I had someone ask me on my forum how my life is right now, how my new year is going. Well, to be honest, it feels a bit crazy. I really feel like I’m at a major crossroads in my life, and I’m just totally starting to recognize how much I really rely on familiarity and predictability. With the Writers’ Strike forging ahead and our last episode coming up the end of January, I’m actually able to see the end of the rope as far as “Smallville” is concerned. If the writers don’t return until after February, the season will end at 15 episodes… And then what?
Life without “Smallville” seems so very strange to me. For the last 7 years, I’ve had a job to go to; I’ve had something on the external world, one thing, that was totally consistent and predictable. Now, I won’t– it’s all up to me to be consistent for myself, and that feels so funny. I could look at it 1 of 2 ways. The first would be that I would totally panic and scare the crap out of myself. The second would be that I embrace the excitement of new possibilities, recognize the amazing value in change and growth, and look at this as a way for me to start to truly see that I am really the only thing I can ever depend on. I think I go in shifts with deciding which way I’ll choose to feel about this time. In the morning, slight panic, and then I amp that up throughout the day until about 3 when I’m in a totally fear-driven state… Then I say something… I vocalize my concern and my fear… And I hear myself talking… And I think, “You goof, this sounds like one of the most exciting things you’ve ever come up against. You’re going to have the opportunity to focus all your time and energy on developing things that you are so truly passionate about. Stop complaining, start working on the amazing projects you have in front of you, and choose joy in your life.” Then I feel good for the rest of the night. I go to bed, wake up, and start over again!
We are so silly, us humans. One of my mentors says we are meaning making machines. Everything we come into contact with, we make a meaning about, and then rather than living in the present and enjoying each moment, we’re either stewing or reveling in the meaning of whatever it is we just experienced. The really silly thing is the only thing we know to be true and real is every moment we’re living. I can’t know what happened in the past because it’s gone, and all I have is a story to tell about it, and thinking about the future is totally based in hypothesis. So that’s my New Year’s resolution: to focus on being here now because everything else is just a guess.
Thanks again for all your amazing support in my projects and adventures. I’m so inspired every time I’m reminded that there are people out there that recognize the importance and the value in creation, and I’m so excited to see what Kristin, you all, and I can build as a team! This is truly a beautiful world!
Keep sending me your backflips and public acrobatics! They’re stunning!