I was living in Vancouver playing Chloe Sullivan.
I was 25, successful, driven and feeling creatively desolate.
I didn’t realize this at the time… but I had entered into the barren wasteland of boredom and had allowed myself to relax into the ease of steady work.
I had been a part of Smallville for over 3 years. I played a fantastic role with an interesting arch on a show that was well received and loved. But I didn’t feel challenged and I felt myself beginning to shrivel.
I was like a dried up raisin or a piece of stale bread – a dessert in the middle of summer. Cracks ran along my sole and my skin was beginning to peel from the lack of nourishment and inspiration.
In the most entitled way, I longed for the days when I would have 4 auditions for 4 totally different characters in 4 totally different genres. The days when I was masterful at the art of a quick change while driving and blow drying my hair in the air vents of my car while sitting in traffic on Laurel Canyon.
Again, I didn’t realize this at the time… but that fight to work encased a decadent spread of creative challenges, opportunities and material.
I worked on getting work all day and spent my evenings seeing friends’ work, taking or teaching class and listening to music. I entertained myself and distracted myself from the pain constant rejections of “Not “something” enough” by writing poetry and seeing movies – spending time in art galleries and talking with artist friends. I sat in coffee shops and researched people for characters I was building for my scene study classes – I filled myself full up with all the nutrition I would need to be the healthiest and most competitive artist I could.
But because this was coupled with such desperation I didn’t notice. I didn’t see the reason I was so passionate was because I fueled that flame on a second by second basis. I was hungry and so I ate – a lot.
Then I booked a gig – those golden handcuffs locked me in and I got fat and lazy. I believed I didn’t need to work – didn’t need to worry about nurturing anything because I had made it.
I was wrong. And very quickly I spiraled.
Until my friends and I developed something called “Soul Food”.
Soul Food consisted of Sunday nights, white wine and lots of readings, writing, listenings and viewings. It was an intimate place where 3 best friends sat and shared our individual wells. We filled one another up and watered our very dry soil. It was soul saving and brought me back to the artist I once was. It NOURISHED my soul.
I have never stopped this practice. And as I develop an even deeper understanding of my own artistic practices I find my drive to research and collect and feed and fill that soulful hunger in only expanding.
I spent the last 3 years learning the secrets to living a creative, authentic and soulful life from my mentor and friend Keith Raniere – and from that time participated in the development and production of a curriculum that does just this.
And in the process – I collected a LOT of really cool shit.
To read, see, hear and ponder.
So this is a collection of that: NOURISHMENT. A place to come and be nourished, nurtured and reconstituted.