Holy crap I’ve made it to 40!!!!! Wow! Minus that one drunken night of forgetfulness I have done something that I committed to for 40 days in a row! That is huge! So cool!

Ok… enough of that celebration! I have been spending the last 2 days on a meditation workshop… Yep, that’s right, I am going through that quintessential “what does it all mean thing.” That bump in life when we start to search for something deeper!

And as cheesy as it sounds, it’s fuckin’ awesome! I had such an amazing time simply reconnecting with me.
It’s so funny, I find that in my attempt to be unselfish aka spend more time with others, put time with myself as a last priority, I end up behaving more selfishly? Maybe I have misunderstood the term? What is selfish?

Here is a quote from a speech given by Nelson Mandela written by a woman call Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Add yours Comments – 74

  • Smallvillekent

    on August 25, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    Hi Allison, Congratulations on your 40th Blog. Also you are not being selfish by giving yourself sometime first. By doing that you can help out others. I think you have a good heart and this blog proves it. Great post looking foward to the next.

  • Terence Sullivan

    on August 25, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    To tell you the truth Allison the only reason you’re feeling this way is because you’re pooped. I know that whenever I serve others and I give and give and give I’m not the funnest person to be around. Simply put your burnt out and its not being selfish if you take some time to just relax and enjoy the day. And once you’re all rested you’ll have the energy to commit once again to a selfless lifestyle. So get some “R & R” its what the doctor ordered. By the why I love the quote.

  • Kirk D. aka "Spartacus"

    on August 25, 2008 at 2:58 pm

    I think it all points to inner motive.
    I’m not sure if this is an answer that is being given, a question or a means to the answer to the question of what is selfishness. I leave that to the reader to decide. When I think of selfishness in my life it always seems to point to love. A struggle to love God, love others, and a denial of self. I don’t say a struggle to love myself because I think we all love ourselves. We are born to look out for #1, ourselves, even if we struggle with being our ideal selves and our actual selves, it still points back to us loving ourselves. I believe love teaches us to deny ourselves, but not at all costs. There are limits. I am speaking from a Christian Worldview and try to keep scripture at the front of my stage of truth. There are those that might argue that there is no absolute truth. To them I answer, Are you absolutely sure about that? ;p (Isn’t that a self refuting statement?)
    So here it is.

    1 Corinthians 13:1-131If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
    4Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
    8Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
    13So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

    1 John 4:8 8The person who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

    I share with you some excerpts from a book by Lewis B. Smedes, titled, “Love Within Limits, A Realist’s View of 1 Corinthians 13”. I really like what we had to say, so I have included some of his insights from his book into this blog.

    “Agape is the love modeled by God in his relationship with sinners, the love that drove Jesus to the cross. Agapic love is liberating power that moves us towards our neighbor with no demands for rewards. (A love that has no strings attached and is completely unconditional.) Do not ask whether you are able to love without thought of reward. Just understand that God’s love is the power to move us in that direction.”

    Part 1 of 2

  • Maria

    on August 25, 2008 at 3:06 pm

    Beautiful quote by Nelson Mandela. I had read that quote but only the first two lines since that seem to be the most known part right? But anyway,

    Selfishness is to me put yourself first in everything you do. When your world turns into YOU. No one else exists.

    But I do agree with you in that I get so caught in trying to be so unselfish that you forget that you are a human being too! You need some time alone, to be able to take a breather from everything and just concentrate on yourself for a bit. I have different ways of doing that. I read a book, listen to music, anything that can kind of disconnect me from “reality”you know. Anything that can distract me and kind of let me concentrate on something that has nothing to do with my life. If you didn’t get me well 🙂 … I get me.

    Anyway, I think it’s great that you give so much of yourself and it’s actually quite admirable but it’s ok to feel selfish for a little while.

    XOXO

    Maria

    B.T.W

    Hey Allison, just wanted to ask if one of the topics could be one that’s quite common i think.
    LOVE

    What does love mean to you and how long have you felt that way?

    I mean love has such different definitions you know? Could it be one of the topics???

  • Sarynelli

    on August 25, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    OH MY GOSH. that is one of my all-time favorite quotes! Isn’t it amazing? It’s so bold and audacious. I luuurve it.

  • Michelle

    on August 25, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    I really like the quote. Selfishness isn’t something we can avoid – we all participate in it. I don’t think realizing our own ability to shine, while in the process helping others to do the same, is selfish. I think we’re selfish when we believe we are the only one who can shine.

    By the way, I wanted to ask something – I know the Olympics might have been brought up before now, but I was wondering what you thought about a recent Olympic headline?

    I’m sure everyone heard about the Cuban athlete who injured a referee and pushed a judge. In one article, he was called a “disgrace to the Oympics.”

    However, it sort of highlights what all humans do. And in a sense, that event and other things like that, sort of represent the humanity in the games. We all make mistakes. We all get a temper from time to time. We all do things we will regret later. So, though what he did was wrong, I don’t think it was completely out of the meaning and messages you get from the world uniting for the Olympics. To put in simpler, I think it shows that nobody is perfect and that we have to know that about ourselves to learn from those mistakes we make and those wrongs we do.

