you are wrong. I am 20 years old but my live here gain me the experience of 30 years old man, before I saw Small ville, I was sure there is nothing good in this life because what I suffered from. My life was exactly like a robot life (wake up…go to school…go to work…go to bed) day after day nothing change. I had to work since I was 11 years old to help my family, my work made me the worst student in my class and I felt like I am losing everything, my childhood, the best years of human life I was hopeless and miserable. Then I saw Small ville…I saw you and how honest you are. Now you asking, how did I know that? Actually, from your eyes, your beautiful eyes, your eyes were like the gate to your soul, your pure and honest soul. Therefore, when I saw that I start to open again to life. I watched Small ville just for you and to know more about you, and when I realized their something good in life, I started to change my own life; I organized my time and became a good student and better worker. I am from Egypt exactly from the poorest towns in Egypt and my language is Arabic not English and so is my education. However, when you changed my life, I needed to thank you so I learn English by watching Small ville and reading books. Maybe you will not be able to understand this massage, because it is full with mistakes. However, I became the man I am now because of you, now I am in university and I am the only one who knows other language. All that because of you Allison Mack you are my SUPERHERO and for that THANK YOU. I hope you get this…
- Brian Poindexter
  
  I would assume the sky is the limit for one allison mack step back take a breath and move straight ahead dont look back dont regret each day each moment was a piece of your legacy we only get one chance so make no one forgets allison mack i sure wont it was a pleasure to watch u on smallville miss the show and u but thanks. For the memories i think you will be just fine on the road ahead
- http://www.facebook.com/runningice Jacob Laferriere
  
  you are who you are and will always be the way you are, be thankful for what you do have. You are perfect just the way you are and taking away the mask to live as you Alison, you will find what your good at and where to go next as being you. God bless
Ros Carslaw

Hey Allison,

dont underestimate just how intense the last ten years of your life have been, so give yourself time to breath, the space to fill out your thoughts and dreams. Then before you know it you will be some place else making that amazing impression and singing your songs. Life is just amazing and everything in it; even the tough times. What a gift we all have!
Take care and enjoy this wonderful journey.
Thomas_D

Find a nice, normal, guy outside of the business and even NYC for that matter. You need someone to keep you grounded and have a normal life. This is something you need OUTSIDE of singing, or Jness, or anything else like that. Not that their not good and positive things in your life…. because, let’s face it – you have a very good singing voice and Jness is a great cause. But do you want singing to be your new identity taking the place of Chloe?

Having a normal, grounded life outside of the business allows you to have things, such as singing or Jness, as activities, interests, hobbies, or even a job. But that doesn’t define you. If one of those falls through, or you decide not to pursue singing in the future, fine… but you won’t be stuck with an identity crisis.

Yes, I know it’s not just simple to meet a guy, but just start looking in different places. Keep focusing on singing, because again – you’re great at it. But don’t let it define you. Do things you enjoy, but don’t make it your identity. And one suggestion? You’ve got a huge following in the comic world. Don’t just toss that aside. Ever consider doing more voice acting? Look at what Andrea Ramano has done for Kevin Conroy. Comic and superhero fans are extremely loyal, so keep that in mind in the future.
- http://twitter.com/jhamilton_hall James Hall
  
  I agree, more voice work is certain to please many fans.
Dream Walker

First of all… Hey Allison!

Wow, im ashamed to admit, it has been at least a year since i last read Youre posts/blog. I know..sowwy. Truth of the matter is, my decisions have led me to exactly same point. Ive tried and tried so hard for “a goal” that on the way i actually lost “me”. I worked 7 days a week for 150 days in row non-stop(no – really -,-), i tried to buy home, create family etc etc…
What was inevitable… it all blew up in my face. Once again im at crossroads – like never before, with the burdeon of past mistakes, uncertanty of future and question of “who have i become? is this really me?”
Im prolly not the first nor the last person to get caught up in my own ways so obsessivly that You actually lose Youre aim.
This has brings me to Youre post – sounds like cliche, but im exactly thinking the same… who am i… where to go i from here? Its really hard to backtrack through fast-paced short-term past to remember who i was “before”.
Its said, events we go through our lives define us who we are, the actions we take, the consequences we face.
Ive accepted the consequences, now im focusing myself on not accepting any or all negative feelings my past has
to offer atm. “Think, feel – achieve” is a phrase i go by now… Learn from the lessons, accept em, but dont let them bring You down – last im still working on at it well take me prolly quite a while to process everything but like Bear Grylls says, You have to setup yourself small bite-size goals in order to reach big ones, so You wont get lost on the way – so thats why im focusing myself atm.
Im rediscovering who i am… Ghandi-s “Be the change You want to see in the world” really applies here. Also from movie “Vanilla Sky” good quote states “Every passing minute is a another chance to turn it all around” The Journey of life is so amazing, whenever we get swept away/beat down we get up and keep going… its amazing. Like bill Hicks said

“The World is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real, because that’s how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round, and it has thrills and chills and is very brightly colored, and it’s very loud. And it’s fun… for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they’ve begun to question, ‘Is this real, or is this just a ride?’, and other people have remembered, and they’ve come back to us and they say ‘Hey, don’t worry. Don’t be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.’ and we KILL THOSE PEOPLE.

“Shut him up! We have alot invested in this ride! SHUT HIM UP! Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account, and my family. This just has to be real.”

It’s just a ride.

But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that. You ever noticed that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn’t matter, because … It’s just a ride.

And we can change it anytime we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear wants you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead see all of us as one.

Here’s what we can do to change the world right now, to a better ride:

Take all that money we spent on weapons and defense each year and instead spend it feeding, clothing, and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and WE CAN EXPLORE SPACE, TOGETHER, BOTH INNER AND OUTER, forever … in peace.”

Just some thoughts of mine but… its really really REALLY great to read Youre posts again, also this “new” site is mighty handsome;) thank You for sharing, i hope Youre road to Yourself will be enlightening as im sure it surely will be

Until we read/write again, cheeri-os Xo Xo, DW
Trevor

We miss you Allison!! I can’t wait to see what your next project is.
Mr_mhmmed

It a great thing to take a few steps back from everything not just from acting, but in the same time you should know that, there is thousands of people who love, respect and need you.” I know I am”
Allison, Chloe Sullivan is not this all different from you, it is simply part of you. The part we get to see, as Chloe Sullivan, you give me hope.
Oh Allison, if you know how much it hurts me to read this post, I just want to say you should know that, every day and every night before I go to sleep I say one thing only one thing THANK YOU ALLISON MACK.
As I said before my language is Arabic not English, so maybe you will not be able to understand this massage, because it is full with mistakes but what I isn’t mistake that you are truly the most amazing, beautiful, strong and honest daughter of Eve ever born.
I hope you get this and if you ever want, a friend to talk with my email is mr_mhmmed@yahoo.com
Moreover, one more time THANK YOU ALLISON MACK for being my SUPER HERO.
Jamessonsantana

It’s amazing! Do not imagine this happening to people like you! I see a lot of courage for you to expose these things. I know you’ll get through it all with great success! I believe, believe in you! I’ll be following you here, always. Big kiss!

Jamesson
http://twitter.com/magyscorner ? magy r.

What an inspiring text. I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for, and what you didn’t know you were looking for. You’ve inspired and helped lots of people thanks to your performances -including me, and now I know we all wish we could return the favor. Go wherever you feel like going, let the crickets and the wind guide you. I sincerely hope you’ll find your way back to yourself or to your new self.

Take care,
magy.

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