Allison Mack’s Official Site

Isn’t it amazing that the things that seem so difficult to say in person come out like a waterfall on the computer? Like somehow because I’m separated from you by a piece of glass, I’m safe in some way… Like the little Apple sign on the back of my computer shoots out an invisible shield that surrounds my emotional being, and somehow I can be honest without any serious nervousness or concern… How am I any different?

Truth is, I’m not, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way…

It’s like I separate myself into different people… This is the computer Allison; she is witty, compassionate, straightforward, and honest, with really bad grammar…

Then, there’s acting Allison; she is confident, slightly arrogant, fun-loving, and focused… with a wicked streak of ego and ambition that can tend to run over people if they get in her way…

Then, there’s the friend Allison; she is silly and creative, passionate and hyper, with an excitement for exploration and adventure…

And these are just the top three that seem the most familiar…

Then, there’s interview Allison, family Allison, convention Allison, girlfriend Allison, holiday Allison… etc., etc., etc.

…I’m almost as bad as the Barbie chain.

Malibu Allison, dream house Allison…

So, I suppose the goal becomes integrating all these Allisons into one full, rich, and round person.

But wait a minute… How am I not that already?

What the fuck?

It’s not like I split magically into all these people; they’re simply people I play in order to obtain the things I want.

What if the only true thing to obtain is a true sense of self?

Ooooo! Kinda deep?

Maybe I’ll just stick to “Cinderella Allison” or “party time Allison” for now– keep things superficial until I am ready to forge ahead into the abyss that is my own truth.

It’s funny… I recognize the beauty and desire I have to live a full and genuine life, but God, I don’t even know if I know what that means…

Maybe that’s the journey; struggling through to find those opportunities to discover a new foothold in the cave of me and explore from there for a while… until I am ready to go a little deeper….

Ok, that feels good.

Ciao, all!
Allison

PS. We’ve launched a new forum on this site! We want to have everyone interact in more dynamic ways. Go and sign up and have fun! Click to go to forum!

“Do something every day that scares you.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

You wanna know something weird and funny about me? I’m so freaked out about learning something new. Now, don’t get me wrong– I love the IDEA of learning something new… I guess where I get tripped up is in the actual effort of applying myself to building the skill it takes to feel as though I’ve learned that thing. It’s funny because I’ve learned all sorts of things in my life, and at one point they were, in fact, new things I wasn’t born knowing how to do… Huh… Let’s make a list:

1. Walk
2. Feed myself
3. Talk
4. Act on a tv show
5. Train a dog

Really, the list goes on. But for some reason, I forgot the memories I have around building those skills, so now I’m sitting here wanting to develop myself as a filmmaker, wanting to build my skills as a business runner so that I can actualize all these great “ideas” I have, and yet I’m frozen by the panic of what it means that I don’t already have a built-in understanding of how to do those things… Like somehow, if I ask someone for help or admit that I have no clue, I’ll spontaneously combust right there on the spot. It’s amazing to me how many things I’m sure I don’t do or refuse to try because of this very paralyzing fear. I’m working on getting past this, and honestly, having things like Juicy Peach and working on films like “Alice and Huck” are amazing opportunities to push through this fear. I want to be an expansive woman who feels as though she’s lived her life with the blinders off and fully immersed… Not safely standing on the steps of the pools, nervous about what it may feel like to put her head under the water. So here’s to facing fear, diving in, and learning things I know nothing about… Truly, it’ll only enrich and enliven my experience of me

I don’t know if all of you know, but I have an amazing dog. His name is Phantom. In fact, here’s a picture of the lovely beast:

Now I’m sitting here thinking about things I’ve had for more than 5 years…

I recently went through all my clothes, and I got rid of about 6 things that I’ve had for more than 5 years! I can’t believe it!

More than 5 years… I was thinking about how I’m now 25 years old and how incredibly strange that feels. I can remember being 8 and thinking to myself, “What am I going to be like when I’m 25?” I had this whole plan in my head, like I would be planning my wedding and getting ready to have kids in 5 years. I saw myself as being incredibly together and always knowing exactly when my bills are due and having a whole schedule for my life that I consistently lived by…

Holy crap, was I ever wrong!

Here I am at 25… I run screaming from the idea of marriage, and the thought of children is so far out of my realm of possibility that I’m surprised I can even visualize the concept. I’m perpetually scattered and always a little surprised when I get the second notice of an unpaid bill. It’s funny, I really thought that being on the planet and having “things” for a long period of time would solidify my person… You know what I mean?

Would somehow help me to find permanence in myself, because after all, I’ve had this tank top for 7 years… Anyone who can do that must have it all together.

The truth is I think my dog is the most sane and concrete thing in my life. Without him and his calm and slightly goofy demeanor, I don’t know if I would be able to remember what that feels like. He is the one thing that has been unbelievably steadfast and trustworthy for the last 6 years of my life. He has been my best buddy. I adore my furry friend. So nice to feel like I have one thing I’m committed to no matter what. I know it’s not the dog that provides this for me and that it is all something I create in myself, but I guess what I’m saying is that he sure is a good reminder that sticking to one thing for a long time really does have its rewards. I don’t know if this is making sense, but I just thought I would invite you into my brain for one small simple blog entry.

Phantom– a girl’s best friend.

So often, I find myself racing through my life, so focused on where I’m going that I don’t stop to enjoy where I am. My friend Sara said to me once that we are so busy acting as humans doing that we forget we are humans being. My God, did this ever resonate with me. So, recently, I have really tried to focus on acting as a human being, and because of this, I am so enjoying the process of creating and experiencing each and every moment.

This being said, I was reading an article recently about an amazing artist/actress/writer/filmmaker named Miranda July, and I found out about an online project she has been doing with another gentleman for the last few years. It’s such a beautiful thing that she’s doing… She and her partner come up with different assignments for anyone to participate in accomplishing, and they have created a site for people to post and share the completion of these assignments. If you want to look at it the site is learningtoloveyoumore.com, and it’s awesome! I was so inspired by this concept that i decided to make my own project like this for my site. I was sharing this idea with one of my best friends, and she told me about something that she and her husband used to do in which they would create an annual calendar filled with their own “celebration days”—days dedicated to celebrating or doing something they loved!

I thought this was wonderful and combined her idea with that of Miranda July… So, this is what I have come up with—an annual calendar that has 4 celebration days per month that are dedicated to different projects/assignments/creations/or events! Here is the first set! I hope you enjoy and participate in these fabulous adventures with me!

All my love,
Allison

Upcoming Mack Event

• 20 November:
  • Find a beautiful leaf and photograph someone you love holding it… (all day) - Click the link to find out how to submit your pictures!