“When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When after a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on- series polygamy-until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise, is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.”

“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just wont adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as an accomplice. Instead of vowing to honour and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words “make” and “stay” become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.”
-Tom Robbins

New beginnings, one door closes and another opens. Painful?
Fuck yes.
Love? What the hell is it?
I am trying my best to figure it out.
Perhaps it is a mirror for us to reflect all of our most beautiful memories.
A painting of sorts, each color a part of us we wish to hold and embrace at all times.
The most favored part of our bodies, the upper thigh, the belly button.
The pace to be kissed, only on the outside looking in.
A four letter word, destined to be used for cussing, swearing, promising, obligating, upholding, embracing, ordaining, calling, questioning.
Looking farther than oneself. Knowing more than just oneself. Understanding something other than oneself. And so, infinitely deepening the understanding of oneself.
What the fuck?

“Unconditional love comes when the relationship shifts from wanting to be validated to wanting to be known. and both people must not only want to know the other, but want to be known themselves.”
-Iris Murdock


Add yours Comments – 76

  • Tom

    on May 28, 2009 at 6:29 am

    Love is King!

  • jesse

    on May 28, 2009 at 7:20 am

    There are things I just, I will write on the next one. umm


  • Jenny

    on May 28, 2009 at 8:10 am

    Love is so complicated. I should know in recent days. I was in love with someone. Someone who I thought I knew so well,only to find out I didn’t know them at all. I found myself asking…Who is this person?

  • ryan rydell

    on May 28, 2009 at 11:06 am

    i read a comment here than stated “Love is such a subjective emotional state of mind, and is truly different for everyone. Whether it’s the blush of new love or a relationship that has lasted decades, love ebbs and flows like the moon driven tides. It’s never the same thing twice and it’s never the same for two people.”

    well, in respect i must disagree.

    Emotions have definitions, sad, mad, happy, etc… all are known as their respective single states. If Love is an “emotional state” than it must not be “subjective” or changing at all…there must be a single way of knowing what it is you are feeling, and if the emotion that is “love” changes, than how will we know that it is love at all???

    You see, in the simplest of context, LOVE never changes at all. we do.

    brother – lover, fall in – fall out, give – take, change – remain…all this is subjective to what WE DO, not what LOVE IS…its the way we react to it, not the original emotion at all.

    of course, if you want to be really edgy about it, you could say that love isn’t an emotion at all…but thats another conversation all together.

    Allison said it best, and i quote:

    What the fuck?

  • Amanda N.

    on May 28, 2009 at 11:40 am

    I’m glad you enjoyed that quote Ruthie,I myself thought it to be very poignant.

    And Jenny I’m sorry to hear that it didn’t work out with that special someone you thought you loved.It has happened with me a few times.But it mostly involves seeking out friends.You think the person is wonderful and you know them so well.Then all of a sudden you find out that they were nothing of what you thought them to be.It sucks cause your totally crushed and you think you’ll never get past it,but eventually you do.

    Don’t worry you’ll find your true love,that one person you were meant to always be with.Everyone has that its just difficult obtaining it.But I know when it happens, it will be so magical and amazing.I think that’s the only reason I am holding out hope.

  • Adam Justice

    on May 28, 2009 at 11:46 am

    ‘Still Life with Woodpecker’ is one of my favourites 🙂

  • Meghan N

    on May 28, 2009 at 12:39 pm

    Take away love and our earth is a tomb. – Robert Browning.


  • Pete

    on May 28, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    Love can be that feeling inside you get when you have someone whos there for you and you can trust each other. And your not feeling lonley and alone.

  • Jamie

    on May 28, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    “Love? All We Need Is Love!!!”

    I believe in it, because everyday I live in it. I see it in my 7 mth old’s daughter everytime she smiles. I feel it in my heart everytime she is sleeping.

    Love I feel but, from that love I feel Fear. So yeah it is the most wonderful and uncontrollable emotion out there.

    Thanks for making me think

  • Robin

    on May 28, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    Normally with this blog, i read the various comments and the write my own thoughts within a few minutes, with today’s subject i’ve read and spent my whole day thinking…

    Love in all it’s many forms is magical, uncontrollable, pure and complicated.

