So COOL!!!

Ok, so Tabby sent me this link from Robyn Herbert from Facebook (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQif24jIGWY) and I watched this doc and was very inspired! This whole “Extraordinary People” documentary series is super cool. I love the internet. I love the fact that you can just take up a series that you create and come up with and just run with it. We have such freedom to create whatever persona we like and take full ownership of what we uphold and put out in the world. Thanks to the new style of media, we have the opportunity to build any celebrity we want to build. That is so cool.

I am struggling to become the person I want to see in the world. I think my biggest struggle right now is embracing my own journey and having love and compassion for my own struggle. I want to be this great person who upholds humanity at all times, on one side, and then on the other I want to run away from any sort of responsibility and just feel as good as possible. The other side, the one who wants to feel good, has been the one that wins out mainly. This is something I can grow through, but man, is it ever challenging.

I went and saw an amazing play tonight with a very good friend of mine. It’s called “Gods of Carnage” and it looks at two couples and the way we relate. It was spectacular. I really took from it the idea that none of us are civilized, no matter how expensive the liquor or how fancy the shoes, we are all primitive under the shiny things. And really the beauty and the challenge is to spend your lifetime striving for evolution. But within this evolution one must first embrace the primitive, then move in to grow with joy and humility.

I feel so judgmental of my own human dynamic so often. Afraid to even play characters who may stray from being “good,” and yet, fascinated by the whole idea of a “dark side”. I am shooting a movie in June that profiles two characters on a destructive path who find hope within the other and choose the upholding path. It is beautiful, but the place I feel I am failing as an actress is around the destructive part. I think this has to do with the punishment I place on me when I see my own destructive behavior. And if I am to be really honest with myself, the punishment is just a way to get out of actually dealing with the behavior, taking responsibility for it, and moving forward.

Ah what a tangled web we weave.

Sorry for the ramble, I have a lot on my mind right now. All good, but swirls of thoughts I am trying to find a pattern in.

good night
xo
a

Add yours Comments – 47

  • Dana

    on May 1, 2009 at 5:49 am

    Isn’t is possible to uphold humanity and feel as good as possible concurrently? Why is this an either/or decision? If you are doing what you believe is right, if you are enthusiastically following the path you have set for yourself, then shouldn’t that also be the path that leads to the most enjoyment? What could be more uplifting than setting out to accomplish some goal and seeing it to fruition?

    I know I have often set rather lofty goals for myself that may initially require some self-sacrifice, but I believe in that sacrifice there is more joy to be found than in pursuing a path that is only for personal gain.

    Thoughts?

  • Avitable

    on May 1, 2009 at 5:55 am

    I’d think that maybe playing a dark character will also shed light on the nuances of who we all are.

  • arash

    on May 1, 2009 at 5:59 am

    Amazing. Not only Akrit Jaswal, But I am talking about your ‘rambling’! It must be an amazing experience to share yourself so honestly with other people. I guess we are trying to copy you here.

  • Beth

    on May 1, 2009 at 6:19 am

    Wow. That video was so amazing. I was just watching it in awe. A few times my jaw dropped so far it actually landed in my lap. Really makes me realize how much potential we all have, if only we put it to the test once in a while. Then we might be more successful than we thought possible.

    Also, I really admire you for being so open and honest Allison.

  • Irene

    on May 1, 2009 at 6:30 am

    I agree with arash, I am also amazed with your honesty, but it is also humbling…I hesistate in writing what I am about to write, because I fear that you’ll start to watch what you say- Please don’t.

    You see, I am a Minister of the “Gospel”, and people in my circles of influence are suposedly as honest as one could get, but I am what you might say the abstract one. I tend to challenge everyone with how I dress, I am abit of a punk in how I am. I know…I’m strange for what I do.

    I must say though, as a minister, in reading your blog, I see hypocracy in myself and those that influence me.

    I try to be honest, which is why I allow my personality to be expressed as “a minister”, I don’t believe we were created to be formatted to be the same. I believe we are ALL a unique expression of God’s diverse personality.

    Anyway, your honesty is humbling…thank you for putting yourself out there! Your struggle with-in is normal by the way…”it is written”.

    You touch my heart.

