I have made some huge life decisions recently, but all of them seem to be coming from a place of love rather than panic. Is this what it means to get to know yourself? Making choices from a place of honesty and love rather than necessity and panic?

Not bad, Mack, I think you may be getting it.

And yes, I just spoke about myself in the third person. Give me a break, it is 3:21 in the morning in Prague and I am desperately trying to make sense of things.

xoxo
a

I have recently been reflecting on the beauty of humility and the amazing things that come with letting go of your own expectations and pride. It’s almost feels like you are able to experience more of your life. I never saw how much pride I carried with me until I came up against my own image and saw how obvious it was that I wasn’t who I was claiming to be. Now for me, this was a huge deal.

Being an actress for most of my life, I have always been very comfortable doing what I was doing. I almost had an air of cocky-ness about the way I worked and behaved. This cocky-ness resulted in some humor and confidence, but also frustration and entitlement. I often chose to relate to people in a way that was very volatile and unpredictable. The weirdest part about this is that I really didn’t know any other option in which to operate. I had been so used to doing it the same way for so long that I completely shut down the option of there being another way. It’s like that story about the fleas in a jar; put a bunch of fleas in a jar and stick a glass lid on it and the fleas will jump and hit the lid a few times and eventually stop jumping so high. Remove the lid and the fleas will continue to stay in the jar. They don’t know the option of jumping out exists until one of them finally does it. This changes everything for all of them. We are like that, us humans, jumping just below the non-existent lid we once came up against.

I think the purpose of life is to grow, inspire, create, relate and love. The only way we truly do these things is by being in the experience of life, looking for your failures in regards to how you are being in your life and seek to evolve, or as my friend says “transcend”.

If we have an idea of where we are going in regards to who we want to be, then we steer the ship in this direction. When we fall off course, we find the best way to adjust the wheel, turn back on course.

It is my belief that this is what sets us apart from animals, or fleas . I also believe it is one of the most beautiful qualities we have as a species, abstract thought and the ability to inspire and be inspired.

So I encourage each of you to take a good long look at your pride in who you think you are, design who you would ideally like to be, and check in with who you practice every day. If we look at life as an experiment, the hypothesis being your ideal self and the process of experimenting being your every-moment life-choices, wouldn’t it feel a lot easier to challenge your pride? Come up against who you think you need to be? Make the top priority becoming who you want to be, and enjoying the ride?

It’s like the ultimate science fair. With people all around you on the same journey. I’m thinking there wouldn’t be as much violence and oppression. But again, maybe I am naive.

Just some thoughts on this fantastic Sunday evening.
ox
allison

Hey, team! I hope everyone has been enjoying the little video blog thingies that my dear Tabby has been throwing up over the last little bit. They’re really cool, and, well, let’s be honest… I love to talk, so they’re really fun for me to do as well. I’ve been so inspired as of late, and I’m feeling more and more consistently aware of how lucky I am to be living this life.

I’m looping around and around in my head about that grand and overbearing question “Why am I here?” Just recently, I’ve come to a somewhat vague, but kind of nice conclusion—I think I’m here to make stuff and appreciate stuff that others have made… To spread joy, passion, and enthusiasm through my own experience and expression in the world—simple, right? I kept thinking that my “purpose” had to be this ridiculously complicated thing, but when I get down to the core of it all, it feels like the only real significant reason any of us is here is to find our true selves and the things that make us unique from anyone else in the world, and to express that in a joyful and honest way. I guess the journey of life is whatever happens while you are on the quest to do so… I like this.

Maybe it is because of my fear of failure, but this seems to make the approach to failing and trying new things really exciting rather than daunting. I mean, if I could truly look at everything I do for what it is, just another way to understand and express me in the world, it would kind of take the edge off the outcome. So now, it’s just taking the steps to do so and trying to be compassionate with myself when I get off track or get confused or caught up in other things. What do you think your purpose is? It’s such a weighted word that I don’t think we ever really explore… So let’s do that! I don’t know… Chew on it if you want and share… Throw your hat in the ring. I mean, why not? Right?