    Love is all about compassion for others and oneself, of understanding and devotion.

    This “Dead Poets” society has listed some really wonderful quotations on the subject of love, thank you.

  • Amanda

    on May 28, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Wow, I’m trying to get caught up on all of allison’s blogs. You miss a few days and you miss out on a lot!

    Back to the blog…I have to agree with a few of the other posters. The greatest example of unconditional love is parent/child. A mother and her newborn. And the love that God has for His children. They love us no matter what. “No matter what” seems simple but in everyday life that’s huge. It means there are no limits to what you can do to remove that love. That’s astounding to me. I find myself so often loving with strings attached. I find myself loving “because of” not “in spite of”. I know there is nothing I could possibly do that would make my mother or my Heavenly Father stop loving me. That simply amazes me.

    Someone already quoted one of my favorite scriptures from 1 Corinthians. I’m going to quote it again but this time in a different version. It’s 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

    “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

    That’s how I define love.

  • Raven

    on May 28, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    you always make me look at things in a different light, i love that.

  • Crystal

    on May 28, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    Love is purity; Love is clarity. Love carries the world on its shoulders. Love is intransigent and an embrace. Love is an answer and another question? Love is to nurture. Love is an unequivocal. But love is love not lust nor hate, it is beauty in all!

  • Tarah

    on May 29, 2009 at 2:17 am

    Love is acceptance. And you can only love someone else fully, if you accept yourself, if you truly love yourself. This is hard for a lot of people to do, because we tend to see our imperfections as flaws and not what makes a part of who we are. Life isn’t perfect and needs work to evolve and grow. Love is part of life, so logically it needs these elements too. For love to work you have to accept its flaws as well. For a romantic relationship to work, you need to accept that both people have flaws and love isn’t perfect either. This is hard to say the least, but trying to let go of expectations of ‘what things should be’ and accepting that what IS helps the struggle and growth and eventually deepens the love.

    Love is such an entwined emotion in life, how can you fully live if you do not love?
    Love is the air that I breathe, the way I choose to live.
    Love makes me fall in love with people who share their love with the world around them.
    Love can be selfish but also brings out the selflessness in me.
    Love is a million and one emotions entwined, complex and scary at times, fiery and fierce, exhausting to a point, yet I would never, not want to love.

  • Karen

    on May 29, 2009 at 2:34 am

    True love is NOT a feeling. It is an action verb. Feelings come and go, but true love is treating the other person with their best interest at heart. It is unconditional. Once you put conditions on loving someone, it is no longer love.
    Instead of us trying to find “the right person” we should, ourselves, try to be the right person for someone else. True love is totally unselfish. 1 Cor. 13 , as Amanda pointed out, is the what true love is all about.
    p.s. could we ease up on the F word on here? 🙂

  • Ross Daughtrey

    on May 29, 2009 at 3:24 am

    Last I heard “Love” was the name of Allison’s boyfriend. Perhaps that is the “hidden” meaning in to title and the quotes.

    “When you eliminate the impossible, whatever is left no matter how improbable must invariably be the truth!”
    Sherlock Holmes

    “A quote taken out of context is twice as damaging as any lie!”

  • Ulric

    on May 29, 2009 at 5:32 am

    Love is something that comes and goes, while it is meant to be long lasting, it seems to be like a phase we go through time and time again. How to love and not get hurt is something I have been working on for a while.

  • Silke

    on May 29, 2009 at 6:02 am

    I love my husband for 19 years since I was 18!
    He is my best friend, we can stay together 24 hours a day and it is beautiful! We work hand in hand and know what the other is thinking without talking. You thinks first of the other then yourselve.
    That is Love!
    (Sorry for my bad english)

  • Dream_Walker

    on May 29, 2009 at 6:55 am

    I have no idea how to define love, however i do feel i have only felt love for someone only once in my life, and i failed to express it (d0h). All i know is when time comes You will know when Youre in love with somebody, its this special kinda feeling like a warm blanket over You when You are with her or when Youre eyes meet seemingly randomly, they stop and u feel as if Ure stomach is filled with butterflys and She can see right into You, past all the bulls… that everyone else sees. Thats waht i think, however that was upto 6 to 7 years ago havent felt that again so far, am waiting though, just as they say, bette to be loved and lost than not to be loved at all eh? Keep having faith, DW

