backpack life

backpack life

thatbohemiangirl: My Bohemian World Beautiful women of Kalash, “who legend says are part-fairy and

Well, that is how I am feeling right now. I am sitting in the airport in Vancouver, BC waiting to board onto my flight to Prague and I just feel different. I feel more responsible, more mature. I guess more me.

This is an experience I have had before, one I treasure, where I find I settle into myself a little bit more. I have spent the last 8 days doing an amazing course that is essentially an unbelievable workout for my introspective self. And although my heart and mind are tired and sore from using them so much, I feel the blood rushing to both in a way I have never before felt.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude for learning, growth, and just human beings in general. Why am I here? I have no real clue. But to exercise each minute with as much presence and joy as possible will be a good place to start exploring. I am amazed by what we can build and develop within ourselves when we are gifted with the aid of thoughtfulness and study. Last week I saw the Dalai Lama speak and I was inspired to look at what I believe a teacher is. The conclusion I came to is that we are all teachers, teaching in every moment. But there are some special people who seek to dedicate their lives to teaching and upholding peace and humanity above all else. I have numerous friends like this in my life now, and hearing the words of the Dalai Lama and really digging deep to explore me, where I come from and where I am going I am able to identify the definitive moments in my teacher/student relationships in a way that is so very moving.

I am grateful for compassion, communication, patience and evolution. I hope to one day be as much of a teacher to another as my teachers have been to me.

And that being said, my row has been called

ciao for now.
xo
a

I don’t even know if you exist? What the heck?

After seeing my dear friend John Glover in “Waiting for Godot” I kept thinking that it seems as thought the common fear and quest of most people is that we are ultimately alone and there may not, in fact, be any real point in our existence, if we do actually exist which we can never really prove.

Ok, so then why anything?

The answer for me is: I really don’t know, but there is something beautiful about the enigmatic structure of our own experience. And if I can train myself to look at my life as one big experiment, the consequences and the failures as simply a check list for what does and doesn’t work depending on my hypothesis and the result, I think I would spend way less time stressing and way more time building.

So often I spring out of the gate with an idea, get some information back that is not what I expected and then simply shut down. I am sure you all have been witness to several of these impulse ideas… depending on how long you have been around. Which brings me to my next point.

I don’t know if you exist, or if I exist, or if this train I am riding on, with my friend, as I write this, is actually something true and tangible, The only thing that I do know is the experience I am having in this moment.

I know my leg is sticking to the seat. I know my friend who is staring out of the window is looking beautiful in her blue sweater. I know that I will bail on myself, but I wont bail on the people I love. I know I have too many pride issues, too much respect for the people I have been working with lately, to run away from my dreams and ideas if the data goes against my hypothesis.

And so, I know the virtual human team with no actual proof of existence is a gift. Because whether or not I know for sure if this is some big game or not, I know I am enriched and enlivened in my own mind and body because of the life I have lived. And the more teams I join with people I love, the more experiences I have the courage to sit through. The more boundaries I will test, the harder I will push.

So why? What’s the point?

Well, why not?

If this is just dream within a dream, I am going to do everything within my power to make it a damn good one. And since I lack the strength to push through on my own, I will look to my team-mates to nudge me with their valiant life choices and examples.

We inspire each other. Whether here or not, we effect each other.

This is a beautiful, hypothetical existence, and I want to go hard while I can.

Allendh, I hope that answers the question.

What do you all think?

Xo
a

I realize that spending time introspecting right now would be the best thing for me and yet this is also the most challenging. So, like a mother holding her baby’s hands as the baby takes her first steps, I will compassionately carry myself into the depths of me, nurturingly allow the fears of looking inside to fall away.

Alone in public.

OK, so I don’t have enough guts to sit physically alone in silence for a full day, but I can do it when I am in a pool of humanity. I sit in cafes and watch, compare, read, draw, and write. Thinking is in there as well.

Be gentle with ourselves. Enjoy this life time. We don’t know where we go from here. But I am sure I love what I have, I am blessed. So, I will show my gratitude through joy. Or at least I will try.
xo
allison

Amazing!

I went to Ecuador for new years and it was absolutely incredible! As part of the new year tradition all the people of the country build an effigy of themselves or someone they would like to cleanse themselves of for the new year and at midnight, they burn the effigy. It was amazing! All the streets of Quito filled with bonfires of people cleaning themselves of negative habits and behaviors, starting new.

My girlfriends and I spent the evening running around the streets in masks and building our own effigy. We filled the doll with notes to ourselves; notes that expressed the things we wished to move beyond in 2009, and joined in the ember-filled fun. What a way to begin the calender.

So as a lovely, welcome to the new year, I encourage each of you to make a list of the things you wish to overcome and burn the shit out of it!
YAHOOOOOOOOOO!
xo
allison