    Thanks always for thought-provoking and inspiring blogs, Allison. Congratulations on your 40th blog.

  • Carol UK

    on August 25, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    Congratulations, Allison, and many thanks! As you might have gathered, we love these blogs.

    I think it’s important to spend time with others and also to spend time alone. I don’t see that as selfish – sometimes you just need to reflect or relax or just ‘be’. I think it’s an essential part of fulfilling your potential and something that we in the busy ‘western world’ are very bad at.

    I love that quote, though I’m not sure that I agree with the first couple of sentences. Maybe it’s my ‘Britishness’ – I think as a general rule we in the UK are far more likely to fear that we are inadequate rather than powerful beyond measure. We are beginning to get better at teaching our children to believe that they can achieve greatness but we also value humility and don’t want them to be disappointed. It’s a difficult task to get the balance between high expectation and setting realistic goals.

    One of my favourite verses in the Bible is “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Wherever our strength comes from our potential, our ability to shine. is awesome!

    Carol x

  • Nathan

    on August 25, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    Thank you Allison for bring such a beautifully powerful quote into my life. i deeply appreciate your blog and the way you think and they way it makes me think. Thank you especially for such unfettered positivity and the joy it brings. I hope your able to find meaning and joy in all that you do and become. I hope I am able to impact others more in the future as you do.

    Thank you from the bottom of a heart undergoing a positivity conversion ATM.

  • Lizeth

    on August 25, 2008 at 6:29 pm

    Dick B Thank you for your advice. I’ll do just that!

  • David Harvey

    on August 25, 2008 at 6:33 pm

    Congrats on 40 blog posts in a row, and here’s to 40 more!!

    Well, I just went to my 10 year high school reunion this weekend, and of the 350 people (give or take) that graduated about 50 showed up. It was great getting to catch up and see how much we’d changed/stayed the same.

    Our beliefs/morals are what shape us, and our creator endowed us with the freedom to choose what we believe. One of the great gifts we have.

    God bless!!

  • arash

    on August 25, 2008 at 7:22 pm

    Allison, you should keep these 40 blogs and the rest in 2008 in a book. Check them in 10 years and see how your ideas have changed. You have achieved a lot more than you think in the past 40 days. You may not even know.
    I for one, have noticed that recently people are much nicer to me.At work, I hear ; “It was a pleasure meeting you” more often.
    Then I realized it is not them, but I have started treating them differently and it has a lot to do with your blogs and everybody’s posts.
    Now your commitment inspired me,from now I want to commit to read my posts before submitting them because the mistakes I usually make is super embaressing, well from next post.

  • Krystal

    on August 25, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    I totally know that if I neglect “me” time, I am worthless to everyone else. I have to have my own moments of self-reflection and creativity if I plan to be able to benefit anyone else around me. Otherwise, I loose sight of why I am even interacting with the community around me.

  • Jim

    on August 25, 2008 at 8:02 pm

    Marcus Aurelius (i think thats how its spelled) said “Ask what is the nature of the thing, what is the thing in its self” I think that is pertinent to a question of selfishness of selflessness. We are what we are and as beings with a conscience and feelings and essentially as animals we are all these things. We are selfless at times and brutally selfish at times we care about others then only care about ourselves. It is our nature. The scary thing is when our nature gets to be too much. When we are too much of one thing even selflessness can be bad. Think of some weird dichotomy between Superman and Batman (as a friend of mine and I have all the time) one is always naive and good and attempts to see the greatness in all people and the other is always dark untrusting and essentially sees the ugly in people. Now if you combine the two and get half and half it is a perfect combo but when you have all of one even the good it can be a bad thing becaues there is not always a good in someone sometimes they take the bad too far and that is when our dark side needs to be the hero. I’ve gotten off point. We are what we are and there is nothing we can do but step back every now and then and see what we are becomming…if you want to call that “me” time then do so. But i think meditation (as I have studied it) is a perfect thing to do every now and then because it helps you think outside the box and learn who you are and who you are becomming in order to find your nature and make “you” a better person balanced and happy individual. Damn Ali how do you get people so excited to talk about shit!!!!

  • GothDogface

    on August 25, 2008 at 8:39 pm

    Its always good to try and learn more about yourself. Because, honestly, you’ll be very surprised to find out what you may learn. I know I was.

    ~GothDogface~

  • Nathiest

    on August 25, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    Daaamn! I failed to view your blog for one whole week (due to traveling) and look at all that I missed? anyhow Gratz on hitting post number 40 Allison. 🙂 oh love you cursing totally fuckin’ awesome.

  • Kirk D. aka "Spartacus"

    on August 25, 2008 at 9:36 pm

    Part 2 of 2

    (We seek self-knowledge and we seek to become ourselves, so how can love not seek its own and still satisfy.)

    “There is a simple answer. I believe, though it is not easy to practice. The answer is this: our self can be either a means or an end. If we make our self the end, the ultimate goal, the final aim of our striving, we are in conflict with agapic love. Love does not seek its self as the living end. Instead love is the power that drives us to seek our selves as a means to being agents of love. This will take some thinking through; and it is very important to get it straight. If we do not have it clear, we will never relieve our conflict between self-seeking and self-denial.”