Oh, and hey! I never let you all know what happened with my birthday gift that you so beautifully gave to me! I donated it to a theatre project dedicated to aiding all people in their pursuit to finding and expressing their passion in the world. The company is called World Audience Productions, and it’s run by a friend of mine who believes that we can use theatre and acting as a way for people to overcome their greatest fears and truly get in touch with what it means to express themselves in a joyful and exciting way!

I have such a passion for theatre, and I really believe that it can do so much more for this world and the people in it than just simply entertain. The woman who’s building this theatre company is working towards developing a place where all people can come and explore themselves through the art of theatre and acting. It’s really beautiful to see some of the things I value most in my life combined and actualize. Thanks so much again all of you! I’m so constantly overwhelmed by the amazing support and enthusiasm I get from all of you beautiful people! YAY!

Ciao for now,
Allison

PS—For those of you waiting for your pictures, you should be getting them this week, and I hope you all receive them okay! If you don’t receive them by U.S. Thanksgiving, please contact Tabby.

Okay, so in case you haven’t noticed, my site has changed! I love it! I think it is beautiful. So, I have decided to take this week’s blog and focus on change and the beauty of change; hence the two amazing quotes I am using this week as the inspiration. I am so totally in love with the phrase Mr. Cohen used, “in movement there is life, and in change there is power“. I just want to stand up and cheer when I read that! So often I get stuck in what I think is predictable and certain, like in some way that makes me more safe or more happy! What a ridiculous lie to tell myself! The truth of the matter is that I am only limiting my experience of my life! I want to be as full and rich and… and exciting as possible and if I really want to attain this goal I need to stretch. I need to change. The nessessity for taking risk is so huge; I can’t believe that I am only just recognizing. I think so often I get stuck in the same old same old because it feels “safe” and comfortable, but what a horrible theft from me!

Really, you have one shot at this! Why not make the most of it! I am using tons of “!” because I really want to express my excitment and passion for this concept!!!!!

Life is about living, not sitting, sleeping, coasting, and comforting! It’s about failure, up and down, forward and back… all the above! A great friend of mine was telling me about an amazing man she heard speak, and he was saying that when you go to see a film, the most exciting parts are when the characters are going through the most change. In essence, this is when the characters are going through the most struggle. Why would we ever want to cut out the most exciting parts of our life?

Ahh! How fun!

Ciao for now!

Allison

I love this quote. I am constantly surprised and moved by the words Einstein uses and the way in which he was able to spread such an immense amount of knowledge in one lifetime. I have really been seeing recently how small I make my world. I am surprised by the amount of evaluation that it takes to be a mindful and global thinker.

I feel as though I consume myself with what is directly in front of me without ever taking into consideration how this will then effect the rest of the world and I think that is a very dangerous pattern to fall into. It does feel like we, as a society, have moved into the “optical delusion of our consciousness” and it feels as though we are destroying each other because of it. In our attempt to create and solidify our own comfort we have lost that human quality called compassion.

Sometimes it feels as if somehow the people that are out of my direct contact don’t exist and therefore I shouldn’t think or be concerned about them and how my decisions effect them, directly. I have really been looking at myself lately, looking at the choices I have made for myself thus far and the choices I continue to make by the minute. What I see is a woman who is seeking compassion from the outside world, but is unwilling to give it herself. I expect others to behave in a way that I don’t behave myself. I expect others to have a worldly and mindful point of view, when in reality, that is usually the last thing on my mind when I am doing something. When I really started to see how consistent I am in this behavior and how destructive this behavior is to all of humanity, I did the least compassionate thing I could do– I punished myself, as though somehow that would evoke more compassion from me. Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but when I am punished for something, I am usually angry. So I was definitely not doing what I wanted to do.

In order for me to see compassion in the world, I must first have it for myself. Likewise, in order for the world to change, for us as humans to start behaving as though we are all connected in this “universe,” we must first connect with ourselves– really start to see ourselves for who we are… The good, the bad, and the ugly. I am so inspired by this concept, and I look forward to my quest towards creating a more loving, friendly, safe and compassionate world for myself and all others to thrive and grow within.

Thanks for the day

Allison

PS. Be sure to check out how to get a personalized autograph from me at AllisonMackOnline.com. We’ve also started up a SodaHead account for the polls here, and a MySpace account, so add me, we’ll add you back!