So I suppose there is always a silver lining, and every time you start to feel like shit, just remind yourself of the lesson you learned last time. Pull of the “scene” of your life and push harder.

I love how it sounds like I am speaking as though I am an expert on this topic. I am really just coaching myself through this process. I’ll keep you all posted on the movie journey!
xo
a

Spectacular, this humanity!

Ever feel that? I hope so.

xo
allison

hey,

reading your blog entry. I need to admit I love the joker. He is the
un-doer of schemes, the troubler of schemers. And destruction is just
another form of creativity. The goddess Kali is the goddess of
creation AND destruction. I think I’ve been realizing that I can’t
believe in a universe of connections without concurrently and
contradictorily believing in a universe of chaos. So can we believe in
creation without also believing in destruction?

I can relate to the joker. He’s the part of me that will disagree with
the masses, because someone has to. He’s the part of me that
shit-disturbs when the shit needs disturbing. He’s the whole side of
me that believes the universe likes to kick us in the butt and
sometimes I’m part of that force. And he’s the one that reminds us
that there really isn’t much use to making plans, because our plans
will undo us. He lives for the moment. Total imp. Total chaos and
primal force.

He is, of course, your other half.

xo

R.

So that being read, what do you all think? Is is possible to believe in creation without also believing in destruction?
Do we have to taste bad to know good?

So in lieu of a riveting discussion and philosophical post I will simply say this:

Life is beautiful and for those that refuse to recognize this, I am sad. But, I will continue to make art, tell jokes, drink wine, and share stories. Because we are a divine species with infinite potential and never ending surprise.

Cheers
xo
Allison

I must say that I am impressed and intimidated by the minds at work on this site. I read the entries posted and I am so blown away by some of the depth you all seem to express. I think it is incredible that we can come together and expand and elaborate our ideas and beliefs in such a friendly and civil manner.

The dialogue between Kevin and Amanda was respectful, honest, and intelligent. Well done team, well done.

I think that ultimately all the concepts we have been exploring as of late have no real answer, for me it is simply exciting to reach out and share ponderings and potentially stretch my own ideas and understandings through simply sharing and swapping ideas with other individuals who have an interested in thinking. It feels like most of the time we are on such a conveyer belt of life, essentially looking to get through our day as fast as we can so we can go home, veg out, and sleep only to begin it again the next day.

There is a 2 day reprieve called the weekend, which usually ends up flying by so quickly that before I feel as though I have blinked, it’s Monday and we begin again. And for what? Where is the life in that!

If nothing else, this blog has given me the reason to commit to myself for thirty minutes everyday. Thirty minutes every day to sit and think about what it’s all about and breathe. Just breathing, reading, thinking, and writing; all things I don’t do enough of. The effect of these thirty minutes results in a more deliberate me. My scenes at work are made up of more specific and precise moments because I have allowed myself the time to color inside the lines. To make sharper choices.

Not that the sloppiness of spontaneity is not important and wonderful, but again it goes back to balance. A little of this and a little of that creates a beautifully personal, well-thought-out, and wildly expressive portrait of how I want to be and who I am in the world.

Now onto the next topic…

Matthew… You said you wanted to discuss a belief. What about beliefs? Maybe we could look at human construct and how that relates to beliefs. I think now that the Olympics are on that could be a very intriguing and inspiring topic. So I’ll ask you all first and share my opinion on the matter tomorrow!

What do you think human construct is and how does it relate to beliefs? limiting and otherwise?

xoxo
allison

Matthew Says:
August 14th, 2008 at 12:10 am
.it would actually be nice is you did a dicussion on beliefs..oh well..enough of me

Jendi Says:
August 11th, 2008 at 1:58 am

I have a question for you…. what is the meaning of life, now before you roll your eyes let me finish. No matter where in the world you are, what your values/culture/beliefs/religion it is a question we have all I am sure asked ourselves or someone close to us

perhaps that is the answer, that the meaning of life is to ask these questions of our selves, to challenge ourselves to find our own meaning and direction…..

or then theres the concept of freewill????

