Last night was the screening for Alice and Huck and I was, in fact, terrified! The movie was fabulous; so beautiful and interesting. My director, Kaleena, is an unbelievable talent and the writing was poetry.
So with that in mind I was as cool as a cucumber all day, and then wham! The party started, we screened the movie, and I wanted to disappear into the wall.
I had no idea I would feel that way, but exposing myself and the work that I had been a part of creating was one of the most vulnerable experiences I have ever had.
Film is such an incredible medium because it creates a permanent mark in time. It highlights and isolates history in a way that is undeniable. Whatever phase or thoughts were prevalent at the time of shooting are forever immortalized and publicized for all the world to see.
It’s interesting because it really does feel like the ultimate form of self-expression and authenticity, if that is in fact the type of performance you are striving to attain.
I wonder why authenticity is so challenging for me. I suppose it links back to simply admitting who I am and letting go of the image or the desire to be anything other than this. I was having a chat with my good friend, Nandie, and we were talking about how different the world would be if there was no ego. We certainly would never be embarrassed. Ego is one of those bizarre things that we create as a barrier for truthful experience. What is good about it? Anything?
Tell me… What do you think are the pros and cons of ego?