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This poem is one of my new all-time favorites! I have recently been spending a lot of time looking at myself and finding solutions to problems I have created for myself, emotionally, and trying to better myself to walk the walk as a participant in this beautiful world. I just noticed recently, however, a result of starting this self-awareness process; I subconsciously developed this really ridiculous habit of trying to ignore all of my “nasty human feelings.” The very fact that I just called them “nasty” is evidence of the fact that I’m trying to give them less meaning in order to be able to ignore them.

I realized, however, that it all pertains to that need to beat myself up over insecurities rather than choosing to address them head on. It seems almost as though I do this because I feel like I can’t love or accept myself as being a flawed human. The really silly thing about suppressing those emotions, rather than facing them, is that when I do that, I am not increasing my opportunity to grow from the experience. Instead, what ends up happening is that I am increasing the issue by trying to suppress it, thus prolonging the response to learning from the experience.

To further explain, when I know this suppressed emotion (whatever it is at the time) is inside me and I refuse to have compassion for my own human struggle, I am only adding to the problem. After thinking about it, I feel it is so much more effort to hide than simply recognize and make the choice to put in the effort to move on.

When I was thinking about all of this, I realized that it’s like I get some sort of strange satisfaction out of the “punishment” of feeling bad about having an emotion and/or reaction to something which results to avoiding the issues. Almost seems as if, somehow, if I punish myself by suppressing the emotion, it will let me off the hook from feeling it.

The really amazing thing that Rumi said in this poem is that we should be “grateful for each feeling because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.” I really believe that this is true! Interestingly, if I really look at all the anger and malice that I feel, it all stems from fear, and when I think about what fear originates from, it is a reaction to a prediction of what may happen.

The only way to squelch this fear is to find out what that unknown is. So, when I do get angry or envious or suppressive, I will now choose to look at them as a gift I am giving myself to see what I am afraid of so I can move through that fear.

After having learned that, I am so over living my life based on fear, which is based on a perceived future and not reality at all! I love this poem so much because essentially all the author is saying is that we should look for these human qualities within ourselves and rather than punish ourselves or try and ignore ourselves, we should hug ourselves and offer us a nice cup of tea.

If I don’t hold myself accountable for ending the war on me, how can I hold the world accountable for doing anything even remotely similar? What an amazing concept… I wonder if that’s what Gandhi meant?

Have a beautiful week, my fellow humans!
Ciao
Allison

Hello, my fellow thinkers! I want to start this blog by thanking everyone for their beautiful and incredibly personal responses last week. I had the opportunity to read many of the entries, and I was so moved by all of your willingness to share and be honest about what is going on for you. I have to admit that it was really scary being that upfront about my insecurities, and it was so amazing to feel the support from all you readers and then to see the participation that came from that… Truly beautiful.

So, it has been an insane week finishing up on the show. I always seem to work the last day of the season. Last year ended with a kiss with Tom Welling and some Egg McMuffins at 7:30 A.M. This year, I got off an hour earlier, but it was much colder and there was no kissing involved. We seem to be going downhill here. I must complain to the manager.

Ok… So this week, I have picked yet another Gandhi quote. I mean, the man was brilliant! And I have been really thinking about money and how misrepresented it is in today’s society. I think it is so funny that we choose to blame our problems on an inanimate object instead of looking at it and recognizing that it isn’t the money that creates the issue; it is what we as human beings choose to do with this money that creates the struggles, but it is so much easier to relinquish responsibility. I know this to be true because I do it, consistently. I, often times, feel very guilty about the money that I make because I love what I do so much, I have always been very mixed up in my belief that it isn’t really hard work if it is fun; and since I have always loved what I do, I don’t equate it with hard work, therefore denying that I have put any effort into earning my success, and in turn, feel guilty about it. Oy! Yet another thing to work on. Haha! It seems to be a never-ending struggle. I guess that is the point in life– to find struggles, overcome them, and then help your fellow humans do the same. What a wonderful cycle.

I also wanted to bring up finances and money because last year, a great friend of mine introduced me to this wonderful new type of banking called “microfinancing.” For those of you who don’t know much about it, the man that developed it (Muhammad Yunus) won the Nobel Peace Prize this year. It is this really awesome program that he set up in Bangladesh that offers small loans (sometimes as low as 50 bucks) to entrepreneurs in developing nations. This gives them the opportunity to help themselves out of their situation and eventually build enough of a business to employ others in their community. It is such a beautiful way to encourage people out of poverty because it supplies an opportunity where there wouldn’t normally be one, and yet it isn’t a handout. The people can feel like they are doing it on their own, therefore, there is no loss of pride or self-esteem.

