Allison Mack's Official Site » ego

an ego

Allison Mack — Fri, 15 May 2009 12:16:15 +0000

Ok, so pride is the greatest limitation in the world. I set out to be wonderful and present in everything I do and yet because of this confusion I have with my image, it is almost impossible for me to be present and real in any given situation. I am just noticing that this is all an effect of the pride I carry and work to uphold at all times.

I am so confused with the person I think I need to be vs the woman I am. The funniest part of all is the woman I am is actually cool. When I find humility and appreciation I enjoy all people and experiences so much more. I love and value each interaction because I see people as something other than objects to confirm my image.

Funny, I think because I grew up thinking the image I play is the best and most important thing in the world, I am so afraid to be something other than that, but because of this fear I confirm this belief and perpetuate the issue. Vicious cycle, no?

I am working on a movie that I will be filming in June and I am seeing my limitations as an actress and it is only since the last few days I have been able to admit to the challenge and ask for help. I am very excited now, as opposed to the “freaked-the-fuck-out” I was before, because I feel like I am learning how to learn. Similar to the directing, maybe this will help me to build myself into the actress I want to be.

Maybe I can get better? Grow? That’s exciting. Am I alone in this enslavement to the image?

xo
a

when we are honest…

Allison Mack — Sun, 10 May 2009 23:38:09 +0000

I have been having the coolest experience with respect to honesty. Everything is so much better when you take out the bullshit. Things actually surface and you can see yourself, your true self, for what and where you are.

I think I am only now beginning to understand the joy in self-empowerment. The intense value in owning your own shit, and then making the necessary choices and steps in overcoming whatever struggle you are having in the moment.

It is incredible how quickly we can grow and evolve when we remove all our lies (including pride and ego) and actually put effort into building an honest sense of ourselves vs. clinging so tightly to the masks we wear that we can’t even see through the peep holes.

Wow, the result of honesty? Deeper and better everything. Who would have thought?
xo
a

Ego

Allison Mack — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 06:48:17 +0000

Last night was the screening for Alice and Huck and I was, in fact, terrified! The movie was fabulous; so beautiful and interesting. My director, Kaleena, is an unbelievable talent and the writing was poetry.

So with that in mind I was as cool as a cucumber all day, and then wham! The party started, we screened the movie, and I wanted to disappear into the wall.
I had no idea I would feel that way, but exposing myself and the work that I had been a part of creating was one of the most vulnerable experiences I have ever had.

Film is such an incredible medium because it creates a permanent mark in time. It highlights and isolates history in a way that is undeniable. Whatever phase or thoughts were prevalent at the time of shooting are forever immortalized and publicized for all the world to see.

It’s interesting because it really does feel like the ultimate form of self-expression and authenticity, if that is in fact the type of performance you are striving to attain.

I wonder why authenticity is so challenging for me. I suppose it links back to simply admitting who I am and letting go of the image or the desire to be anything other than this. I was having a chat with my good friend, Nandie, and we were talking about how different the world would be if there was no ego. We certainly would never be embarrassed. Ego is one of those bizarre things that we create as a barrier for truthful experience. What is good about it? Anything?

Tell me… What do you think are the pros and cons of ego?

xo
allison