by Allison Mack
I don’t know why but I am thinking about you.
I am thinking about the way you smell.
The way you move.
The way you pick your fingers and
Put chapstick on your lips after you spray your hair
I can’t say I feel resolved.
Maybe the ache is something you just get used to.
I just get used to.
Is that how it works?
Like when you paint a door over
Laying one color on top?
of the other?
over the first?
When was my first ache?
I’m not sure. Maybe it was my Dad.
Some strong male figure I could feel non-existent around.
I don’t know how to make things better.
I don’t know how to ease the hurt that flows through your veins…
But I do know the avoidance of pain does not manage it well.
Living your life for now is a must.
Feeling the end before the beginning is all too familiar for me.
The arch is the meat of it all.
So I miss you.
I suppose that is all a part of the arch. And I suppose wanting the end before I swim through the middle is another way to skip the meat.
I am a vegetarian.
But I’m not going to lie. I miss you.
I suppose that is a good thing.
I suppose that is the point.
I suppose that means it meant something.
I suppose that shows I have a heart.
I suppose many things.
I have things to do.
Things in my day.
Things I must attend to.
Things that take me away from the ache.
Into another part of the pig.
Sharpen my teeth and bite through the middle.