8:00am. I am forty five minutes late already! I still need to shower — do I have any clean underwear? Oh no! I didn’t shave my legs, so no skirt today. Wait?! Is it Friday? It’s Friday and I haven’t written my blog entry. So I need to wash my underwear, write my blog entry, shave my legs before I leave in . . . 10 minutes . . . hmm . . . Okay, I can do this — oh shoot my mom is calling, that’s right I told her I would have time to talk at 8:00 this morning, should I answer the phone? Yes. She is your mother and you love her, answer the phone . . . but then I won’t have time to shave my legs. Okay, went to voice mail . . . I’ll call her back in the cab–I’ll take a cab! If I take a cab instead of the train that will give me an extra thirty minutes and I can make phone calls and think about the blog post on the way into the city. Perfect . . . okay — Shit, look how fat my legs are, seriously? Come on Allison, did you need that extra glass of wine? Underwear — you need to clean some underwear — okay — no. I’ll just buy some while I am out. I am wearing pants anyway. Now just focus on getting out the door — oh crap! I forgot to call my agent back. Another phone call for the cab. Dammit, she’ll think I am the biggest flake ever. OK, agent first, then Mom, then underwear . . .  what am I forgetting?

 

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Stop. Just stop. See the beauty in the intensity of being here now. Stop.

 

The searching and the seeking just avoids living. Living is here, now. Understand and appreciate all I am,  all I have been given  . . . so stop. Just stop.

 

If I just sit here . . . now . . . . uncensored thoughts and feelings . . . unencumbered intensity oozing out of every pore. Maple syrup dripping over a stack of pancakes. Too much richness to soak it all in.

 

I am blessed with such “excess.” I begin to salivate and within minutes my mouth is filled with some delicious nourishment. I start to feel a chill and before my teeth chatter I am wrapped in a cashmere blanket. I never want for comfort. I am abundant in this. It is my soul that aches. My insides that feel pain. Not the tangible blood and guts, but the ‘me’ beyond anything tactile or movable. The me that is impenetrable and infinite. The self. The true self.

 

This exists everywhere. In every moment of a simple afternoon. I walk up to the apex of my Brooklyn Bridge, between the two archways where you can see straight up the east side of the city and out past Ellis Island. I weave in and out of the tourists sporting different accents taking pictures of my favourite sunset, the one that hides right behind the Statue of Liberty.

 

And I see it on the way back. I purchase a coffee from the sweet woman with a ring through her nose and I ask her how she is doing. I look behind the eyes I stare into; I pay attention. I see there is something more. Something beyond my senses.

 

“A little sad today,” she says.

“Yeah? Me too.” I reply.

“I think I just need a good cry,” she concludes.

 

An honest statement in a robotic world. I pay attention.

 

If I stop with the chattering distractions of “stuff,” cease the to-do list, the have to’s, relationships and deadlines . . . all things of great importance . . . I get this moment, this person, this honesty, this chance to connect with myself and her. Awkward and human. The human in the human. The perfectly flawed self.

 

I could have these moments with my mother, my agent, my to-do list, my underwear even. All of this is important, but why each is important is where I get confused. I am not enslaved to my life like I tell myself I am. I forget that these are opportunities, chances for me to experience myself.

 

And when I fall in love with the depth of myself, maybe I won’t be a scratch looking for an itch. All the illogical blame and hatred could fall away and I might see that we are all striving to be present for the most curious and chaotic experiences possible.

 

Nerve endings firing, heart breaking, soul searching self. The infinite possibility of possibilities. Accept it. And then you can fully accept all.

Add yours Comments – 45

  • Jonathan

    on February 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Live in the moment – Jonathan 🙂

    “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.”
    – W.M. Lewis

  • James Hall

    on February 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Ahhh! Living life! Living life in the Big Apple!

  • Beth

    on February 29, 2012 at 2:35 am

    I had the same problem this morning. Swore I would be asleep by midnight last night and I would have eight hours of sleep. Never happens anymore and didn’t happen last night. Slept through my 8am alarm and finally forced myself out of bed around 8.25. Didn’t take my dietary supplements or even have breakfast. Only threw down half a glass of milk before I ran out the door and was 10 minutes late…to work. It’s a good thing I have a decent boss.

