Well, that is how I am feeling right now. I am sitting in the airport in Vancouver, BC waiting to board onto my flight to Prague and I just feel different. I feel more responsible, more mature. I guess more me.

This is an experience I have had before, one I treasure, where I find I settle into myself a little bit more. I have spent the last 8 days doing an amazing course that is essentially an unbelievable workout for my introspective self. And although my heart and mind are tired and sore from using them so much, I feel the blood rushing to both in a way I have never before felt.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for learning, growth, and just human beings in general. Why am I here? I have no real clue. But to exercise each minute with as much presence and joy as possible will be a good place to start exploring. I am amazed by what we can build and develop within ourselves when we are gifted with the aid of thoughtfulness and study. Last week I saw the Dalai Lama speak and I was inspired to look at what I believe a teacher is. The conclusion I came to is that we are all teachers, teaching in every moment. But there are some special people who seek to dedicate their lives to teaching and upholding peace and humanity above all else. I have numerous friends like this in my life now, and hearing the words of the Dalai Lama and really digging deep to explore me, where I come from and where I am going I am able to identify the definitive moments in my teacher/student relationships in a way that is so very moving.

I am grateful for compassion, communication, patience and evolution. I hope to one day be as much of a teacher to another as my teachers have been to me.

And that being said, my row has been called

ciao for now.
xo
a

Well, I had this today. It was one of the most amazing days of my life. I was standing in a room filled with friends and mentors and then I was invited to sit across from His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

Amazing life, surprising life, beautiful life.

xo
a

Jendi Says:
August 11th, 2008 at 1:58 am

I have a question for you…. what is the meaning of life, now before you roll your eyes let me finish. No matter where in the world you are, what your values/culture/beliefs/religion it is a question we have all I am sure asked ourselves or someone close to us

perhaps that is the answer, that the meaning of life is to ask these questions of our selves, to challenge ourselves to find our own meaning and direction…..

or then theres the concept of freewill????

A note to Allison; don’t take this the wrong way but I am a fan of your thought provoking blogs, have seen your show in glims but enjoy more your challenges and concepts and what I see lies ahead for your career…perhaps some strong historical figure???

I fuckin’ dig you and your fantastically challenging questions, Jendi! I also must say that it warms my heart to know you come to this site for the discussions and ideas.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and I absolutely adore the show that I work on, but I do feel as though there is a lot more to me than the character I play. It has been my intention and my goal to utilize this site as a way to reach out beyond my “Chloe” profile and share a more “depthy” experience with people on the web.

I think I mentioned before that the one thing that moves me most in the world is being a part of a community of people who seek to inspire and create.

I immediately thought that this site could be a meeting ground for people to do just that. The Internet is such an incredible place because it is so intensely far reaching. The amount of people that can be involved in this friendship circle I have developed online can be millions and that is so exciting! So the fact that you have not seen the show, is totally cool, because to me that means that I am able to connect with people in a way that is more real and human, not just based in the fictional character I portray, but more focused on the community I am trying to build! So, thank you for that encouraging remark!

I appreciate it! I am actually looking for ways to reach even more diverse groups of people, so if you do in fact have other ideas of ways to get this site out there, or make it more exciting and interesting, do share share!!

Ok and now to speak to the 2 more philosophical quandaries. I do believe that the meaning of life, the purpose for our existence is to evolve and push our our limits. I love that you posed that the meaning of life is the search for the meaning of life. I think this is a wonderful point and something very significant and true. I also believe the way we effect each other while we are struggling to answer this question is a huge part of our purpose. We are these separate beings who are unable to recognize the direct effects we have on the entire world because of our incapacity to see outside of what is right in front of us.

So we live with very nihilistic viewpoints, because we are human and we can only know what we directly experience, in a world that is inarguably existential.

It’s a very exciting and interesting struggle. We are basically a bunch of self-centered creatures seeking to know and understanding so that we can feel “safe” and “comfortable” forgetting that every pillow I put under my ass is one less for my neighbor to lay his head on. Excuse the crass analogy, but I thought it was a good way to explain what I was getting at.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love human beings. I think we are the most fascinating and incredible creature out there! But at times, I frustrate myself with my own lack of perspective. And then I focus so much on what I can do to fix whatever immediate problem that stems up in front of me that I forget to recognize that is the day to day interactions I have with my neighbor, my partner, the guy at the gas station, and the homeless man on the corner that really effect the world.

The Dalai Lama says that if you want to change the world you must first change yourself, then the way you relate to your family, your community, your state, your country, and finally the world. If I put as much attention into treating myself and the people I relate to on a daily basis the way I would treat a starving child in a developing nation, I think I would be so much more consistent in my kindness and compassion.

I imagine I would participate in much less violence.

And then if everyone in the world did this? And then on top of that we continue to produce these beautiful, charitable efforts to help people in crisis! Can you imagine the world we would live in? I mean, hypothesize THAT for a minute!

AWESOME!

It almost seems like in a matter of years we wouldn’t have people in crisis anymore, and all that time and energy we spent on putting out fires made by people and their violent behavior would be put towards inspiring and creating!!!!!!

Then the struggle would not be about, how do I save myself from my own species, but it would be about the over abundance of all the ideas and concepts we would have created! Oh to dream about utopia…

Free will can be the topic for tomorrow… hehehe…

xoxo
Allison