  • Carissa

    on May 1, 2009 at 6:57 am

    Hmm….I have to be honest, this is a lot of thinking for me to do in the morning…lol. Personally I’d love to see you in a darker role, I think you’d be good at it – and it’d be different, although it is really hard to play stuff outside of our ‘comfort’ zone. I had to play a slutty Phoebe in As You Like It and it was WAY out of my comfort zone.

    It is very humbling to hear you rant though, I think so many people are going through this ‘self evaluation’ phase right now that it could possibly drive us all crazy…just remember, i found doing something that makes me happy (just for me) is a way to keep my sanity through it all 🙂

  • Lydia

    on May 1, 2009 at 6:58 am

    I used to think that I’m not really doing anything meaningful and that I don’t have much to offer.
    It took me a long time to realize that I was wrong. I’m not a high profile person or a leader but, I’m making a difference, even in the simplest ways, maybe not as powerful as I would like but, it is with great love, passion and dedication.

    I would like to be a source of friendship and comfort, I would like to inspire,….
    Making a difference is a lifelong goal, …kindness and thoughtfulness, understanding and compassion, generosity and gratitude, respect and friendship… it makes me feel warm, absurdly happy, alive and grateful all over.

    Since I have started to enjoy the gift of life, I feel joyful, more confident and hopeful. Difficult times have definitely help me grow. It is tough sometimes but, it is empowering and inspiring to be on my own journey. I’m grateful.

    Allison, you are a great person!
    Your kind-hearted self, your infectious positive nature, your self-improvement attitude, your zest for life, your desire and efforts to make a difference, to inspire, to create…it all makes you a wonderful human being.
    It is only but normal that you are struggling too sometimes. It is a journey after all.

    Good luck with filming the movie in June.

    Thank you for opening up to us.

    Take care.

  • David Hayes

    on May 1, 2009 at 7:03 am

    I hope this isn’t too terribly off topic, but this is about the kind of struggling I’ve been doing to come to grips with what I have been doing and my future (if there is to be one).

    I guess Susan Boyle had the right attitude. She went on “Britain’s Got Talent” and no one imagined that she would really be able to sing and she blew them away. When the judges said that they never expected her to be able to sing and that she was wonderful, she took the complement. But did anyone see the insult? Why didn’t they think she could sing? Because she didn’t look polished or hot? Because she hadn’t been discovered by her age and they would have heard about her by then if she was any good? Having the vocal cords to sing like that has nothing to do with looks. Having the memory for lyrics has nothing to do with looks. Having the drive and dedication to refine your art has nothing to do with looks. Having that spark of artistry that allows you to interpret and pace and transform a song into something magical has nothing to do with looks or age or the person’s clothing. By assuming with conviction that Susan Boyle wouldn’t be able to sing, the judges and audience showed their prejudice. Yet Susan simply took their admiration at the end of it all.

    I guess I have a lot to learn from Susan Boyle. Tuesday, I tried to duck out of the job I’ve held for three years. Some people wanted me to go out to lunch with me to celebrate my work for their company, but I wasn’t in any mood to celebrate. I spent three years trying to show anyone and everyone that I was worthy of a permanent job. Instead they hired person after person with seminar certificates and training in how to look the part and follow lengthy processes that make a person look thorough and professional — people that I had to do the work for and endlessly explain things to so they could shine in meetings I wasn’t invited to. A month ago, the head of the department said he needed to let me go because people were assuming that I was an employee and he didn’t want there to e any doubt that I was a temp. He also said that I did so much work, that he would have to let me go or lay off three or four of the other employees that he had hired since I started working on site. So, I had an excuse to leave. The stress of it all was giving me severe abdominal pains that had been keeping me up nights and the last several months had been a never ending marathon to reach ever changing design goals. But I didn’t make my escape quickly enough. Word leaked out that I had finished my work and was leaving a couple days early. One after one, the upper management people started showing up at the door of the cubicle where I spent my time of ‘confinement.’ They raved about how they had never met anyone like me that worked so effectively on such a range of tasks and almost daily did what they considered to be impossible. They told me that they couldn’t possibly have been able to launch their latest products had I not been there and they would want me back sporadically in the months ahead to help them when their own people couldn’t solve problems they needed solved. I jokes with them and they laughed and were relieved that I didn’t give them a hard time. Then I grabbed my box of stuff and left. But I didn’t pull a Susan Boyle. I didn’t such up the appreciation and praise. All I could think was why they had kept the people that looked the part but couldn’t do the work and let me go. And I wondered why they felt they could put me on the shelf whenever they felt like it and get me down when they had blown it so badly that they needed me again. How am I expected to feed a family in the times between the sporadic work they throw my way. I don’t know how I will ever live with myself if I do lower myself to walk back in their doors again. But … my greatest skills are hone to THEIR needs. I shine my brightest in the work I have done for them. And, in my field, I am a well kept secret. I am the man who is behind the curtain and not to be disturbed. Every time I put myself out there for a new job, it is like Susan Boyle walking out onto that stage … except I don’t get a chance to sing until after I’m hired … and no one believes from what they see in me that I have anything to offer. The only way I have been able to get in the door is to sell myself cheaply and hope that, once someone realizes what they have gotten, they will pay me appropriately for what I do for them. But that doesn’t happen. The goose that lays the golden eggs only gets the chicken feed.

