Isn’t it amazing that the things that seem so difficult to say in person come out like a waterfall on the computer? Like somehow because I’m separated from you by a piece of glass, I’m safe in some way… Like the little Apple sign on the back of my computer shoots out an invisible shield that surrounds my emotional being, and somehow I can be honest without any serious nervousness or concern… How am I any different?

Truth is, I’m not, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way…

It’s like I separate myself into different people… This is the computer Allison; she is witty, compassionate, straightforward, and honest, with really bad grammar…

Then, there’s acting Allison; she is confident, slightly arrogant, fun-loving, and focused… with a wicked streak of ego and ambition that can tend to run over people if they get in her way…

Then, there’s the friend Allison; she is silly and creative, passionate and hyper, with an excitement for exploration and adventure…

And these are just the top three that seem the most familiar…

Then, there’s interview Allison, family Allison, convention Allison, girlfriend Allison, holiday Allison… etc., etc., etc.

…I’m almost as bad as the Barbie chain.

Malibu Allison, dream house Allison…

So, I suppose the goal becomes integrating all these Allisons into one full, rich, and round person.

But wait a minute… How am I not that already?

What the fuck?

It’s not like I split magically into all these people; they’re simply people I play in order to obtain the things I want.

What if the only true thing to obtain is a true sense of self?

Ooooo! Kinda deep?

Maybe I’ll just stick to “Cinderella Allison” or “party time Allison” for now– keep things superficial until I am ready to forge ahead into the abyss that is my own truth.

It’s funny… I recognize the beauty and desire I have to live a full and genuine life, but God, I don’t even know if I know what that means…

Maybe that’s the journey; struggling through to find those opportunities to discover a new foothold in the cave of me and explore from there for a while… until I am ready to go a little deeper….

Ok, that feels good.

Ciao, all!
Allison

PS. We’ve launched a new forum on this site! We want to have everyone interact in more dynamic ways. Go and sign up and have fun! Click to go to forum!

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Add yours Comments – 115

  • Daniel

    on April 4, 2008 at 11:40 pm

    Hey ! forgot to say I’m presently finishing studiess in cinema, it’ll be col to talk about it too ! 😛

  • Daniel

    on April 6, 2008 at 2:50 am

    I have seen you through Tv shows and I though you were wonderful but this short description, it makes you an amazing girl 🙂 I think you are a cool girl. I also find you are an amasing actress, I am presently studying in cinema and I still think you are a lucky one. I’d really like to meet you some day, maybe some day at juno awards or somthind like it 😛 For now the only thing I can hope for is the leave you my email and to hope to be able to chat with soon, it would be a pleasure. Zap_chock2@hotmail.com

    Hope to hear from you soon.

  • Aaron

    on April 7, 2008 at 6:47 pm

    Hi Allison, just stopping by. I’m a big fan of Smallville. I feel I’m way too old to be watching the show, but you aren’t exactly a teenager either. Call it a guilty pleasure.

    Keep up the great work. I know you’re playing a role, but it drives me bananas that Clark looks past Chloe all the time for something he can’t have. Hello, man?! Here’s this great girl right in front of your eyes! She knows you better than anybody and would do anything for you! But no, he’d rather walk on eggshells around Lana. Geez.

    P.S., it’s a shock for me to read your entries and see you swearing. Somehow I can’t picture you cursing.

  • Aaron

    on April 7, 2008 at 7:34 pm

    Wow. I’ll just go ahead an write an addendum here.

    After reading through the comments to this post, it made my skin crawl to note all the fawning attempts to share what were thought to be unique visions of philosophy, or to see the subject of the blog employed as an excuse to try and make a connection with the author. “This is house me, this is work me! This is blah blah me, etc. I want to tell you who I am!” You guys…you’ve got to try this hard with someone who will actually reciprocate. Especially you, man, the guy who left his email.

    There are two sides to celebrity, I guess. I wish when I had my own sleepness nights and unanswered questions, I had a hundred wracked responses too, larded with “sweeties” and “honeys” to soothe my troubled spirit. On the other hand, all that attention would send me over the bend.