    Why is it so damn hard to just be alive in the moment and to just experience?
    More often than not I find it almost impossible.

  • Kyle

    on February 29, 2012 at 3:10 am

    I think listening is more important than talking. When one listens, they learn. Taking a few minutes to stop and listen can go a long way.

  • Jessica

    on February 29, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Thank you. Thank you for all that you’re writing. It touches me and it impresses me. I wish that I could stop like you do. I know exactly what you’re meaning but I’m not up yet to find my inner depth.
    While I was reading I realised that I’ll find it and that fulfills myself and makes me really happy.

    Greeting from Germany

  • Jon Mills

    on February 29, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Love it Allison, so timely as well, needed to read something like this.

    ” If I just sit here . . . now . . . . uncensored thoughts and feelings . . . unencumbered intensity oozing out of every pore. ”

    Sums up my morning. Looking out, cup of tea in hand. The mind chatter begins like a box of monkeys, endless mind chatter. The past, the future, together it seems all pain and discontentment is wrapped up in the two. I try to brace myself in the moment of the now. Ah that’s it… The walls around me, the day outside, the cup in my hand and just perch there like a man balancing on a high wire. Peace, calm, no longer in the past or future, just in the present for a split second. Then the wind of life, whisks me back into the past and then off in to the future ( regrets, hopes, worry, bliss, potential, lack of.. ) what the hell is it all about? I ask myself.

    Fighting off a cold, low on vitamin D and C.., trying not to think of all the billion things I have to get done this week.

    Time to spin those plates

    Now, stopped to take this in, reminded of our humanity, frailty and beauty.

  • Amanda Pina

    on March 1, 2012 at 12:24 am

    That sound like my mornings, once in a while.

    Are you still in Brazil? I saw a picture of you in Rio. Any chances to stop by São Paulo???

  • Gladiator3012

    on March 1, 2012 at 11:14 am

    allison in this life only see your eyes have changed my life because your face is like a rose you see demi heart Sentro amour princess allison ESON puseble but I love you. gladiator

  • Laura

    on March 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    OMG! I know! This is exactly how I’m feeling.. I just don’t know how to make that STOP! I guess I’m trying to find myself again after the whole I’m going to do thing and the I’m alive and in the present stuff, thanks for the thought and I would like to add I LOVE the new photo! I’m INSPIRED 🙂 just love it!

  • StanTheMan

    on March 2, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Just so truly written. During my lifetime you have so very well captured the could be daily dilemma that individuals have. During such lifetime has seen competitive sports, academics, professional sports, jobs, music, teaching an instrument, more schooling, worldwide business travel, corporate fiduciary responsibilities, thousands of corporate people responsibilities, wives, children………OK……yes, stoooooooooooop!!!! Wait a minute. What the hell is going on that it so absolutely important all the time that you cannot just take a moment to smell the roses so to speak and take some time to experience yourself in the context of what surrounds you. Before you know it, 20 turns to 40 turns to age 60 where today I just am. In retrospect, well said Ms. Mack, and I have been so blessed to have stopped and smelled the roses thru my lifetime. It certainly is rewarding, learning about yourself and others and making contributions to the world that are reflections from your heart. StanTheMan

  • Icthacker

    on March 2, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    Haha, funny your hilarious but in a truthful way- love it! Ironically, I’ve felt the need to slow myself down to become an introvert this week. Not for repair or anything but self-awareness. I find your blog entry curious and totally truthful.

    Love your honesty! Don’t every lose that- please!

  • Bouroux

    on March 3, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Your scenario of Friday morning is very funny, very realistic and well told. You transported us in your head trying to do a puzzle in a time not feasible. It is surprising all the creativity that our brain generates to find a solution. We must remain both feet on the ground and learn to accept that we can not do everything at the same time.
    You was at the RioContentMarket in a panel “how to reach fans”, and you explained how your relationship with the fans contributed to the success of Smallville. This topic could be a future blog.
    Christopher Petry threw a great interview to Legendary Women where he talks about the film “Marilyn” in which you were amazing as an actress and dedicated person for this project.