    So I need to learn from Susan Boyle, because I just don’t have it in me right now to prove myself all over again. So, for now, I’m on the shelf where I was put.

  • Ross UK

    on May 1, 2009 at 7:05 am

    “I really took from it the idea that none of us are civilized, no matter how expensive the liquor or how fancy the shoes, we are all primitive under the shiny things.”

    There’s an old proverb that says that people, for all our sophistication and civilisation, are only three meals from anarchy: deprive people for only a short time of food and mod-cons and they will revert to type – savages who will kill each other over a scrap of food or a trophy. It wouldn’t surprise me to find that to be true. Even with on a full stomach people display animalistic behaviours and pack mentatility, from mob behaviour to business practice. I’ve heard that the way people identify friend and foe in business/the workplace is the same way a shrewdness of apes (yes, apparently that it the collective noun for apes) identify which males are to be welcomed into the tribe and which are enemies. I’m not sure if that’s the sort of primitive that needs embracing before moving to grow. Would it be two steps forward for one step back or vice-versa?

  • Jesse

    on May 1, 2009 at 7:06 am

    Hi Allison

    I think this journey that you have embarked upon is amazing. It seems that you feel your morals are conflicting with your responsibilities as an actress. You feel you need to be honest with yourself. There is so much I can say, but I can say, Allison I think you are a good person. You have my support as your friend in everything you do and I hope it makes you happy. Yes I agree with the primitive man concept of acceptance and moving forward and growing. That is an amazing kid in the you tube video doing surgery at such a young age. always ummmm

  • Ross UK

    on May 1, 2009 at 7:11 am

    David, I’m sorry to hear that the feared for result has finally come about. Welcome to the ranks of the formerly-employeed. I hope you have more luck than I have had in fighting your way back into work.

  • Joel

    on May 1, 2009 at 7:17 am

    Hi Allison! My name is Joel Brandon – I am friends with you on Facebook and a huge fan of Smallville. I had a few thoughts on your blog.

    First off, what you are saying/thinking reminds me a lot of Clark Kent’s journey and struggle, wanting to “uphold humanity” but struggling with his own needs, emotions, and problems.

    Secondly, as a Christian, you have reminded me quite starkly of what Paul writes in the book of Romans in the Bible, that being Romans 7:18-25. Whether or not you know the passage already, I think you will find the parallel quite interesting. Here is the NIV:

    “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

    And the Message translation:

    “But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.”

    Anyway, sorry to clutter your blog but I felt compelled to respond! Thanks – if you actually read this it would be a great honor! Peace.

  • David Hayes

    on May 1, 2009 at 7:37 am

    Ross,

    There are a lot of us on this boat right now … and many still holding jobs and overworked and mistreated and afraid to fight back and lose their jobs too.

  • Robin Hebert

    on May 1, 2009 at 7:50 am

    Glad she found it….this is the link poster….Robin HEBERT….haha. (it’s pronounced A BEAR for all you French lovers….and I agree…that kid is the epitome of inspiration and genius….gifted by God

  • Robin Hebert

    on May 1, 2009 at 8:04 am

    What amazed me is that he “saw the cancer cure like a vision” just like Einstein saw relativity as if he downloaded it from God!!! What scares me is how safe is he if he comes up with the cure? Does the medical community really want him to find it? They would be out of a job!!! The hippocratic oath doesn’t matter sometimes.

