I feel like in this process of creating a play with nine other amazing people, I am creating a side of me that has atrophied… a side of myself I was so familiar with when I was younger that I took it for granted. I though this muscle of introspection and creativity came from my mother’s womb. In other words, I assumed I was “special” and just born with this wild imagination the allowed me great freedom in acting and creating. The thing I forgot to mention to me was that I was spending at least 6 hours a week in acting class. Spending hours upon hours improvising and writing and building characters and ideas. But this was fun! It couldn’t have been work. This is what I told myself to continue the lie of “special-ness”. I think believing this lie has been one of the greatest disservices of my life; Something so sad. I have spent the last 8 years on Smallville assuming I was just “gifted.” I completely suppressed myself as well as my teachers for all the time I spent refining and honing this craft I had built for myself.
As a result I felt less and less facile with my ability. Every season of Smallville I felt more and more a victim of my circumstance. I felt more and more fearful of opportunity and even ability to play other things, let alone my current job well. The depth of imagination and creativity I once had was fleeting fast and I was blaming it on everything other than my lack of effort in building it in me.
Today was the day I re-discovered the importance of practice and effort in the art I once felt so magnificent upholding, but have felt so disconnected from. I am working with a team of unbelievable creators who have no ego, no suppression or competition, only joy in the creative process.
We have spent the last 24 hours brainstorming ideas. Any idea you could think to come up with, we threw out there. Just looking and thinking and thinking and looking, exploring every avenue, until our minds hurt and we didn’t know what else to say to each other. So we went for sushi (yes, there is a “Mr. Sushi” up the street from our apartment in old town Prague, weird?) and cleaned our minds with a nice dose of wasabi. And we got into putting the ideas on their feet.
What came out of this exercise was a 25 minute improv based in movement, music, text, and song that was so moving and rich, I was humbled and inspired! I was reminded of why I love what I do; why I want to do these small project that take so much time and cost so much money, but fuel my soul and help me to see what I am missing in my world. I am so passionate about what I do again. It feels like I have found it after having been lost for a long time. I have found me again.
Throw out the ego and pride of already knowing something and build a practice of learning something new each day, in each second, look for that which you don’t know, where your knowledge fails, and go for that. Because joy lies in growth and learning, not complacency and pride. There is no depth or support to a superficial image, so in the end you live with fear that someone will tip you over, and the whole world will come tumbling down around you. Essentially, you are living on a centimeter of security!
Ok, it’s 3:23 in the morning here in gorgeous Prague and I have an 11 am rehearsal! I will try and get some video up tomorrow, sorry about the delay on this. Rehearsals are going a bit longer than expected and I kind of think getting the show on it’s feet is important, considering that is the reason we are here!
Jenny just figured out how to stream a live cast of the show though! So I will keep you all updated with that info so you can see us perform in real time!