    We want you to tell us about your experience during the filming of this movie. Your fans are really excited to see you in the role of Marilyn. Christopher talks about your ability to get under the skin of a character totally different from Chloe. How did you prepare?
    Tell us the human side of Marilyn that despite hers flaws, has a big heart and was able to give meaning to her life.
    Chloe and Marilyn are sources of inspiration and it’s a nice way to change the world using your talents of actress.
    We can’t wait to know the new characters that you perform in the future and who will be sources of inspiration.
    Have a good week end.
    Claude

  • Leticia Carvalho1

    on March 3, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Hey Allison, my name is Leticia, I am Brazilian. I saw you in Rio Contet Market, I was there. You looked beautiful. I was embarrassed to ask you a picture, but that’s okay.
    I hope you enjoyed in Brazil.

  • Pamschwetz

    on March 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    I am interested in participating in your poetry project. More info please. pamschwetz@gmail.com

  • Allana O. S

    on March 4, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    lol I think I do that Stop thing more than I should! Always getting my parents upset at how slow I am.

    I totally get what you mean. About living in every moment. The awkward pauses in life. Most people hate awkward pauses, but really, its awkward because you’re connecting with that stranger on a more spiritual level. Most people don’t know what that is or what it means so they usually just feel uncomfortable.

    It’s when best friends can sit in silence and not feel the urgency to say something because they are connected. They can afford to be vulnerable to each other.

    I think that’s what people are the most afraid of, feeling vulnerable. I don’t mind awkward pauses. I find them fascinating. You don’t need to speak to connect with someone. A look, body language and the type of aura you give off can all be ways to connect with each other.

    And a connection doesn’t have to last a lifetime. It could just be existent for as long as it takes you to realize that despite flaws in the person, they still are a person. And you are both experiencing a connection that will only happen in that moment and never again.

  • Neha Sangra

    on March 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    keep writing…some of ur blog posts feels like i m reading something about myself….

  • Simona Tringali

    on March 4, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    I totally love your posts. This last one .. gave me the chance to stop and think! I believe it’s extremely necessary, as well as awesome, to take time and realize how extraordinary life is with all its various ups and downs, beautiful nature gifts, the challenging obstacles, the lovely people we just cross by along the way, the difficult ones who make our life even more worthy to live, and then just US, our real selves….the ones we spend all our time with .. the ones who truly and deeply know us 🙂 If we did stop more often and listen to who we really are, the true “us”not the ones everyone would like us to be, but our inner, humble and beautiful selves, we would learn to see and listen to the rest of the world more carefully and pay attention to the details…that matter, matter a lot…in this chaotic, fast and “wired-connected” world we live in…
    Allison, thanks a bunch for giving me the chance to stop today .. take a few minutes to drop some of my thoughts down and share them with you and other cool and interesting people, willing to stop and breath for one moment 🙂
    God bless you! Lotsa love!
    Simona

  • Mark

    on March 4, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Whoa! You’re deep! You have amazing thoughts and you’re insightful. Where do you get all you insight and perspective from. I think some of the same thoughts you think. It’s great that you think on a spiritual level. It makes the world more special.

  • Roniedee

    on March 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    There’s no need to fear…underwear is here. A new package of 4 in my truck and a new 4-pack in my dresser.

    Luv ya Ali – your writing is always so personal and real.

  • Jon Mills

    on March 8, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Please share this video on KONY2012 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc powerful viral video that joins humanity to bring awareness to an invisible case and cause

  • Zsolti

    on March 8, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Woohoo! I can never get enough of that ditti. It’s so good. So good, I love it!
    Have a Wonderful Women’s Day Allison and fans, who are women!
    The world is a better place because of the presence of women!

  • Helison Brasileiro

    on March 8, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    My name is Helison Brasileiro, I’m from Brazil and I live in the state of Bahia … I admire your work, when I watch the seasons of Smallville and you are perfect, keep this way, congratulations! My email is: agr.brasileiro81@gmail.com; would be very happy if I got a response from you, big hug!

  • Motuxmen

    on March 8, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    Ms Mack…I have not read all your posts, as I try my best to allow celebrity’s and just people in general their privacy…but a friend pointed out your post about shingles, and love. I’m a pretty young guy, 32, who became completely and totally disabled at 25 while active duty in the Marine Corps. On top of many broken bones, including my back, I was exposed to something overseas that has caused my arms and skin to attack itself. Some days they look alright almost, others it looks like a bunch of little infected sores. It can be very embarrassing. I also used to be drop dead good looking, a 9 maybe a 10 lol but after nearly a year hardly being able to walk, more surgeries, then more bed rest I’ve gotten out of shape. Big time. Lol so I can totally understand what you write. Of course your life is much more complicated then mine, and your a much better writter then me. But I feel we have a lot in common on some levels. My names Ty and I wish you the best. And wish we had gotten a chance to know each other, I think in the least we could have been friends.