  • MichaelD

    on May 1, 2009 at 8:10 am

    Most people on the planet are struggling to survive usually against their oppressive governments. They don’t have the luxury of self reflection nor do they have the freedom to pursue such paths. Meanwhile many of the free are just anxiously giving away their freedoms either to leader’s full of vacuous feel good platitudes or for the false promises of being taken care of.
    Personal growth, like individual freedoms should be embraced and treasured.

  • arash

    on May 1, 2009 at 8:17 am

    @Robin Herbert – I don’t think he is safe and those two guys on the backseat of the bus are heading India as we speak.

  • Jennifer

    on May 1, 2009 at 8:23 am

    That was an amazing video Allison. Thanks for sharing.

    I would love to see you play a darker role. Not that I don’t love your roles as a good girl.

    Good luck filming your movie in June,can’t wait to hear more about it later.

  • Tucker

    on May 1, 2009 at 9:25 am

    One thing for everyone to keep in mind – he said in an authoritative manner (oh, but not really) – is that you don’t have to do big, grand, sweeping things to make change or show compassion. Be a good friend. Make someone – at least one – smile each day, be it someone you know or don’t. Be courteous and respectful. Voice your opinions but be able to listen to others. The smallest fibers and threads are what is required to make up the strongest of quilts. Go out and do big things, make big changes on the world, if you’re so inclined and so passionate about it. Don’t forget the small, simple things as well. They are just as inspiring and lifting.

    And I think Avitable nailed it on the dark roles. They shed light on who we are just as validly as being a “good” person does. I know it’s tough but the one thing I’ve always taken to heart from an acting standpoint is never to judge the person you’re playing. Yeah, you hear it all the time and it’s actually against the grain of our humanity – you’re very much not alone in that, Allison. The role you might be playing might be ugly, but if you’re honest to the person of that role, those dark aspects will play.

    Perhaps this is just the role you need to help move past the punishment part of your process – in your own life as well as in your acting roles – and find new ways to own and live with the behaviors you talk about.

    Or it could just be a great release too.

  • arash

    on May 1, 2009 at 9:45 am

    One thing I am usually struggling with, is to find the line between good deed and hypocisy. Help someone but keep it quiet, Okay talk about it a little because the idea can help other people to learn how to help eachother. So may be talk about it a lot and world will be a better place. Now I am only talking and looking good but not doing anything at all, a perfect hypocrite.

  • Veronica/Susana

    on May 1, 2009 at 9:54 am

    I feel ya Allison because I feel like that all the time but sometimes I don’t know what side of me is winning. I always love coming on here because you always share stuff that just makes me like you even more not only as a person but as an actress too. Your always sharing these thoughts that alot of us have so it’s cool to see that a bunch of us are feeling the same way.

    Thanks Allison, Take Care

    Veronica/Susana

  • Jimmy Valentime

    on May 1, 2009 at 10:03 am

    First congratulations on the movie part !

    Is it a indie or a big project ….

    I been waiting forever for you to make the jump to the film screen …you’re a good actor …

    Don’t let yourself get to twisted in to a knot trying to find this characters darkness though

    I think for such a warm person you are really hard on yourself …

    people who are genuinely selfish or cruel… dont bother themselves with guilt about being selfish or cruel …

    only people who are not crazy ever ask if they are crazy

  • Jade Ruby

    on May 1, 2009 at 10:19 am

    That was an amazing video, and an amazing person. I truly hope he does find the cure for cancer in the direction he is taking, or even if he were to find another direction to be effective. Profit, ha.

    Allison, you are so able to articulate the struggles so many of us are going through. I most certainly wish I had the ability to just ignore my inner conflicts and pursue the productivity that I want to accomplish. I like the way Steven Covey, author of “Seven Habits…” says that we struggle to truly “get” the meaning of competition in human civilization, hence now we have the global economic crisis. But I am aware that there aren’t too many shortcuts, but I certainly don’t need to go out yelling in the streets of my frustration (while not at a protest meeting, heh), though maybe a couple of good yells could be cathartic.

    I had what seemed to me a random conversation with a random guy the other day. Upon reflection, I now wonder was it one of the men that I helped in the past? He remembered me, but I didn’t remember him. Guess I got to get back to it without them silly assed side tracks.

