Aysha Says:
August 24th, 2008 at 9:44 pm

I always teeter and totter on the edge of either feeling that I give myself too much “me time” or the contrary in which I give too much “others time.” I never find that balance, and I struggle with that.

I still feel like I am selfish sometimes. I hate that feeling. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I feel if I treat myself too much, I am doing something wrong?

Aysha… I too struggle massively with the whole “guilt” complex of taking time to sit with myself, take a bath, or go home early. I have spent hours upon hours flogging myself for these discussions. So much so that I just stopped doing it all together.

It is interesting though, for someone raised on solid guilt, and I love and adore my family, but we definitely made it a hobby out of “Hail Mary’s.” I still make the decisions I want to make, and then almost for show, I will punish myself for that choice. It’s almost like it is a way for me to have my cake and eat it too; I get to hold my image in place. The image that I am someone who would not want to say no, or who would never put herself first, and yet, I get to do what I want.

Why I don’t simply cut the middle step and just be who I am, claim what I want; own my decisions and be real with myself and the people around me. How much more energy would I have? Jesus! It seems a bit endless.

So I guess to me, “guilt” is a wicked scapegoat that ultimately acts as a waste of time and energy, and “selfish” is an awesome manipulative term to get people to give you time and do what they want!



Anyone? Anyone?


Add yours Comments – 108

  • Diane Lizeth Olivo

    on August 28, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    I am tired of seeing my classmates be something they truly aren’t just to fit in with tehri friends…

    I like the way Allison makes you all express your thoughts and true emotions on here… I wish I could do that at my school… Because I really am lonely…

  • Mikael

    on August 30, 2008 at 2:38 am

    Diane Lizeth Olivo. Just hold on a few years, in collage we all belong.

  • Brittany

    on September 1, 2008 at 11:22 am

    Hey Allison, I know how you feel. The whole selfish complex is quite confusing. I find me sometimes asking myself, “Is it ok if I do this for myself instead of doing that for someone else”. It can be a very tough situation sometimes but I guess you have to follow your heart. Sorry I would definetly search up the word guilt but I don’t have a dictionnary off-hand with me. Ok well bye! XXXOOO Britt

  • Ashley

    on January 8, 2009 at 10:02 pm


    What I’ve learned in college from studying some deep philosophical meanings, is that guilt comes from something specific. There is only guilt if you love. Then, if you do something that feels wrong and that affects someone you love, you then feel guilty. I guess this is why some very bad people in the world do not have any guilt. They have no love.
    But this isn’t coming from me. It’s my cliff notes version of Freud’s “Civilization and Its Discontents”. But I think it makes perfect sense.
    My thoughts- So, if feeling guilty means that you do love, should you really feel guilty about something? Did you really do something wrong? Or is it simply a weakness that comes from showing your love? Maybe this weakness is a good thing. And is this experience that someone feels guilty about really bad? Because maybe you aren’t doing something wrong.
    Guilt is an interesting emotion…

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