  • Kendra

    on March 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Deep. Your post gives me something to think about. Lately I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed and slightly out of control of my life. Like I’m watching the fray from above myself with little or no input. I’m a chef and things have been tremendously busy. So much so that days and weeks have quickly passes by without much memory. However I’ve decided to stop, take a moment here and there and reconnect with what’s going on around me and the folks I care about. Perfect that recipe I’ve been wanting to perfect, call my mother and brothers and really listen to what’s going on in their lives, really listen. Basically just slow down and smell the roses.

    Good post, Allison

  • Marie

    on March 9, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I found your blog today, b/c I saw you on the street yesterday and I had to google you (not in a stalker way) to see if it was really you walking towards Times Square. Anyway, I came across your blog and happy I did so b/c I need to stop … stop and breathe and clear my mind before I returns those phone calls, which will be filled with disdain.
    Even if it wasn’t you walking through the crowded NYC street on your cell phone … it still lead me to finding this blog and allowing me to stop being a robot for a while and enjoy your light-hearted and real post.
    “I’m perfect only in all my imperfections…A beautiful Disaster! <3"

  • Simonelorena

    on March 10, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Hello. I’ve poetry project with childrens at Brazil. They’re to live in the street with postitution, drugs… I believe the poetry can to help to save life the little people.You can to help us with your inspire? With your poetry project? Very Thank =] Contact:simonelorena13@gmail.com

  • Rosario García

    on March 12, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Thank you Allison for your sincere and poetical words !! And yes, that’s the truth, we don’t enjoy every single moment of our lives when we’re in a rush. We need to chill out for a moment to think what we’re doing and what we’d do with it.

  • emotiveart

    on March 13, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Allison,
    You brought tears to my eyes with this one. I relate your blog entries to myself. I can’t speak for you, but I can speak for me.

    When I read your most recent and past entries I always think of what my soul, my core is looking for. I want to meet the girl I would do anything for. The girl I would follow anywhere, even to the depths of hell like in that Robin Williams movie I saw long ago. It’s always about love for me. Your blog entries are overflowing with love.

    You inspire me to keep working at songwriting. Maybe one day I’ll have a song for you!

    Keep it up please,
    Mike

  • Kendra

    on March 25, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    Finding oneself is a difficult and ongoing journey, for actors and non actors alike. Way to go, Allison, you’re well on your way. 🙂

  • Melanie from the Philippines

    on March 28, 2012 at 3:14 am

    Ali, sometimes we need to pause for a while to see what happen to other people, in the surroundings we lived in. Have time to smile no matter how busy you are. The cliche you had with the woman is very essential to her because she had someone to talk to about her feelings, you somewhat healed her from loneliness. Even a smile can heal someone. I myself kinda touchy and very approachable type that’s why I love this moment. Thanks for sharing.

  • Thomas_D

    on March 29, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    There are deeper, more eternal questions that has yet to be asked here:

    1. Why do women hate shaving their legs so much? Men may never understand.

    2. Why do women always look at themselves through a fat lens? (fat legs? seriously? No guy will see your legs that way, I guarantee – that goes for all you women out there)

    Oh, and you should call your mom back first. Before your agent.

  • Frankjeff99

    on April 28, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    I think a lot of the feeling of dissasociation we get with modern life is because of the immediacy of everything. If you want it now you can find an app,a website or some device to facilitate your need or foibles. Thing is this stops any chance for reflection or to gaze inside yor minds eye for long enough to try and glean the purpose and meaning of your own life,and where you think you fit in throughout the grand cosmos of conscience,life and earth. We all know how life works,we have yet to understand what our part in it is at a subatomic level. It is lifes greatest trick but its most alluring mystery- how can we have purpose and yet feel satisfied with who we are and what we do? Without walls,without judgement,and without prejudice.