  • Tucker

    on May 1, 2009 at 10:29 am

    Wow. That documentary was tough. You could easily see both sides regarding Akrit. Being touched by genius that others can’t grasp. Missing the simplicty of life that allows experience to help guide our actions. I couldn’t help but feel like the professors/doctors/scientists were both helping and hindering the boy. It’s such a very fine line. Do you put a check on what could be one of the most amazing minds in the field? Do you let that mind go unchallenged and ill-experienced?

    I have to say that really leaves me torn. You got a feeling like the established academics had an overwhelming desire to squash what the boy is capable of. That they wanted to impose their own limitations on Akrit because they couldn’t grasp anything else.

    But you also say that Akrit doesn’t have much of the practical skills of life. He has been sheltered in a way. You can’t deny that these professionals say how that could be both destructive and inhibiting to someone looking to make such strides in the world. And we all know the arguments about book smarts versus street smarts, learned intelligence versus practical and applied intelligence.

    There has to be a balance. I firmly believe that. I felt their care and concern for the boy, in addition to their admiration of what he is cognizant of. I also felt in some fashion like they were looking to put limits on him because “that’s the way you do things.”

    Such a fine distinction with those touched by genius.

    But also an amazing display of just what humans – mind, body and soul – are capable of.

  • Sherann Johnson

    on May 1, 2009 at 11:24 am

    I think that you would like this poem that I sporadically wrote one day.

    When you were born you were given life
    God molded you and gave you this life
    For a time you had someone to tell you right from wrong
    But what about when that someone said
    It’s all you…go get em’ kid
    They still support you in all you do
    But the time has come for you to choose
    Now I know that this life does not come without trails
    We all have our ups and our downs
    But what will you do when life feels like you could drown
    Will you face that path with shadows and monsters
    Where at the end there lies great treasures
    Or will you lie in your bed and wait for better weather
    There may be a path where the road looks much better
    Where there is light and flowers grow
    But it may not take you anywhere
    Because our trials are the things that help us grow.
    Our lives are short and we only live once
    Once to make that right choice
    Once to choose which way you will go
    Once to choose to say yes or no
    Once to inspire or misbehave
    Once to dream and choose which way
    Only once are you given life
    There may be second chances within that one life
    But how many chances will you need to make it right
    Live your life the way you want to
    Soar to great heights
    And make that right choice
    Live your life to your fullest ability
    It’s your life! don’t let anyone stop you
    Walk down that path with your head held high
    And don’t let anyone ever stop you from living your life

  • william

    on May 1, 2009 at 11:50 am

    I agree with everyone allison, thankyou for being so open and honest, so real. Its inspiring because we all deal with trying our best, to be the person we should be. The fact that you think so much about it shows your winning the fight, keep it up! Its amazing to really know allison mack as a person, not just a actor. We can all be the person we should be so dont lose hope! The blog is great because of this type of real life stuff. thankyou,
    william

  • Netra

    on May 1, 2009 at 11:55 am

    I find that when I look in the mirror long enough, I am bound to find something that I don’t like about myself…something that I am not prepared to correct….I feel like you stare in the mirror…..and you will always come back with something about yourself that is unsatisfying…..I try to look out of the window these days instead. I find it much more aestheticly pleasing!!! LoL…not that I avoid self-reflection, I just try to deal with my quirks as they come up…and to tell the truth I really don’t have much luck with it….so I wish you the best on your journey, one that I am terrified to take!

  • Tiff

    on May 1, 2009 at 11:59 am

    woah woah woooaah. That video was ridiculous! What an amazing kid! Most kids that age are worried about their parents buying them a bike, or what excuse they can use to get out of school for the day. Seeing someone so young be so selfless was my favorite part of the whole video. What an amazing litte human being! 🙂 Thanks for sharing this!

  • MarilyneL

    on May 1, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Woah! I saw that video on Oprah, maybe a year ago, but still, I am as amazed by this genius boy and his aim to cure the world.

    Regarding our primitive side, you’re right, we have to accept it and to then, evolve. Some things or behavior that I notice strongly show our animal instinct, just as people, showing their teeth when angry or the back up move when scared, hide your face, etc.:P

  • Robin

    on May 1, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    Some really great comments above on a really fascinating post.

    I’m certainly no actor, but watching and reading characters who have dark sides to their personality is very compelling and even this I struggle with…why?