    “Many people combine a kind of self-denial with self-worship. Self-denial of this sort says No only to things; it is really self-discipline…They are denials of things, not a denial of the self. Their spiritual value depends wholly on one question: are they for the self as an end, or for the self as a means of love?”

    “Love is the divine force that moves us to make the neighbor our center of concern, drives us toward him without demanding a reward. Loves does not put the self on center stage and ask the world around to applaud. Loves does not praise a neighbor only to get praise in return. Love does not strive to become the better self merely to enjoy the excitement of being a splendid person. Love lifts our sights beyond the ideal self we are seeking. For this reason. Not even our ideal self is our god, the goal of our life’s quest. Hence, love cannot be self-seeking unless the self being sought is pre-registered as an agent of love.”

    “Love requires us to seek a self that is wise, discreet, and politic, so that it can do its work through us. Effective love is as much an art as it is a good intention, and like all art, it comes with hard work, persistent seeking for our most effective selves…Agapic love…not only opposes making a god of the ideal self, but it liberates us from this god. And by liberating us from the false god of the ideal self, love enables us to find ourselves as real agents of love.”

    “Love liberates us from the idol, in the first place, by letting us see that the ideal self does not have to be the one thing we need to become. It convinces us that God accepts our actual self in forgiveness and adoption as his children. God’s love, shows us that our actual, blemished self is the only self that can be an agent of love. In the second place, love liberates us from the ideal self as idol by showing that the ideal self can and will be handled by God. Jesus Christ is the model of our ideal self; he is what we are meant to be. And God will lead us to that self in his own time. He will take care of our becoming the self we seek to be. That is, love itself will give us the ideal self; no wonder that loves does not need to seek its own self as the ultimate goal in life.”

    “Loves liberation allows us to regard our ideal self with a sense of humor. We can strive with God’s help to be a better self, to become more of our ideal, our true, Christian self. But moved by love we will not be overly serious about it. Indeed, once love knocks the idol down and we see it as a false god, we can even have a good laugh at it – and at ourselves for being taken in by it. We know that the only purpose for seeking our ideal selves is to become better at seeking others. And we, in love, can now seek others with the real selves we are. We can seek others the better, in fact, the more we leave the ideal self with God and let love move us the way we are.”

    I don’t know if this answers the question for some or just asks more question for most. I just thought I’d throw in and pass along what I have learned and am trying to live out, all while having fun along the way.

    One Love.

  • Bouroux

    on August 25, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    Hi Allison.
    Congrats Allison, and thank you for sharing your insightful ideas with us for the past 40 days.
    This quote is fascinating because we remember that we must build on what has been received of life. If each of us developing the full potential of its talents, our lives would be more rewarding. Our models in life are people who have not been afraid to show their brightness. They had to make sacrifices like not having a life like any other, be recognized everywhere.
    Refusing to spend time with yourself for the benefit of others is a disguised way to not exploit your full potential .
    Let our own light shine, it’s contagious.
    Have a good day.
    Bye

    Claude

  • Puffy

    on August 26, 2008 at 1:23 am

    Lizeth – Dick B gave you good advice. But in terms of your acting and writing… whatever you’re doing as a creative outlet, try to let go of the pressure and just enjoy it. Yes, sometime things will go wrong… you’ll forget a line or write a story that really sucks… but that will fade away with the rush that comes when things go right.

  • Kris

    on August 26, 2008 at 7:58 am

    Our spirits are like candles that cast the light by which others can see us and by which we see others. It’s important to be selfish in order to keep that candle burning. The light that shines from within us keeps us from becoming lost in the dark. It also guides others to us whose candles have burnt out, so that we may help them re-ignite the light that they have lost.

  • Lexie

    on August 26, 2008 at 8:20 am

    My selfishness has always been my greatest vice. If only we could gain a healthy sense of self and yet pour into the lives of others at the same time.

    The Message is a version of scripture that puts God’s words into more modern language. This is what encourages me to do what I challenged above.

    “In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we’re talking about is Christ’s body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn’t amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren’t.”

    We are all part of something greater than ourselves.

  • Lizeth

    on August 26, 2008 at 10:59 am

    Thanks Puffy!

  • StephenK

    on August 26, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    Self vs self-less. An age old question.
    The Individual vs the Group.

    The group (or person) plays on guilt and your compassion to get…. stuff for itself. The pejorative comment used is the selfish label.

    But I work hard and deserve the “fruits of my labors”. My time is finite and very very valuable. (to me) I use it in ways that expand my mind and add to the richness of my life. I am the one that decides. Most of the time anyway.
    SteveK

  • amanda

    on August 27, 2008 at 10:31 pm

    hmmm interesting…it wasn’t by any chance impact training was it? my sisters and some of my friends have been going through the same training and that’s like the quote they all have on their walls now. just wondering.

  • Brittany

    on September 1, 2008 at 11:13 am

    Hey Allison, Good for you! Keep digging deeper and uncovering things about yourself you never knew! I know that’s what I’m doing! Sorry I’m posting so late I hope you have a chance to read my late comments! Bye! XXXOOO