Imagine!

I used to love my imagination. I used to spend hours and hours and hours in the backyard pretending a stick was a magic wand. I used to dream. I had idea after idea bursting out of my mouth with fervor and enthusiasm that would not be suppressed. I was a dreamer… I think that’s why I loved acting so much. Then I got older and I learned about “the rules”. I learned to fall in line, not ask too many questions and stop pushing the envelope.

I had no idea the my attempt to be a “good girl” was killing innovation. I learned my magic wand was better used for kindling in a fire and I incinerated it. I sought out normalcy.

But then I met a couple of dreamers.

At first they frustrated me. I was uncomfortable with their constant desire to change plans and re-evaluate. They were always coming up with something new and it was just so inconvenient.

Then it scared me. I didn’t know what to expect with all these new plans. I couldn’t predict the outcome of anything!

But then….it clicked. Like when the broken chain on your bike catches the tire… it became invigorating. Instead of gripping my familiar plans with white knuckles, I started to loosen… and what I found was a sense of freedom I cannot describe.

My life has opened up. I am doing things I never thought possible. Working with a crack team of brilliant journalists and analyzers on a media start up company that will transform the news industry (ethicalmedia.org), building and teaching an unbelievable acting curriculum that uses the craft I am most passionate to teach empathy, compassion and love. (stay tuned for this website :) ), and helping to lead a movement for women that will change the way human beings relate with one another forever (www.jness.com).

Yes, I am still acting…and I always will…I love it…but with this new found permission to imagine I am seeing myself as so much more. And if this is possible for me? Imagine….what is possible for the world.

xo,
a

You know those days….

You know those days when you just feel like it would be a good idea to be anyone but yourself?

Like you wake up in the morning with a laundry lis of things to repair, redo, rewind? Those days when you think it might be best to disappear and start a new life, only this time with no intimacy? No closeness? Just a way distant existence where no one gets close enough to see the cracks in your sidewalk.

That was this morning for me.

I got in my car and decided to drive. On my drive I saw my friend. He was out for a morning walk. Usually I rush to say hello…This morning I wanted to speed by. But he caught my eye and waved me over. It would have been rude to accelerate away, so I made a u-turn and drove over to him.

“Good morning,” he said sweetly.

I melted.

Tears streaming down my face he held my chin and told me he was proud of me. Then he wished me a good day and kept walking.

A little later I had a virtual meeting with a very special group of friends I have met with weekly for over 2 years. We are all a part of the women’s movement I speak about, Jness. we have been though births, deaths, weddings, break-ups, and some pretty impressive arguments over the last 24 months and yet we still meet every wednesday morning at 8am EST.

I felt raw, apologetic and challenged. I was late to our meeting and the ladies were sitting quietly in my honor when I arrived.

Without punishment for my tardiness they asked if I was alright, then proceeded on with the meeting.

My fears were addressed, inadvertently. My fears were addressed in the form of love. They did not pressure me for answers nor ask me why I was so weepy. They simply held space for me to be vulnerable and upheld love.

Now, after the call, on my train my to NYC, I feel filled up. Wiping the dirt of my knees I can see that we all fall down, and sometimes all you need is a loving group of friends to stand by you as you figure out how to pick yourself up.

I am so grateful to my dear friend, Keith, on his morning walk and my beautiful friends Julia, Sara, Kim and Nati. Your gentle but unwavering hands really held me up this morning.

I am so wealthy in love.

xo,
a