    I guess all depends on our point of view, I don’t think evil people ever really consider they are doing evil things, they justify their actions as correct, it’s just that others may disagree.

    I, along with (hopefully) most people like to think of myself as being a “good” person-whatever that is. Yet as much I’d like, unfortunately I often say (and write) stupid things, or act in a way which is less than the “perfect image” I hold of myself, either by being too lazy, spoilt or impatient, and it’s very difficult to admit that in reality I am capable of as many nasty thoughts and emotions as noble ones.

    There are characters in many stories which are over the top evil, and are a lot of fun to read and watch and there are those which although exhibit evil actions, have enough characteristics in which we the audience can invest ourselves in and if not always agree with, at least in some part understand.

    Glad you enjoyed the play and good luck with the film project in June!

  • Tom

    on May 1, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    A seven year old surgeon…truly inspiring! I love what the boy said – it takes a certain level of concentration. I think most of us have too much noise and clutter in our life to dedicate that kind of concentration to most of the things we do. Think what we could become, what we could accomplish with “a certain level of concentration.”

    You’re the best Allison.

  • Robin Hebert

    on May 1, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    I agree with Tom and the reason so many people are scatterbrained at times is because they haven’t learned how to be in the moment. We have an idea and it sounds great metaphysically but we justhave so much bombarding us as individuals. If we could focus our energies into the tasks we do with purpose and passion….life would have meaning!

  • Brittany

    on May 1, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Hey Allison! I have to agree with some of the bloggers, you are too hard on yourself! I think playing a darker role would be awesome. I’m currently working on a play at my school, and I get to be the anti-social person. It’s exciting and you get to be a non-you, which is fun, because you get to explore all the possibilities and the boundaries of a character. I can’t wait to hear more of this new movie you’re doing in June. I honestly wish you the best of luck in fixing that destructive part and behaviour of your life. We all ramble on! But it’s great that you’re so honest with us and that you spend so much time with us and pour your heart and soul into this community! To me, that molds a great and terrific person, which you are in every way. I completely enjoyed the video. That boy is a hero. I truly hope he gets to find the cure. Thanks for sharing this with us!

    Much love & support,
    BrittanyXOXOXOXOXO

    P.S. Have a terrific weekend!

  • Mahshid G

    on May 1, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    I enjoyed that video and seeing Akrit reflect a bit on what the professors told him. It definitely made me think about my life and always trying to achieve this greatest that others believe there is in me. It’s is great to be optimist and an idealist, but I always have to remind myself to be a realist (and that is often the hardest to do).
    Also, I would like to say that your poem, Sherann Johnson, was beautiful and I hope you don’t mind me keeping it as a reminder to myself about my struggles in life.

    Thank you.

  • Aziza

    on May 1, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    I’m glad David Hayes mentioned Susan Boyle and I think the most amazing thing about her was – not that she could sing (and wonderfully so) but that she didn’t let them control her attitude. And of course everyone ’embraced’ her when they heard her voice. But if she couldn’t sing, was just a lady not really interested in singing and one of the judges were just passing her on the street, would they even take a second glance at her. I don’t think so. It was a feeble attempt at an apology but she was so warm hearted. She is a lady who believed in herself. She knew how they were going to react and she just shrugged it off. Good for her!

    I wish I was more like that. It seems I always look at what others would say. But ever since this year I’m constantly challenging myself to be better- it’s like I’m leaving the old life behind. Still working on it.

    Allison, in your quest for self improvement always remember to believe in yourself and know that God is always at your side. People love to hide their faults- people want to look perfect and have others look at them and not find a single flaw. And when that perfection actually happens (if it does happen), we stop growing, we stop developing- it’s the end, we have it all- so what do we do then?

    Humans have the potential to do better, to grow, to learn, to strive for more (not in the material sense) but in that whatever you gain and share with others, you will never lose any of it.

    And while everyone strives for self improvement, know that you are just a working model. We have faults we get rid off and probably faults we may get but see each fault overcome as walking one step up the stairs.

    Good look with your film Allison!

    *hugs*
    Aziza

  • paul

    on May 1, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    “Afraid to even play characters who may stray from being “good,” and yet, fascinated by the whole idea of a “dark side”. I am shooting a movie in June that profiles two characters on a destructive path who find hope within the other and choose the upholding path. It is beautiful, but the place I feel I am failing as an actress is around the destructive part.”