  • Pablo J. Vera G.

    on May 1, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    I used to do a stop every day in the mornings before leaving to job,…a brief reading of a newspaper, …some pages of a book, …watering the garden; … all that stops meant getting late at the office… but all those were moments of great pleasure, peace of mind, etc… as if the whole world has stopped. Reading your post reminds me to do it again…
    Your posts are really inspiring, a big hug for you…

  • Lkiefel

    on May 4, 2012 at 1:08 am

    I simply want to say, Thank you. Thank you for who you are, who you’ve been and for who you are to become. Your honesty and willingness to put yourself out there reminds us that we aren’t the only ones with questions & fears. You are an AMAZING & STRONG Woman. Thank you. Love & Prayers to you on your new journey.

  • Robert Rivera

    on July 27, 2012 at 12:53 am

    “Maple syrup dripping over a stack of pancakes”….awesome imagery. I enjoy your writing for the simple fact that it is your own. You write from you for you, i believe. Even if people can’t relate directly to scenarios you may mention, they can relate to your words because of their genuine nature. Nice job.

  • MimeOnFire

    on August 31, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Once again, I come to this blog. Once again, I read something 6 months old, something I didn’t read the last time. Once more, I leave feeling more present, more mindful of those microscopic moments, seeded with inspiration.

    After a night at work, there are a sea of faces and a mish-mash memory of what was said. It’s always a struggle to write, to empty myself, to cleave the poignant experiences from the chatter taken in through a bartender’s ears. A deep breath and a “full stop” is exactly what’s called for. In fact, this should be part of my routine; a natural part of the writing process. Thank you for the reminder.
    Somewhat selfishly, I hope there will be time for more blog entries.

  • Jasmine Bailey-Barfuss

    on September 13, 2012 at 11:57 pm

    I LOVE that you are on here posting these beautiful thoughts full of life and light and heart-warming imagery. What a breath of fresh air you are. What a special, unique gift you are sharing with us, gift wrapped as your blog. I wouldn’t call this a blog, because blogs are most often narcissistic and dark – your words are light and beauty defined. Know that any negative comments you receive here are just from those whose eyes are closed. Flick them away and don’t let them steal your natural enthusiasm and positivity. Thank you for sharing your uplifting insights, reminding us of our true selves; helping us see through our delusions and the stories we have so intricately written about ourselves since birth. Good on you.

  • Rock

    on January 18, 2014 at 9:38 am

    Life is short, live the best you can and be and do the best you can, don’t burn bridges and keep your head high. When your not looking for it, is when something appears out of place, don’t take it either, it’s your mind saying, that personality about you, needs work. He’s just an example.

  • Rock

    on January 18, 2014 at 9:39 am

    2g2bt

  • Puddle

    on February 4, 2014 at 10:22 pm

    My heart hurts like an aching pain that keeps thirsting for safe protective sleep.

    Sitting on a cold metal chair covered with black paint
    Folding me slowly by half of my body, while trying to find some comfortableness with the fact that my mother died and left her estate with the responsibility of a man like a 5 year old searching for a gum drop through a candy store

    I got Robbie tonight then expected to trust the same people that surround despite their disability to discern between right and wrong

    Waiting to sleep and when it takes me praying I’ll awake with a beautiful woman laying beside me rather than another man who I’m unsure would want to be my boyfriend whether or not I like women

    Long walks while I just want a safe place to spend my time with and with someone safe without the question of discriminations

    I roll my cart through the entrance a love struck fool who believes their is some sort of reality beyond this war that’s so obvious between men and women and their special attraction

    I’m so disgusted with myself I haven’t showered for over a week and I look like a vagrant to people that see me everyday, I must be an easy target trying to find the good behind peoples eyes and reminding them when they are out of place.

    Blaming myself for allowing people to blame for faults naye my own Sleep I miss that warmth you beside me

    My heart just shakes thinking of how I’m broken and space doesn’t even fix it

  • hector figueroa

    on February 5, 2014 at 4:30 pm

    O.M.G allison thats awesome i love your post thats what i fell some times
    is good to know there is someone who knows what I’m feel 🙂

  • Lauren Dentler

    on February 24, 2014 at 1:46 pm

    This is exactly what I needed to hear right now in the midst of stage managing one show and the technical rehearsals for a different show. I already try to take time for prayer and friends, but I never stop to take time and get to know myself and give myself the energy I need to keep moving and discovering new things everyday.