It’s amazing for me, how much better I feel about receiving money when I feel as though I have actually earned it. It’s like I was saying before, until I actually acknowledged the effort that I put into my career, I felt very bad about taking the money for it. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to be in a developing country that is living off of handouts. I can project that I would have very low self-esteem and confidence as an effect of the lack of effort that I put in to earning that money that someone has given me for simply existing in this poor country. But what microfinance does is provide people with the opportunity to earn the money, thereby building a greater sense of pride and independence, which ultimately results in raised self-esteem. Beautiful.

I am so excited about this program and these ideas because it feels like a sustainable and constructive way to address some of the world’s poverty issues. I want to encourage all of you to check out two websites that are dedicated to this type of banking and do a little more reading about it on your own.

The sites are www.kiva.org and www.grameenfoundation.org.

I hope you have as much fun reading about it and are as inspired by their ideas and missions as I am!

Look forward to your feedback! Yay!

Ciao, friends.

Allison

When searching for a quote, I have started the habit of deciding what to write by what seems to be relevant to what is going on for me that week. It has kind of been a cool way to get my ideas and thoughts out on a page and also bounce the thoughts I have floating in my head off a number of different people from a number of different places and backgrounds.

So far this has been a beautiful experiment, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all the responses everyone is posting on this site. It really is such an amazing way for me to get to know all my fans and also get to know myself in the process. So, that being said, I have had many conversations with different friends this week about violence and what that is. I thought these quotes were in keeping with this because it is a great way of looking at what violent reactions and thoughts can end up doing to the world at large. Now, my opinion of violence has changed drastically in the last little bit. I used to think that it was a solely physical act; that the word only encompassed those acts that caused physical harm or destruction, but as I began to think about it a little more, I really started to recognize how destructive words can be. Sometimes, even more destructive than a punch. It was after this recognition that I really saw how violent I can be in the way I live my life… Not always so much towards other people, but so more so towards myself. I allow my insecurities to dictate the things I do in my life. I am constantly berating myself for not being “enough” of what I think I would be. I suppress the things within me that I think are “bad” and then spend my time and energy punishing myself for even having these flaws in the first place.

I feel like these habits are incredibly destructive and violent towards my own growth and potential. They essentially ruin my ability to enjoy my present life and situations. Now, if this isn’t violent, I don’t know what is.

The really incredible part about this discovery is that I can only treat people the way I treat myself. And I will never have the capacity to be the compassionate and loving person I want to be in the world if I can’t ever be that for myself. It is this strange reality that I am seeing, the truth that everything I do and see in the external world is simply a direct reflection of what is going on within me and my own little head…. And so I struggle to find inner compassion, to tame that violent dictator that consumes my thoughts. Maybe, if I can tame my destructive self, I will be closer to attaining my goal of being a kind, honest, and loving person. I really wonder what would happen on a global scale if more people would stop the abusive behavior they inflict upon themselves and actually began living with compassion for their own flaws, embracing them and accepting them as part of the beauty of what it means to be human.

No more real exciting Smallville news, other than I heard a rumor that the finale script was leaked, and everyone has very strong opinions regarding “the green tear.” Don’t worry guys, it will be cool… I won’t let you down

Look forward to hearing your thoughts and ideas! Bye for this week.

Hello there, and welcome to my very first blog entry ever on allisonmack.com. This whole computer and Internet technology thing is very new to me, but I am excited to finally be stepping into the 21st century and utilizing all the amazing opportunities that now exist to communicate with so many people and share tons of new thoughts and ideas. To me, that is one of the most beautiful things about the Internet. It really allows us the chance to get to know people from all over the world and truly see the humanity in everyone.

So I have decided that for my blog, I will present a quote a week. The quote will be what inspires me to write. I will basically be sharing what the quote means to me, and I greatly encourage all of you guys to share what it means to you. Something I find so fascinating is the endless amount of perspectives one can get on any given topic or idea. So I will give you my perspective, and I hope that you feel open to giving yours.

OK here it goes…

This was said by one of the greatest peace leaders of all time, an amazing man filled with so much wisdom that he was able to triumph over one of the most powerful countries in the world without ever lifting a gun. It is interesting because this has been a favorite quote of mine for several years now. I have walked around saying it and attempting to live by it without ever really taking the time to sit down and figure out what it means to me. It seems so simple; just act in the way you would want to see others act, but I find that this is one of the most difficult things for me to do. I am always reluctant to take responsibility for the way my actions effect the rest of the world. I am the first person to say, “Oh well, it’s only me in this big world. How is my behavior going to shift anything?”