    Go for it! Embrace it! For me, that is what is wonderful about the arts: the opportunity to explore the extreme, the destructive, the “bad”. In (relative!) safety!

    I have just finished reading Homer’s Iliad. Savage, primal, noble, glorious… frightening in its honesty about what we humans are. Fascinating, that originally concepts like “noble” and “hero” were based in pride, ruthlessness, and downright joy in things we now strive to suppress.

    I think you are a great comic actress. You’re a natural at projecting a sunny, upbeat disposition. Going the other way could be fascinating. Be bold!

  • Robin Hebert

    on May 1, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    I agree with Brittany too….you are hard on yourself! You are a blessing to so many people! And a great actress too. We look forward to seeing more of your work.

  • Tyler

    on May 1, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    My life has been a constant struggle for as long as I can remember. I grapple with the same issues as you, Allison. Until recently, I decided that I (emphasis on I) wanted to be two people. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to be a “city on a hill” which could not be hidden. I wanted to give hope, encouragement, love, light, comfort, and compassion to everyone I ever met. On the flip side, I wanted to be the exact opposite of all those things. I wanted the responsibility of the world to rest in someone else’s hands. I wanted to blend in, to be a “nobody.” I wanted people to stop looking up to me.

    What I’ve essentially come to realize is the power of influence. Parents, friends, preachers, and teachers all build you. Everyone wants you to fit into their world (after all, they are trying to build a perfect life for themselves just like you are trying to build one for yourself). They persuade and they manipulate you. But this is not to destroy you. It’s for, what they perceive, to be in your (and their) best interest.

    In the end, it is you that creates your reality. You create the life you want. People need to be in it, but they have to play by your rules. You have to sit down, KNOW exactly who you want to be in life and be.

    You are a very interesting individual who lives a life worthy of respect. Take Care of yourself and others. TT

  • MichaelD

    on May 1, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    I guess my comment was too reality based.
    I thought it was thought provoking and isn’t that the purpose?

  • NicK

    on May 1, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    We crossed paths at O’Hare airport last year and I was too nervous to speak to you. After reading some of your insightful blog posts. I’m sorry I didn’t.

  • Dick B

    on May 1, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    It is thought if you pull as few as 10 people out of human history you would have chaos, maybe as few as 5. It would be a wonderful thing to be a firespotter and recognize these people as they come.

  • BOUROUX

    on May 1, 2009 at 10:15 pm

    Hi Allison.
    First congratulations on the movie part !
    you are hard on yourself.
    Feel just as good as possible can make great things because we are motivated, we are brimming with enthusiasm and we are open mind. To make people happy around us, it must first be.

    “but the place I feel I am failing as an actress is around the destructive part.”
    Allison, do not worry. you did a great job with Chloe this season which is more obscure. Your scenes with Clark where you might play the manipulating girl to protect him are amazing.

    “two characters on a destructive path who find hope within the other and choose the upholding path.”

    It’s an amazing story of hope. Each human being have a second, a third chance to learn of his mistakes. I think the film have an happy ending.
    this film shows that life should be lived. It is refreshing to see people who had lost their bearings back on track. This kind of film we think about our prejudices and compassion.
    Good look with your film Allison!

    Good night.
    Claude.

  • Jose

    on May 1, 2009 at 10:28 pm

    You are absolutely right, you might not know the journey you are on, yet you have a sense of where it might be leading you. Ironically it is you who draws the path wile inching your way forward in life not knowing what lies beyond the dark. Yet you accept that it is the right journey but at the same time the fear of not knowing where you are being lead to and what might be at the end of the road throws your mind into a state of entangled thoughts as you second guess whether or not you are doing the right thing. Yet you often come to realize that you keep on moving forward and this, I think is one of the most difficult and burdensome things that a lot of us go through.