  • Vanessa (spain)

    on May 29, 2009 at 7:59 am

    Silke, that´s beautiful. I´m happy to know that some people feel like that with their partners 🙂

  • Aziza

    on May 29, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    True love doesn’t complete us, is not our better half. Sure, it makes us feel wanted, appreciated, respected but the validation comes true another person’s eyes. Learn to validate yourself first. You are whole even without someone to love you but feel blessed that there is someone who holds you in his or her heart. Sorry for the late comment. On the others!

  • Maria

    on May 30, 2009 at 2:42 pm

    Love. Uugh. Such a confusing and difficult topic for me. I can relate to what that first quote said about finding someone to complete you I’ve experienced with that feeling lately. But right now I’m in between wanting love and not wanting it in my life and realizing the different loves there are in my life. There’s the love God gives me, the love my family gives me, my friends give me. But what is it that makes me still want more? What is it about wanting to feel love for a certain other person that unhinges us so much?

    I’m trying to teach myself to love myself you know? Cause really that’s the love that matters above all else the love you have for yourself. I believe that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love another person. How can you give someone love and let them love you when you can’t do that for yourself? Then you’d be depending on that other person to fill you what you haven’t filled and that’s just unhealthy!

    To end this jeje If I could define what Love IS it wouldn’t be really the feelings between two people. I’d define it as a bond that you form with another person or people. As a bond that if it breaks it hurts but it’s hard to, it depends how deep it is. BUT it can strengthen easily.

    Srry for the late comment!



  • VonScheibler

    on June 1, 2009 at 8:35 am

    Oh, Merlin… to define love… to search for it. Can we do any of those? Aren’t we too rational, too conscious of our own nature to define it? We search for meaning, we try to understand – and fail everytime. Love is not action, love is sentiment – it’s abstract, not concrete, we cannot actually put it into words or it may just vanish. It’ll escape through our mind just like the sand we try hold on our hands… We cannot define or understand love! We should only live it – as long as it lasts. And we would be fools if didn’t admit that nothing really last forever (unless you count death, of course). Not even hate lasts forever and the human emotions are as transitory as time itself. Emotions are dependable on thoughts and actions – and every time you wake up, you are a different person, with different goals and desires. You learn something everyday, something that you cannot take back. You can’t just wake up and decide “hey, I don’t want these experiences, I don’t want this wisdom, because it makes me different than I was”. You have to face everything that life throws at you and move on. Sometimes, you can move on with someone at your side, sometimes, not. Sometimes, you have to just let her go because you’ve advanced too quickly – not to do so would be counterproductive. There is so much of your life you can stall for someone else, no matter how much sentiment, or love, is involved. With love, you must always be careful. It cannot become an obstacle in your life, and I mean ever. Otherwise, it won’t be pure anymore… it won’t be love anymore. It’ll just be something absurd that you’ll be calling love only for your own contentment.

  • Karen

    on June 1, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    “If love were a color, it would be the deepest of blues.” from Jaci Velasquez’s song “Crystal Clear” – give it a listen!

  • Cokes

    on June 2, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    Awesome blog Allison. I agree 150%. You rock. I was wondering if you weren’t busy, if I can send you a few questions pertaining to Smallville for my Youtube show Smallville Live! If you can’t i understand but all of your fans would truly love if you could answer some. Thank you in advance.

    A true fan.


  • Reed Kovelan

    on June 23, 2009 at 12:05 pm

    Your words are rich and filled with a kind of expressive imagery that allows one such as myself to truly perceive your thoughts and feelings. This is the beauty of art, the ability to portray your emotions in a way that makes them easily received by your readers. Your writing is truly amazing, and your gift of communication is one that could bring forth change in the lives of people and crack the firmament of modern literature. Thank your for the pleasure of experiencing your gift.