  • Simon

    on April 8, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    I’ve always wondered whether on the internet the brain was fooled into thinking it was talking to itself.

    The you, or the ‘me’, that most interests me is the one that never gets to be shown. When you’re in a situation where who you are seems to define the world in which you live, if only for a while. When your inner world ‘can’ fit your outer world without change.

    I always find that by travel, by being unknown and alone. Do you?

  • 2Perfect

    on April 8, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    Wow great post. I don’t even know what to say. Haven’t seen one of these in a while. Very true and thought provoking.

    But really, I find myself more honest, more open when I’m talking from the computer. When I’m talking to my parents, my friends, etc. things are quite different, unintentionally different, but different nonetheless.

  • Gleydson Macedo

    on April 11, 2008 at 9:27 am

    Well, sometimes you could be “part-time” Allison and take care of all those “issues”. Hehehehehe…

    If your grammar is bad, I don’t know what is left for me. 😛

    Hope this merging of all ALLisons makes you feel good.

    Cheers!!!

  • Tanya

    on April 14, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    I just discovered your site and am intrigued by this topic. I also have struggled with the thought of which aspect of me is more true to myself, but I take solace in the fact that I can adapt to each situation and that I change a bit with each new day, each new experience. I can’t be defined as a person because of my ability to change. As for what kind of person I am, I use a diamond as a metaphor. Each facet reflects a different side of me and some facets are ‘shown’ more than others, depending on the situation.

  • reza

    on April 17, 2008 at 12:28 am

    Ms.Mack, even though i just knew you from small screen of Smallville as the Brilliant Chloe Sullivan and you are living on other sides of my earth, i felt like we were just the same. I have to literary wear veil every time i meet other men without any family ties and be the perfect woman which be “Be Smart but Dont be too smart or no man will look at you twice”. I dont hate it but sometimes i ask to myself, “Who i am or who i want to be”

  • Christopher

    on April 19, 2008 at 2:57 am

    Allison–I love it that you’re so fucking REAL! Keep up the good work! Btw, love you on “Smallville”, even if you are the most underrated star of the show! You make it shine!

  • Andrew

    on April 19, 2008 at 3:29 pm

    Well, there is an interesting theory I once heard, funnily enough, on a Star Trek TNG episode. The theory states that every individual is in fact a composite of thousands of microscopic individuals that exist within ones body. Each has it’s own personality, hopes, dreams, and desires that seep out and portray themselves through the large individual that is us. At any given time, any one of these individuals can take over dependent on the situation.

    For example, Internet You takes hold due to the fact that, most of the time, you never see the person with whom you’re conversing through text. This allows you to almost completely ignore the reaction you would have to face when actually seeing that person. Thus the courage of Internet anonymity sets in.

    You’re not alone, everyone in the world has their own set of multiple personalities. Which is why everyone is just a little bit crazy. 🙂

  • Angela

    on April 21, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Hi, Allison! I’m Brazillian, and I’m not very good with foreing languages, so, please, don’t get scared with any mistakes you find in my text! I don’t think you will really read this, but I’m writting. I love your show, “Smallville”, and I think it’s not necessary to say everyone there is doing a really good job (oh, I’m a “Chlark” fan; you and Clark together are simply fantastic!)! I have already seen all the episodes, and I can’t find words to say how much I like to watch this amazing serie. Reading this post, I said: “wow, sometimes I feel just the same!”; in front of a computer sometimes I say things in a way I don’t do in person.

    That’s all.

    kisses from Brazil

  • Michael

    on August 6, 2008 at 3:19 am

    How am I not myself?

  • Aziza

    on December 17, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    hmmm, all our different sides makes us who we are. Besides, it’s no fun being one dimensional. Though some sides of people may surprise others that know them personally. I remember one girl saying that she hated multiple personalities but I just love them, once they’re not the sweet girl next door turned axe swinging maniac. You discover new things about people every day and in myself I’m constantly looking for ways of re-creation. Yeah, but being online I’m slightly different from what I am in real life but I hope I don’t come across as a hypocrite.

  • Aziza

    on April 3, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    Don’t you just wish to put one dimensional people through a paper shredder?