A note to Allison; don’t take this the wrong way but I am a fan of your thought provoking blogs, have seen your show in glims but enjoy more your challenges and concepts and what I see lies ahead for your career…perhaps some strong historical figure???

I fuckin’ dig you and your fantastically challenging questions, Jendi! I also must say that it warms my heart to know you come to this site for the discussions and ideas.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and I absolutely adore the show that I work on, but I do feel as though there is a lot more to me than the character I play. It has been my intention and my goal to utilize this site as a way to reach out beyond my “Chloe” profile and share a more “depthy” experience with people on the web.

I think I mentioned before that the one thing that moves me most in the world is being a part of a community of people who seek to inspire and create.

I immediately thought that this site could be a meeting ground for people to do just that. The Internet is such an incredible place because it is so intensely far reaching. The amount of people that can be involved in this friendship circle I have developed online can be millions and that is so exciting! So the fact that you have not seen the show, is totally cool, because to me that means that I am able to connect with people in a way that is more real and human, not just based in the fictional character I portray, but more focused on the community I am trying to build! So, thank you for that encouraging remark!

I appreciate it! I am actually looking for ways to reach even more diverse groups of people, so if you do in fact have other ideas of ways to get this site out there, or make it more exciting and interesting, do share share!!

Ok and now to speak to the 2 more philosophical quandaries. I do believe that the meaning of life, the purpose for our existence is to evolve and push our our limits. I love that you posed that the meaning of life is the search for the meaning of life. I think this is a wonderful point and something very significant and true. I also believe the way we effect each other while we are struggling to answer this question is a huge part of our purpose. We are these separate beings who are unable to recognize the direct effects we have on the entire world because of our incapacity to see outside of what is right in front of us.

So we live with very nihilistic viewpoints, because we are human and we can only know what we directly experience, in a world that is inarguably existential.

It’s a very exciting and interesting struggle. We are basically a bunch of self-centered creatures seeking to know and understanding so that we can feel “safe” and “comfortable” forgetting that every pillow I put under my ass is one less for my neighbor to lay his head on. Excuse the crass analogy, but I thought it was a good way to explain what I was getting at.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love human beings. I think we are the most fascinating and incredible creature out there! But at times, I frustrate myself with my own lack of perspective. And then I focus so much on what I can do to fix whatever immediate problem that stems up in front of me that I forget to recognize that is the day to day interactions I have with my neighbor, my partner, the guy at the gas station, and the homeless man on the corner that really effect the world.

The Dalai Lama says that if you want to change the world you must first change yourself, then the way you relate to your family, your community, your state, your country, and finally the world. If I put as much attention into treating myself and the people I relate to on a daily basis the way I would treat a starving child in a developing nation, I think I would be so much more consistent in my kindness and compassion.

I imagine I would participate in much less violence.

And then if everyone in the world did this? And then on top of that we continue to produce these beautiful, charitable efforts to help people in crisis! Can you imagine the world we would live in? I mean, hypothesize THAT for a minute!

AWESOME!

It almost seems like in a matter of years we wouldn’t have people in crisis anymore, and all that time and energy we spent on putting out fires made by people and their violent behavior would be put towards inspiring and creating!!!!!!

Then the struggle would not be about, how do I save myself from my own species, but it would be about the over abundance of all the ideas and concepts we would have created! Oh to dream about utopia…

Free will can be the topic for tomorrow… hehehe…

xoxo
Allison

I have lost me for a bit. I can start to see the outline of myself coming out of a haze, but I am still not too sure of where I went. You may or may not have noticed the slight randomness and disconnect in my last few blogs… Well, they are really a result of me feeling a bit like I have lost my way and forgotten me and what I love. I know that sounds super cheesy, but sometimes it is easier to disappear into what I produce than it is to simply relate and exist.

But the good news is there is always another side. Several wonderful encounters with friends as well as the viewing of a couple of incredible artist endeavors have helped pull me out of the funk I was in. It is because of this experience that I am so amazed by us as humans and how every little thing we say and do effects the whole world in a cataclysmic way. We are so influenced by every human experience we have, it is remarkable.

Until tomorrow!?

xo
Allison