    As cheesy as it may sound, when you know and understand, as you said, the humanity within yourself, but at times tend to shut it out from the world. This struggle of showing people your journey: who you are, who you want to be, and what you want to do. And then hiding it from them and most importantly yourself. A lot of us don’t want to admit such a struggle, at times we even ignore it and, like you said, we give in and loose ourselves to a lie that plagues us for days, months, even years. We, like you said, “run away from…responsibility.” We take the easy way and its understandable. No matter how insignificant we think our struggles are, deep down in our conscious we know they are grater than ourselves. Hell, sometimes we just don’t want to deal with any of that we just want to be oblivious to the problems within ourselves and the problems that surround us as they cast a dark and somber shadow over us. Sometimes we just want to be in a state of ignorance and blend in with those already in it whom seam to have the best times. However, no matter how much we try to run away and escape what is. We can’t do it because you know the true nature of your “journey” even so we still ignore it. Like you said, This is a challenge that is bigger than what most people think. This can be adapted to many aspects of our lives.

    In your case, avoiding “dark roles” symbolic to your running from the destructive behavior and avoiding responsibility. At times we fear a given choice we might take, especially when it challenges everything that we think we are. Yet we are intrigued, fascinated by such a fear. It lures us as we wonder what might be on the other side. We question whether it might be something good and rich, or something worst than what we thought. Such a fear paralyzes us with intrigue.

    In the end, you can never know what lies beyond the unknown. It might be worst than what you expected (and realize it is not for you) or it might be better (you might find something new about yourself , a new form of expression) whatever the case by making the choice and doing what you want to do (only you can know what that is, and you do) you embrace your journey which then allows you to build and draw what that journey might be. Embrace your humanity, good and bad and grow, become a better person, your true self as you continue to play your part in making this a better world : )

    Well, hope this helped any one who read it. If not, I’m sorry for making you read so much.

  • clay

    on May 2, 2009 at 3:34 am

    Thanks for sharing your life with your fans, it’s certainly nice to know that our heroes *or heroine in your case :)* face some of the same difficulties that we have to face. You seem awefully at ease sharing all of your thoughts, so does this mean we can expect an autobiography anytime soon? Or do we have to wait until we’re all old LOL!!!

  • Beth

    on May 2, 2009 at 9:48 am

    I really enjoyed Sherann Johnson’s poem. It was beautiful. And, like clay, I also appreciate that you are willing to share your thoughts with your fans, Allison. I’m very grateful for that.

  • ScannerWA

    on May 2, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    There are a lot of interesting observations you’ve made, and I’m jealous that you’re taking this journey, remembering my own similar realization of people and mankind so long ago. You’re right, of course, human beings are selfish, uncivilized, personal creatures. There is a lot to despise in man, but so many wonderful things as well… kindness vs. violence, wisdom vs. selfishness (I’ve found they are in fact translatable opposites), and so on. I envy your passion and openness. 🙂 Don’t lose that!

  • Anon

    on May 2, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    “I really took from it the idea that none of us are civilized, no matter how expensive the liquor or how fancy the shoes, we are all primitive under the shiny things. And really the beauty and the challenge is to spend your lifetime striving for evolution. But within this evolution one must first embrace the primitive, then move in to grow with joy and humility.”

    I vehemently disagree if my understanding of what you said is correct. To imply that we are not civilized is to debase us. Even animals live in communities that follow rules of conduct. If that is not what you meant, but meant that our standard of civility is not based on the external trinkets we have, but on our norms of behavior, then I believe you chose your words poorly. Your idea was simply a reflection of the phrase “we don’t own material things, they own us”, or something along those lines. We all have or physical, base, or “lower” desires. We all have to go the bathroom, secrete fluids that are typically seen as “gross” such, have sexual desires that need to be fulfilled, that are all part of life. These facts do not make us primitive because we have something that elevates us: our intellect. What does make us primitive is not using that intellect responsibly and transgressing the bounds. Is it worse to not have something beneficial, or is it worse to have that beneficial thing and not use it?

    Allison, all of us have questions that we can’t answer all of the time. And it is often times a very good process to express concerns, thoughts, feelings, etc. out loud to third parties to get a sense of where one stands with respect to others, but sometimes when I read your blog, I get a sense of aimless wandering without any type of attempt to really seek a resolution. In other words, there is no real practical application to the process. It is a sort of questioning for the sake of questioning. I say this with the utmost sincerity, and mean no offense at all. I just think you need to really tackle what it is your trying to find that is obviously missing in your life, despite seemingly having more material benefits than other “regular” people due to your career. Everyone seemingly wants joy in their life and to be happy. I think people ought to rather search for contentment.